Wife's Cheating Confession

"(sobs)"

"What's the point in crying now?"

CLICK

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Conversation 4 (text messages)

Me: DID YOU JUST FUCKING HANG UP ON ME????? Her: Just give me a few minutes Me: Are you talking to him? Her: NO! Just give me a few minutes to compose myself. You know I hate crying in front of you.

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Half an hour later

Conversation 5 (phone)

"Sorry it took so long."

"It's okay. Are you prepared to be completely honest now?"

"Yes."

"No more hiding facts or varnishing the truth?"

"No more."

"You understand that for this marriage to work, I need to know the truth in whatever manner I see fit?"

"I understand that's what you want. I just....never mind."

"No, say what you want."

"Okay... I just don't agree with your approach."

"Why not?"

"Well, here are a few basic truths. Some basic confessions about this whole situation. Yes, I cheated on you. I slept with him. I slept with him multiple times. I hid it from you. I only confessed to it when forced to confess it. I did occasionally, for a few days, consider the idea of leaving you for him. These are all truths about the wrongs I committed. But here are some more truths. I love you. I love only you. I don't love him and I never did, even though for some moments of madness I thought I did. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I hope you can forgive me and we can rebuild this...."

"Okay...."

"Let me finish. But also, I can understand if you just want to divorce me and never see me again. I will agree to the divorce on the terms of your choosing, although that divorce will devastate me. But....if you end up divorcing me because of this, I would rather that you did it quickly. And knowing all these details about what happened between me and him....will just make your resentment fester."

"So I should pretend that it never happened?"

"No! I am not saying that! It happened. I wish I could undo it but I can't. It happened."

"Then what is your point?"

"My point is......the more you ask me about this in detail, the harder it will be for you to forget it."

"So you want me to just forget it ever happened?"

"No, Pat! You aren't getting me point."

"What is your point?"

"Never mind!"

"No, tell me your point."

"I......I honestly can't phrase my point in a couple of sentences. I have never been as good at talking or debating as you are. All I know is..... talking about this in so much detail is a bad idea."

"Okay....now let me explain to you why I need to know these things in detail."

"Alright."

"When two people decide to share their lives, it is not just their home and their bed and their genitals. It is also a level of intimacy, comfort, and oneness that you achieve with only one person.....only one person at a time. That level of intimacy goes beyond just sticking a dick in a cunt. Do you get what I am saying?"

"I....I am not sure."

"Well, the actual act of sex, the penetration, that has a biological imperative. It comes from evolution. But everything else that goes with it. That's intimacy, that's closeness, that's....an expression of love. Which is why prostitutes will fuck people but charge extra for what they call the "girlfriend experience"."

"So I am like a prostitute?"

"No! You aren't getting my point now."

"What is your point?"

"I need to know if you have....or ever had a relationship with him that goes beyond just sex."

"But I love you."

"Yes, you are saying that now. But what if you feel differently a year from now?"

"If you are not sure about my love for you, then fine, divorce me!"

"I am not saying that. I am just....this is getting too complicated."

"You're making it too complicated!"

"Don't yell at me!"

"I am sorry. I just. Just tell me what you want me to do."

"I just need you to understand that.....I love you. Still. At least I think I do. And I think I do also still want to spend the rest of my life with you. But for that I need to be absolutely certain that this thing you did wasn't big enough.......or....I don't know, I need to understand it fully. Do you get that?"

"Okay."

"So I need you to help me understand it. By telling me everything I need to know. Honestly."

"Okay."

"Do you get the importance of the need for total honesty? Even if it seems embarrassing in the short term?"

"I think so."

"Good."

"Okay...."

"So....let me ask you something I should have asked long ago. How did it start?"

"I told you. I was..."

"No...I mean, how did things go from you two being just friends to sleeping together? Was he always interested in you?"

"No, he said he wasn't."

"Had he made a pass at you before?"

"Never! It was strictly platonic before that. He never gave a hint of any interest in me. And he told me later too that he never thought of me like that before that first night."

"So that's what I am trying to ask you right now. How did you go from being friends to having sex? What was the chain of events that led to it?"

"Oh...let me remember....."

