This story contains scenes of reluctant sex, so you read it on your own responsibility with reference to morality and law. All names and characters contained herein are fictitious and do not intentionally relate to any person, either living or dead. This story is a work of fiction, a fantasy -- so read it with a grain of salt and an open mind. All characters are at least 18 years of age. Voting and feedback is greatly appreciated.
"That's enough!" Martha hissed furiously pushing the computer keyboard from herself. With the shivering hand she raised mug with the cooled down coffee to the mouth and fixing one's eyes on the wall behind the monitor took the sip of cool liquid. Tears of the helplessness appeared in corners of her eyes. What for the crudeness is ruling in this web – her miserable mind for personal use commented next unsuccessful from her point of view conversation on the watch. " whether really it is so hard to find somebody to whom it will be possible to explain that the psychological construction of the man is a little bit more complicated than the structure of the flail?" She put the mug back on the desk even not realizing his being.
She had lots of time on her hands today enough for the thinking, although she wasn't sure, whether it is just for her now needed. Kids as a reward for good ranks went for two days to grandfathers, Jack would be coming back from the delegation only the day after tomorrow, the domesticity was reduced almost up to the naught and only floating sounds from not watched by nobody TV set ineptly faked normalcy of the house usually full of the children's hubbub. It is not a former supporting atmosphere for taking the next attempt to find friendly soul ready for understanding her situation. Somebody so had to after all wait for her, lost somewhere in the clump of the Internet network. Martha had to take into consideration, that once again in the window of the personal call the same as always she would read, that it was ill and she should leave him, that let she isn't pretending because she certainly wants it and is searching for only justifying, that it won't be possible to believe the frankness of what she is saying. She tightened the mouth in helpless anger leaving her husband study in which their house computer stood. When she entered the kitchen a tear of loneliness and shame flowed across her cheek. She searched for the job which could tear the mind away for her from the problem from which she could not even confide in nobody. She could see a unique chance online, and she found only sneers and mockery interrupted with only requests for enabling the contact with the husband there. Unfortunately, immaculately the kitchen cleaned out and the lack of the need to prepare anything in it didn't give hope for breaking away from torment in which she stuck for two years.
She finally gave up. She went to the living room and laid down on the sofa. Not shutting down the quietly playing TV set she closed her eyes permitting her trembling mind the next hell of memories. Once again everything what led to the situation, in which she had to search the Internet Ocean for somebody who would like to understand, has stood up in front of her eyes.
Closed eyelids of her eyes like the cinema screen portrayed that day, when Jack for the first time decided to tell her what so much was tormenting him. For these a few years from her memory no word, no gesture or the memory of tingling running then through her body didn't fly away.
She sat then on the same sofa snuggled to Jack watching a match on television. She liked to nestle this way into his side and to close her eyes. Even she was satisfied, that he had examined the TV set kind of casually only embracing her with shoulder. Then she could simply close her eyes and delight in the closeness of the loved man. As the same as today children were at parents and still like today only sound of the TV set constituted the background for her thought. Then however thoughts were different, love for the husband and sense of being loved filled their content up, joy of family happiness. They were fine this way.
She overlooked even, because how she would be supposed to notice that Jack looked into the TV set, but even he didn't know what he was watching. Fighting with his own thoughts he plucked with fingers armrest of the sofa, kind of preparing himself to something what already he decided, but he was afraid to bring into effect.
"Martha," he stopped the idyllic party of her thought in the end.
Lightly thrown off the blissful numbness for a moment she was returning to reality.
"Yes, darling?" She looked upwards into his eyes. He had the head turned away into the side as if he wanted to tell her what he can see behind the window hidden from view with the net curtain.
"Martha …" His voice was uncertain and quiet. "I would like to talk with you about something," breaks between next sentences showed doubts. "But I don't know how I am supposed to say it."
The blush pouring on her face restored Martha to reality. This way this first moment most often looks, in whom listener - surprised more with the tone than content of the statement - is starting impulsively being afraid of what he can hear in a minute. The playing TV set only emphasized a deathly hush which suddenly lied between spouses. Martha sat down straight not taking the eyesight away from his face turned towards the window and she put her hands on knees.
"Jack," her high-pitched voice trembled unsteadily hung somewhere between fear and the concern. "After all I can see that something is biting you for some time."
It was truth. For a dozen or so days Jack behaved somehow strange. Everything was like as ever, but sensitive soul of the loving wife in seemingly unimportant knick-knacks noticed tracks of behavior heralding something wrong. A little more often he has closed himself up in the study, longer than usually he has spent a lot of time by the computer sitting up all nights, has more rarely smiled and on more and more long became absent for surroundings. It worried her, but entertained with home duties with the comfortable easiness she put it down to his problems at the work. However she violently realized now that maybe not accurately she had disregarded the situation.
"Martha," he repeated not lowering his eyes from a patterned curtain. "I don't not only know how to start, but whether generally speaking to start."
