When Worlds Collide Ch. 05

Chapter 5: I hope that you're the one

June 24th 1968

The feeling in my heart could only be described as hatred. For so long I had wondered who she was, what she'd look like how she'd lived with herself. And now looking at her all I could think was how do you shop for cat eye glasses and silk scarves when you abandoned your child? How do you get up every morning and apply that lovely shade of lipstick when you left your crying baby for dead?

She had fallen to her knees now, her calf length skirt fanning out around her as she stared, silent tears slipping over her cheeks as she peeked up at us every so often through her fingers, mostly staring at Evelyn.

"I-I just don't understand! How can this be? You were dead!"

Her comment snapped me out of my trance and I turned to Wilbur.

"Willie, take these kids out of here-"

"Evie, what the hell is goin on?" he asked interrupting me. I felt a nudge on my hand and looked down to find Evelyn staring back and forth between the woman on the floor and me. My heart sunk to my toes at the question in her eyes.

"Mama, who's that woman? Why is she cryin' mama?" she asked.

"Willie!" I yelled getting near hysterics. He didn't wait for me to ask again, finally picking up on the tone he began to usher the kids back out into the summer heat. All except for one who would not let go of my hand.

"Mama who is she?" she asked her eyes pleading, even as Wilbur caught a hold of her and started pulling her towards the door she wouldn't let go of my hand.

"Mama!" she cried again, and it was the hardest thing I think I ever done. I done a lot of things in my life I wish I could do over but letting her little hand go was one of the biggest mistakes I think I ever made. So many times I've thought, her life may have been different had I only been truthful with her. Had I only explained things to her. Only thing is, time don't move backwards, just forwards and we don't get no do overs. I just have to live with the choices I've made.

So once I see that Wilbur got the kids out the store I turn back to this woman. This monster, with the name 'Josie' pinned to her top and my hands are already balled up in fists.

"Eleven years I been waiting to find out what kind of sick person you are," I began. "Eleven long years I been waiting to meet the monster who left a precious gift like that in a trash heap like she was nothing. Did you know it started to rain that day? Was so cold out there her lips had turned blue"

She buried her face in her hands and began to sob.

"No, don't you do that! You don't get to do that! You threw her away like garbage! If I hadn't been there out on that road at that time she would've been carried away with the rest of the trash! She would be dead because of you so you don't get to cry!" I fumed, my fists were clenched tightly at my sides, so tightly I should have drawn blood.

"You don't understand!" she cried, finding her voice again. "It's not at all what you think!"

"Really? I actually think things are pretty clear! But what I don't understand is how you can live with yourself knowing that you threw away a part of you-"

"He raped me!" she screamed cutting me off. The entire store went silent, you could've heard a pin drop. Rape was actually my first assumption. A young girl gets raped has to walk around with the evidence of it for nine months, she can't bring herself to raise the baby. But what I didn't expect was this grown woman crying rape. You drop the child off at a church, orphanage, something so she can at least have a fighting chance but dropping her in the trash?

"Who raped you?" I found myself asking, still ready to clean her clock. I wasn't prepared for the tale she told.

"It was my... My husband," She began. "Well... he was a shadow of the man I married. The man I fell in love with." She was staring at the floor, her mind lost to her memories. "When I met Sheldon he was working at a drive-in theatre at the concession stand trying to save up for college. The Sheldon I knew was funny, he used to make me... Laugh so damn hard my stomach would ache for days afterwards. He was good to me too. And he loved me with everything he had in his heart. We had so much passion the two of us. But that... That was before, before the war. He was picked up in the draft just days after our shotgun wedding and the man they returned to me was not my husband," she said her voice thick with emotion.

"I knew the second I laid eyes on him that he was a different man; his walk wasn't right, he didn't smile, didn't have no joy anymore! Sheldon used to have this-this infectious laugh! He was always smiling, always! But the man they returned to me was hard, unfeeling and cold and I just didn't know what to do. He had horrible nightmares where he would wake up screaming in the middle of the night." She paused in her story, fingering the hem of her skirt in a manner that reminded me so much of my baby Evelyn. "The first time he hit me it was over something stupid, like leaving a light on in the house. It quickly became a regular occurrence, until the day he came home early. He was drunk and I was trying to stay out of his way. I was preparing dinner for that evening when he hit me over the head with a whiskey bottle. I fell to the floor unconscious." She paused again trying to stop her jaw from shaking, stop the tears from falling but they did anyway.