"Okay."

"Before that night, like I said, it was strictly platonic. We talked about movies, music, books, politics, and personal lives."

"Personal lives?"

"Yes, but I spoke to him like I would speak to a girlfriend. And he spoke to me like he would speak to a boyfriend. Just venting about our love life. You and I were fighting a lot those days. I would tell him about the fights and he would lend me a sympathetic ear. And he would tell me about the problems he was having with his girlfriend and I would listen to him."

"What sort of problems was he having with his girlfriend?"

"Mainly that she was very insecure. She seemed to want commitment and although he felt he was almost there, he wasn't quite there yet. She was also very possessive, not just with other women, but also his friends. His other interests. And his work."

"And she was jealous of you?"

"Yes, and it may seem ironic now but at that time, he was very annoyed by it. He was completely truthful to her about our then-platonic friendship. She knew I was married. And yet she resented how close we were, even as friends. And she suspected that he was having a fling with me. Even though he hadn't even thought about it. At that time of course."

"Maybe she was just prescient."

"Or maybe she drove him towards me."

"Really? And what drove you towards him? I didn't! I never felt insecure about your friendship with him. I even had beer with him a couple of times."

"I never said you drove me towards him!"

"Then what did?"

"I was getting to that. Honestly, I think I just got caught up in the moment. I think we both did. Although he now thinks it was much deeper. But I know for a fact that I only got caught up in the moment."

"What moment?"

"So the very first night I slept with him. That day, you and I had a big fight. Sorry, but I don't remember what it was about. But it was a big fight. I think it might have had something to do with you canceling a trip to visit me at the last minute."

"Hmm...maybe. I vaguely remember a fight like that."

"Anyway, we had this fight over the phone. When I was working late. And he was working late too. He heard me yelling on the phone and then crying. I was in a very bad emotional state. So he came to comfort me. And before you ask, that's all he did at first. Comfort me. Be there for me. He didn't make a pass at me or anything. Really."

"Okay."

"So we left the office at about 7 or so. And went to a coffee shop. I was in a particularly bad mood, venting about you. And about life in general. So I spilled my guts. Then he told me about the problems he had been having with his girlfriend too. Before we knew it, it was almost 10. I decided to go home. When we left the office, I had been in a very bad emotional state, so we had gone to the coffee shop in his car. When we went back to the office, the parking garage was closed for the night and there were no security guards around."

"So you couldn't get your car."

"Yes. He said he would drop me home. But the Bay Bridge was really backed up and there was a massive traffic jam on the freeway for miles. Halfway to my place, I really needed to use the bathroom. And his place was just one exit away. So we decided to go there."

"And then he made a move on you?"

"No! We went to his place. And when I was in the bathroom, you called. I don't remember exactly what we fought about, but we fought again. For a long time. And it was a pretty big fight, because by the end of it, I was crying again. When I came out of the bathroom, I was bawling. He rushed over and hugged me. I was hysterical with emotions. He led me to the couch and sat there, hugging me, trying to comfort me. And then...."

"Then?"

"Well.....I don't remember the exact conversation that led to it, but I was feeling really pessimistic about us...you and me. And was feeling very vulnerable and devastated. And he had his arms around me. And then....well....we kissed."

"Who initiated the kiss?"

"That's what he and I can't agree on. I am pretty sure that he went from rubbing my arms and back while consoling me to then kissing me gently on my cheeks and then on my lips. And I was feeling very emotionally secure in his embrace so I responded. But he says he was just kissing me on the cheeks in a friendly way and I am the one who started kissing him on the lips.....romantically and he couldn't help but respond. I seriously don't know what happened."

"Okay....but the main thing is, it went from him consoling you to kissing you pretty fast."

"Not too fast. Maybe 10-15 minutes. But yeah, that's when it started happening. That's when our friendship stopped being platonic."

"And then?"

"Then.......our hands were all over each other and soon inside our clothes."

"Who first went there?"

"I really don't know but you can assume it was me if you want."

"I don't want to assume anything. Now, all this was on the couch?"

"Yes."

"So the first time you had sex was on the couch?"

"No, in his bedroom."

"How did you move from the couch to the bedroom?"