"I thought that we were having no secrets from each other," her voice expressed the more and greater tension, "so I don't understand where from generally speaking it is hesitation. Jack what happened?"
"Nothing happened. I simply … sure about mums … hmmm … trouble"
"I can see it." She didn't lower her eyes from his turned away eyes.
"But I don't know how… I don't know how to tell you it."
"Jack," she raised the tone of the voice suddenly and her heart started its beating more quickly, "I am starting being afraid. She rested right hand on his knee. She has always done it when needed to support him on the ghost in difficult times.
"Because… because something tires me and I cannot handle it …" He started to stumble between individual words trying at all costs to say neatly. "I am ashamed to talk about it …"
"Ashamed?" She cut him short. "Are you ashamed of me?"
"So… well, well, I brought myself finally to it to… to talk, but… but I don't already know…" He started stuttering. "Yeah because… yeah because… yeah or else it concerns our intimate marital matters and I am afraid that you will start to hate me for it or you will feel the aversion to me." He fired off closing words quickly rubbing his hands together with nervously.
Blood ran off from the face of Martha and she felt the cold sweat on the back. She turned her eyes onto the same net curtain, at which with unseeing eyesight watched her husband. They looked now in harmony into the same point in the stillness silent. For the long moment they went deep into their own thoughts being afraid to stop this silence, as if in agreeable anxiety of the continuation. "That is it so," it flashed for her in the thought. "That is it so, it enough explicitly sounded." She removed the hand from his knee and propped the chin with wreathed hands. His words shocked her like a bolt from of the blue.
So that was a woman. Actually she should guess earlier considering that their intensive so far and passionate sex life started in the last weeks losing its impetus. She never took such a possibility into consideration dormant with tenderness and the mildness of the husband. After all such things are happening exclusively to different people. She wasn't prepared for accepting such a message, not today, not now, when she was fine hugged to the husband's side, never.
However now in her agitated head started flashing the thoughts distant from the ones which usually accompany betrayed wives when they learn about the betrayal of the husband. Not only the ones anyway. Suddenly, with force of accompanying pangs of conscience, in front of her eyes did stood a distinct image of what she did five months earlier, and what at all costs she wanted to forget about as soon as possible. Behind the curtain of tightened eyelids everything appeared to fire what so stubbornly she wanted to throw away from her past.
The company planned sending her for this training for ages and in the end it took place in the end of the June. She was even pleased with a possibility of getting away from the cares of daily life for four days. The place was encouraging. The modern training centre situated in depths of Masurian forests attracted with one's location the more so because heat began on this summer earlier and nothing announced their weakening. Indeed, only an air-conditioning installed on a lecture hall enabled to carry normal classes on. Even nights didn't give the respite being enough after days spent at lectures, pestering as even as for this season exceptionally with high temperatures.
The dinner organized on the eve of the departure didn't herald exceptionally itself. Martha planned even an early return to the hotel room wanting to get enough sleep neatly before the journey to the house on the next day. She had four hundred kilometers in the train with the break for the arduous change in the capital city. Celebrations were a standard party for trainings of this type, which costs were counted into the price constituting the additional attraction attracting customers. Considering the low average of participant's age organizers decided to spice up the bore normal on such suppers of the gluttony and the drunkenness with dance at the calm music and the softened light. The supper ran in the convivial atmosphere. Martha quickly relaxed plunged in the cheerful conversation with people only just got to know. Alcohol, music and an atmosphere of informality didn't give cause for glancing at watches. It was more and more cheerfully, more and more loosely, more and more the wine enjoyed a lot, less and less world of chatty people became distinct, and more and more pulled to itself the parquet on whom more and more affectionately it was possible to lean against the partner in the dance.
Karol, probably that was his name, paid her attention to himself from the beginning of the course. Apart from the fact that he was simply handsome, he had something in the manner what attracted her. As if alienated out of the rest of participants of the course he didn't participate in loud talks filling adjournments of lectures up with the not ending stream of jokes and rumors. He walked along corridors as if lost in the world of his own, from time to time stressing only one's membership in the group with friendly smile sent mainly to women. People of the similar manner have always pulled Martha. Jack was best example of it with his regular „emigrations" to one's personal universe, to whom even closest didn't have access. Sometimes his personal world just shaped their everyday life, but in spite of it they were fine with themselves. Karol in this respect reminded her husband very much. „So more of such copies walk on this world" she even thought up to the end of the first day of the course. The more so she was glad that he had sat down by her when as last person went up the room in which celebrations took place. It didn't disturb Martha at all that there had been this only vacancy which then still stayed and quickly she got in touch with him. She was pleased that she had managed to tear him out from the meditation and at least for one evening to restore him to this part of the universe, on which they travelled together. Even she overlooked the moment when she talked exclusively to him, when she danced only in his shoulders which with every instrumental attracted her more and more closely to the hot male body. It is hard to say which moment alcohol and music got their conversation by the table to undertone, and words swam in the dance more and more with sensory whisper annoying the finger tip of her ears with Karol's warm breath. More and more instead of dancing she swam into the rhythm of the music hugged to his breast, more and more she walked away far from the rest of the company and from world which only tomorrow was to remind her of its being. No, she didn't think about Jack and about children, not at the moment. Even when he pulled her firmly to himself with hand put low on her back and she felt on her belly his hard manhood, she didn't feel ashamed. Only warm pierced her body with the pleasant surprise. She overlooked the moment, when the safe edge walked away from the reach of her hand and she let tides of passion triggered with delusion of looks, words, and the drunken night pull herself up. However she understood it too late, only after a few hours. He crushed her to him still more firmly whispering to the ear: „And you can see what you did to me?" From this moment Martha said nothing up to the return to the hotel room. It was probably a longest period of silence in her lifetime. Almost involuntarily she plunged in - incomprehensible until now for her - the amok of devotion oneself to the different man so much, that up to today the reaction of her own soul remain a riddle for her.