"When I came around... I couldn't form a clear thought. I don't remember too much after that, I do remember I couldn't understand why my head hurt so much and I couldn't understand why my insides hurt so bad... but I had a mixture of blood and semen... running down my leg and Sheldon was nowhere to be seen. I just knew, that moment I realized I had to get out. I realized I was still holding fast to the memory of the man I loved but he was gone. Long gone. The man that returned from war was a scarred and battered human being. One with military training. I knew I had to get out so I packed my bags, left my wedding ring on the kitchen counter, hopped in my car and left. It was the scariest thing I'd done. Well, at that point it was. I went and stayed with my cousin and her husband, they lived in Edenvale. As soon as she opened the door it all came out."

Her lip had begun to quiver again and I realized I wasn't angry at her anymore. My fists had become soft and I had at some point joined her on the floor just listening.

"I stayed with her for a month before I realized I was pregnant. I went to a doctor to confirm and wailed when he validated my suspicions. I was devastated. Absolutely devastated. Because this meant I would never ever be free of him. Giving birth to his baby meant a part of him would always be with me and I hated him for it. I was going to have a baby by a man whose idea of a good time involved beating the hell outta me and whatever alcohol was on special at the liquor store. I waited until it was absolutely unavoidable to tell my cousin and it was shortly after that, I think only days after, I felt... a kick. A subtle movement within my stomach, a little hand or foot grazed me and I instantly in that moment fell in love. Life began to take a happier turn, I found I had a purpose. I was finally accepting and happy so it took me a while to-to notice. At first it started with little things, things I'd thought I'd left behind. An old book appeared on the dresser, a ticket stub from the drive-in Sheldon used to work at. I was getting increasingly upset as time went on. It wasn't until I came home one day to find my wedding ring on my pillow that I hit full blown panic. I screamed at the very top of my lungs. At the time I was about six months pregnant, so when I turned to run for my cousin it was with... greater effort. I ran... down the stairs to the kitchen and stopped dead in my tracks. There they were sitting with their backs to me, tied to a chair. I panicked once again because I knew he was in the house right then. I didn't know what to do; should I run and help them? Should I leave and get help? I didn't get a chance to make my own decision because he grabbed me up from behind. I-I started panicking kicking at him and swinging but he-he started choking me and my arms got so weak, I-I-I couldn't fight him."

She'd started to cry again and I was just shocked that this could have happened to one person. She began to speak again and I reached out and held her hand. She jump at the contact but then looked me dead in the eyes and continued her story.

"When I woke up, I was in his truck. I looked out at the scenery passing us and I had no idea where we were. I started to panic once again, screaming and trying to unlock to door when he pulled out a pistol. He-he pointed it at my head and said the only reason I'm still alive was because I was carrying his son. He said he'd need strong sons and that I was going to give him his own army. He was talking all kinds of crazy things, said he was going to keep me pregnant since I was his property; the man was absolutely insane and I was at his mercy. We drove for hours and although I tried to keep an eye out for monuments and things like that, I realized after a while he was doing this on purpose, driving in circles. By the time we pulled into a driveway it was dark outside. He grabbed me out the truck and dragged me into a dilapidated cabin and threw me on the floor. He demanded I cook us dinner, and so it began. He beat me daily while I was in that cabin; careful not to hurt the baby, I was subjected to cruel torture, thanks to the United States army. My anger and fear were a bubbling pot, and I knew I could never give birth to my baby here. Problem was he had guns everywhere and he told me on many occasions he'd just as quickly shoot me and find someone else. I bided my time, praying for my escape, waiting for my chance until I was just too big to risk another day there. Two months I spent there battered and scared. The only thing that kept me going was that little baby, that tiny innocent little baby... I just had to leave before the baby came."