"We walked. Once we were both partially undressed, I noticed that the curtains on his French window were open. I said to him, a neighbor might see us. He got up and led me to the bedroom."

"How partially undressed were you both when you moved to the bedroom?"

"I was topless. He was in his briefs."

"Hmm.....and then?"

"He laid me down on the bed and got me naked. Then he tried to go down on me."

"Tried to?"

"Yes, but I stopped him. Like I said, that felt too.....intimate, I guess?"

"Hmmmm...what next?"

"I told you already."

"You said you started off in the missionary position. Right away?"

"No, we made out for a while first."

"Were you wet?"

"Yes."

"How wet?"

"Pat!"

"Anyway, you said it hurt the first time he entered you?"

"Yes, because of the thickness."

"Go on..."

"I don't know what to say. He started doing it, Missionary style. He went slow at first because of the trouble I was having accommodating him. Then he asked me if I wanted to be on top. I told you everything else."

"That was all true? You came first, and he didn't?"

"Yes. When I came I felt a huge wave of stress release. But it also showed me clearly the full extent of what I had done. I had cheated on you. I had been unfaithful And I was overcome with emotion again. Mainly guilt."

"Then he consoled you. And you decided it was a mistake. Yada yada yada. And then fell asleep in his arms."

"Yes."

"Naked."

"Yes, naked. Although I still don't see why that is a bigger deal than the fucking."

"It shows a level of intimacy and comfort. You were close enough to him to just sleep in his arms naked and vulnerable. Didn't you?"

"I guess."

"And a couple of hours later you woke up to his kissing and dick pokes and did it again?"

"Yes."

"Anything to add or change there?"

"No, that went just the way I said earlier."

"And then in the morning he dropped you home. Did he take you to the office to pick up your car first or did you...."

"Umm, before that...."

"Yeah?"

"You wanted me to be completely and totally honest."

"Yes."

"We did it again in the morning."

"So you lied earlier."

"I didn't....well, whatever. I am telling you the whole truth now. We fucked again in the morning."

"When?"

"I woke up to him fingering me. We were spooning then. He was hard again. Probably morning wood. He fingered me till I was awake, and then entered me, still spooning. He was..."

"In what..."

"Let me just finish telling you. And I will try to tell you everything you will probably ask me anyway. He entered me from behind. He lasted about 5 minutes, fucking me while spooning throughout. I came in a couple of minutes and came pretty hard, maybe because it was an unfamiliar angle. You and I never fuck in that position. This was an early morning impulsive fuck. So he wasn't wearing a condom. But..."

"WHAT???"

"But he didn't cum inside me. He pulled out just before. And came on my ass."

"What the fuck? Without a......"

"I know what you are thinking. I got myself tested for HIV and other STD's twice since then. I am clean."

"I.....okay."

"Then I washed up, he got ready, dropped me off. And so on. That's that."

"That's not that thought. You said you decided to be friends. But there was a second night."

"Yes, and honey I will tell you about it. But I have a really early day tomorrow."

"So do I."

"Can we pick this up tomorrow night? I'll drive up to LA and go to work late on Wednesday."

"No, that's okay."

"Seriously, I don't have anything important Wednesday morning. I can drive up tomorrow."

"I'd rather you didn't."

"What? Why?"

"I....I am not sure I can handle seeing your face right now without doing something......stupid."

"Oh......"

There was silence on the line for about a minute.

"I am really sorry I hurt you, Pat. But I love you. You are my life. Please forgive me."

"You should go to sleep. Good night."

"Good night honey. I love you. Do you love me?"

"I do. But I don't know if I should."

"I understand. Good night."

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We spoke again the next night. After she called, we talked about some mundane stuff for a minute or so until she got down to the point.

"So about the second night. I need you to know that I love you and I am going to be totally honest with you and I understand if you want to leave me."

"Okay whatever. So when was it?"

"A few days after the first night."

"How many days?"

"Three or four days."

"How did it start?"

"It started with....oh god I feel so horrible. You know his girlfriend was suspicious?"

"Yes, and she wanted to meet you."