She did not protest, when he led her out from hall full of the sounds of alcoholic conversations. „Let's go, we will have a change of fresh air." He said, and she obeyed him without the word. She did not protest, when he did not stop on the terrace of the building and led her for the hand in the direction of the nearby forest. She did not tell anything, he did not tell anything more too. They had been absorbed by thick, sweltering night whose darkness lit up only silver faint light of the moon among the trees of the forest.
They went through the forest in the silence, and Martha knew for what she goes. The world whirled around her in the almost narcotic drowse and she was already able to do nothing except for the adaptation one's step to the man leading her. It did not surprise her, when she heard after a dozen or so minutes of the silent walk: „This is here". She remembers today that one can qualify his behavior since this moment as the working of the robot. Mechanical actions devoid of emotions and passions stayed then in the contradiction with her condition of intoxication of the June night so very much. She was not able however not only to react on his soullessness, but to even express one word of the comment. When she heard as he unbuttons trousers and then as he speaks: „kneel down." She slumped on knees without the word of the protest. At once she met with the mouth his stiff manhood. She closed eyes and did her duty with devotion on what she could afford. It did not disconcert her neither did not arouse reluctance, when raising her from knees he said after several minutes as if he was more interested in the starry sky than her: „take off panties and tights only from one leg not to lose this somewhere here". Feeling the rotation of the world around and still the taste of his dick in the mouth she did what she was told. She left one slipper in her hand, she was not to use hands any more. „Lie down on the back, the grass is dry." His next words were equally dry and mechanical as previous. Martha did not even wonder what will happen in the moment to her blouse and skirt already pressed in the carpet of green vegetation, this world did not exist for her yet. Lying down she got to hear the sharp sound of the ripped packaging of the condom which was foreboding of inevitable. As only she felt on her back the chill of the June grass, she begun to react mechanically not waiting for his next command. With free hand she drew up the skirt above the navel and spread her legs simultaneously bending them in knees. First she felt the chill on already moist labia lips and soon after his burning-hot head of penis which was looking for entry to her body. Lack of passion and soullessness of his behavior became clear to her now. He drove himself in her with such impetuosity and without any preparation that she had groaned loudly. This was odd, that this moment could lightly hurt even after so many years of the marriage. Karol quickly passed to the proper rhythm to that, what did not even resemble the passionate intercourse and was only ordinary, strong and devoid of senses fucking. He had not kissed her for all the time, he had not even looked in her the face. Holding Martha's hips with both hands he was staring in the place where his stiff penis operated with male stubbornness…
Paralyzing now the confession of her husband was mixed with the feeling of the guilt. She did not admit to this hoping that she would never have to. She loved Jack and he loved her, but she was terrified of fear putting their love to such test. The temporary drunken stupor and the temperature of the June night did not make up in her conviction of any justification. Only what she could do, was to try to forget. It was not easy to look eyes of loved man, but betrayed by oneself. She felt lousy, for many intoxicating marital nights she could not throw out from her memory the painting of that forest glade and free oneself the feeling of the doing harm to the someone she loved. However what she heard completely from him now turned her life of value upside down. The betrayal of her husband which hurt so much was mixed with her own betrayal which hurt still more. Moreover, if he had admitted to his betrayal now, then he at least would behave a lot of more decently than she had. In which way would she be able to bear him the grudge with such dose of the feeling of the own fault? How has she to react? Not, she will not summon herself up to admission of that June night, but this weakness only increased disgust for alone herself.
"Martha…" Jack roused her from torpor. "I apologize, forgive me, if you feel repugnance to me … this has nothing to do with my love to you… as I love you very much, Martha…"
She closed her eyes. She wanted to have this behind herself as most quickly as possible. She needed the time to consider what had happened to both of them.
"Cough it out off yourself at last." Her voice was trembling but sounded calmly. "Say though, what is her name and what is she better than me in. " Last words surprised Martha on her own. It was difficult for her not to ask herself simultaneously the similar question only replacing the word „she" with that man's name.
"What?" The surprise sounded in his voice. "What are you talking about? Whose name?"