"My chance for freedom finally came. He rarely drank anymore, ironically he said it clouded his mind but one night he indulged himself, feeling safe that I'd given up trying to escape. He was horribly wrong. I waited until he passed out and then waited some more to make sure he was deeply asleep. Once he was I crept out of bed, my heart beating so fast I could hear it in my ears. I ran for the door, the car keys were usually hung right beside it but they weren't on the hook where he usually left them. Franticly I started scouring the house until I found them in the floor by his boots. I snatched them and ran out the house as quietly as I could, sure he'd wake up as soon as the truck started. With his words ringing in my ears telling me he'd kill me, I started the truck and threw it in reverse as fast as I could. As I reached the end of the long driveway I saw him come running out gun in hand. I backed into the road and threw the car in drive speeding away. I could hear bullets hitting the car as I drove and I slammed my foot on that gas pedal driving like a madwoman. I drove for hours in the darkness until I realized I was running out of gas. I luckily found some money in the glove box and found a gas station. It wasn't until I parked the truck, waiting for the gas station to open that I realized two things; the first was that I'd been shot. The bullet luckily just grazed me but it had taken a nice chunk out of my leg. The blood was all over me. The next thing I realized is that my water had broke. I was going to have the baby."

There was a chorus of gasps and I looked up to realize we'd drawn a crowd. I drew closer to this woman who moments ago I held nothing but seething hatred and contempt and realized how quickly it had all changed. She seemed to be oblivious to the stares she was getting and continued with her story.

"I had to wait there for hours, I had no idea what time it was or how long it would be until it reopened. I just waited and prayed. Eventually, as my labor pains started and the black sky began to give way to light a truck pulled up and a man got out. I didn't want him to see my leg although I know he saw the bullet holes as he approached my truck. I asked him where I was and he said I was just outside of Alberston. I asked him how to get to Edenville and he gave me directions. Turned out I was way south of Edenville and it would take me hours to get there. My pains were getting worse so I paid him and thanked him and was on my way. My leg was paining me something terrible and my stomach was getting worse as I drove, full into the day I drove without any other objective than to get to my cousins place in Edenville. I just knew that once I made it there everything would be okay. I drove most of the day, my contractions beginning to exhaust me and on a few occasions almost making me drift into oncoming traffic but I held off. It was midafternoon when I finally drove that truck straight across my cousin's lawn and almost directly into their living room. I opened the door of the truck and tried to get out but my leg was paining me so bad I couldn't move. My cousin, came running out of her house and thankfully her husband was home as well because I couldn't stand let alone walk to their house. They lifted me in the house and it was right there on their chesterfield that I gave birth to my daughter. To say she was the most beautiful thing I ever laid my eyes on would be an immense understatement. Her hair was inky black just like mine but her eyes, they were the most striking shade of blue, the one thing she got from her father. She was my carbon copy except for that one thing. Bleeding, abused and wounded I changed in that moment staring into her eyes. I knew that I couldn't go on living my life in the fashion I had before. She wouldn't allow it. I had to be stronger for her. I had to do more, be more for her. Finally feeling a measure of safety, I fell asleep with my daughter in my arms."

"When I next awoke it was to the sound of a gun cocking. I wearily opened my eyes to find Sheldon standing over me. He told me to get the fuck up and I just stared at him. The baby started fussing and I tried to breast feed her completely ignoring Sheldon. I had changed in mere hours, I had become a better person just by giving life to this perfect tiny person in my arms and I just couldn't be afraid of him anymore. I told him I refused to move until this baby was settled and he accepted that, sitting on the end table looking at the baby. He stated "He got my eyes." I continued to ignore him. She finally stopped feeding and drifted back off to sleep. I swaddled her tightly to me, and seeing his opportunity Sheldon grabbed me dragging me towards the door. As he did I looked off into the distance and saw my cousin and her husband in a heap on the floor and for the first time I began to cry. This was all my fault, I brought them into this. I thought they were dead, they weren't moving. I tried to stop him from pulling us out the door but put my weight on my injured leg and it crumpled beneath me. He grabbed my head then and slammed it against the door frame and I saw white everywhere. He just picked me up and threw me in the truck. I somehow held onto the baby and as he drove I wove in and out of consciousness. I heard snatches of his ramblings, saying he was going to name the baby after him and our next son will be named for his father. That his legacy would live though his son and they would conquer the world or something crazy like that. I was so confused. I just didn't understand why he kept calling the baby a boy. He hadn't even looked or bothered to ask he just decided it was a boy. I..I've battled with this next part... Most my life... He... I told him it was a girl. I told him to look for himself. Maybe I was still out of it because if I had been thinking clearly, my daughter...."