"Yes. Anyway, after the first night, we spoke a few times about how what we did was a mistake. he was committed to his girlfriend and I was committed to our marriage. So we decided to just forget it ever happened and chalk it down to a mistake."

"But that didn't stick, did it?"

"His girlfriend getting suspicious was a little weird. She really had no reason to be. Before that first night, we had never even flirted with each other. And then as soon as it happened, she started pestering him about me."

"Maybe a woman's intuition?"

"Maybe. But he thought that someone might have tipped her off. Maybe someone in our office who was jealous of our friendship. Or someone else."

"Maybe he boasted to people he had bedded you and one of them told her."

"I don't think so."

"It's possible."

"Anything's possible. Anyway, she kept insisting that she wanted to meet me. The first time he asked me, I refused. I was dealing with my own guilt. I didn't need to be interrogated by his girlfriend. But he promised she wouldn't interrogate me. Just wanted to meet me."

"Did she interrogate you?"

"Eventually, no."

"Why did you agree to finally meet her?"

"He just wore me down I guess."

"Like in bed?"

"On the third or fourth day when he kept begging me, I agreed to meet her. But only for a little while over coffee."

"At his place?"

"No, at a coffee shop."

"Just the three of you?"

"Yes. And her behavior towards me was.....disrespectful."

"She yelled at you?"

"No. She didn't yell at me, she didn't interrogate me, it was just...very passive aggressive. It's hard to describe. But her whole agenda seemed to be to mark her territory and tell me in a not so subtle way to back off without saying so."

"How?"

"Well, after the initial introductions, during which she only said a very curt hello to me, she pretty much ignored my presence. She was also dressed very revealingly, showing a lot of thigh and cleavage. She is....she seemed to be trying to show that she was hotter and prettier than me."

"Okay."

"When he went to get us coffee, she just kept checking her phone without saying a word to me. When he came back, she started making out with him. Like a teenager. And throughout, he would keep looking at me once in a while to see my reaction."

"What was your reaction?"

"Outwardly, I was ignoring it. But inside, I was feeling upset at her doing this to me."

"Why were you upset? You had fucked her boyfriend! Her suspicions were correct!"

"I didn't say I was correct in feeling upset."

"Damn right you weren't."

"Anyway, after making out like that, and I could see that even the other customers in the shop were getting, uncomfortable, she got a phone call. Which she stepped away to take. When she left, he started apologizing to me for this. He said he had no idea it would be this bad. I didn't say anything."

"Okay."

"Then she came back and talked to him. She said she couldn't spend the night at his place because she had to go to Santa Barbara right away to reshoot some ad. She works in advertising."

"As a model?"

"No, as a photographer. She asked him to drop her off at the airport. And they left. She didn't even bother saying goodbye to me."

"Okay, then?"

"After they left, I finished my coffee and started driving home. I was feeling pretty upset by the whole experience. And I was really angry with him for putting me through it and not speaking up."

"What could he speak up about? She wasn't berating you or anything."

"Yes, but still, I was very upset. I felt....and yes I was wrong to feel that way....but I felt I deserved some respect. I went home, and sat going over the entire incident in my mind and feeling angrier by the minute. Then I....I decided I needed to confront him."

"Why?"

"I don't know. It just felt like the thing to do at that moment. So I got in my car and drove over to his place right away."

"Oh no. Don't tell me! You....that very night?"

"I am not proud of it."

"That was the second night? After you sat in front of his girlfriend pretending to just be his friend, a couple of hours later you go and fuck him again?"

"I am not proud of it."

"So what did you do at his place?"

"When I got to his place, he had just returned from the airport after dropping her off. He was surprised to see me when he opened the door. I stormed in and started yelling at him. How dare she? How could she? How could he? Why the fuck? And so on."

"How did he take it?"

"Initially he was very apologetic. But as I kept ranting, he started arguing back too. Saying he didn't have a choice. What could he do? She was already suspicious, even more than her usual possessive insecure self. We argued back and forth for a while. Saying some hurtful things to each other. And then he said he regretted ever meeting me. At which I got really angry and turned around to leave. He ran behind me and grabbed me before I made it to the door. And started saying he was sorry. And he didn't mean it. And...."