She stopped talking, trying to get a hold on her emotions.

"He slammed on the breaks and I nearly flew through the windshield. He snatched the baby from me and unwrapped her from the blanket I had her swaddled in. As soon as he saw the clear evidence of her sex he lost his mind. I kept reaching for her trying to get her back but he batted my hands away and got out of the truck. It was the middle of the night, pitch black and not a soul on the road. He left the truck parked in the middle of the street and walked over to the Woolworths. I followed him, limping and pleading for him to give me back the baby. It was freezing cold outside and I had no idea what he was planning to do. He walked to the back of the Woolworths, where the trash bins were and I started to panic. I started really begging him to give me the baby, pulling on his clothes and he turned on me so fast I didn't see his fist coming until he hit me, dead in my face. I crumpled to the ground and I remember seeing his feet as he walked off behind the bins. I laid there on the cold pavement and I could smell the rain coming. I slowly rolled myself to a sitting position but my head was spinning and I could feel my face swelling up on the right side where he hit me. He came back and I could hear the baby crying distantly. But-but when I looked up h-his arms were e-empty! He l-l-left her in the trash!"

She was crying tears streaming mascara running but her eyes; they held a fierce determination. She was telling her story, and she wasn't gonna stop until it was finished.

"I don't know how I got the strength but I launched myself up and ran with everything I had in me. I made it to the first bin when he grabbed me. Said I wasn't gonna save no trash and his army didn't have room for women. I fought him hard. I punched I scratched I bit and I screamed but I was exhausted. I gave birth hours ago, I'd been shot and beaten, and my body just couldn't fight him. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, digging his thumb into the hole in the back of my leg and I felt pain so intense I passed out. I remember snatches after that; his face, the steering wheel the greyish blue sky. The last time I opened my eyes I hurt everywhere and I almost closed my eyes again and gave up but I looked up at the sky and realized that it was grey. The sun had come up. In an instant everything came back to me and I realized my baby was still in a trash bin behind Woolworths. I sat up, my heart right in my throat and I looked over at him. My hatred, in that moment knew no end. I knew without a doubt that my child may very well be dead because of him and I lost my mind. The only thing that kept me going in the last few months was her. If she was dead what did I have to go on for? I tried to gouge his eyes, I bit I scratched and when that didn't work I grabbed the wheel of the car. We were on a pretty busy street from the looks of it and I made sure we went into oncoming traffic. We crashed and for the 100th time my world went black."

"Turned out we crashed into a cop car. The very same police car that was responding to a home invasion. My cousin's home invasion. The officer pulled me out the car, Sheldon was pretty mangled and they called for an ambulance, I didn't care, I moved to get up and try to walk. In my mind I was gonna run to the Woolworths but I could barely move. The officer was saying something over the radio and I heard the radio respond with my cousin's address. I told the officer that it was Sheldon. That Sheldon had killed my cousin and her husband. I told him what he did to our daughter and he turned white as a sheet. Another car pulled up and he put me in the car. We immediately drove to the Woolworths and I never stopped praying. I prayed and prayed that she was okay but when we got there. It-it-it was all gone! All of the trash had been hauled away, there was nothing but empty bins left! She was gone!"

She slumped into sobs at that moment and I held her tightly. Crying myself I had no idea. I had never thought it could have been like this. I could have never imagined that type of story. I kept thinking to myself, how the hell am I gonna tell Evelyn? How can I explain this all to my baby girl? I could hear snifflin around me and I looked up to see people, all ages standing around us, some crying some staring at us with understanding and something else. I wiped her tears, the black lines running down her face and saw my baby girl in her eyes. How was I gonna tell her? I couldn't even tell her how I found her, how was I gonna tell her, her father was a madman? How could I tell her that her father had abandoned her?