Wrestling With Life's Cruel Irony Ch. 03

This is a continuation of the Cruel Irony series and the ramifications of an adulterous indiscretion. The precursor to Wresting With Life's Cruel Irony chapters commences with Cruel Irony.

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The days immediately after his return home Pam did not tell her husband the news. While not racked by self doubt and fear, those feelings ran through her enough to give her to hold off telling Jeff. She did not want to misstep. She rehearsed her phrases as she awaited the right moment. The moment was one of the most important ones in her life and Pam wanted to get it right.

She also knew she had to become clearer on her feelings toward Vince and Doris. Rage, confusion, sympathy, revenge and love commingled together toward them.

She wondered if she should expose them because of all the pain it would bring to both families. Yet if she remained silent and did not tell her mother, was she not just as guilty as her father by helping to cover up his affair? Yet if she told her mother, she would be bringing upon her mother great anguish and pain. She could not see her mother not throwing Vince out and seeking a divorce forthwith.

She felt equal rage toward Doris. The memory of Doris' motherly support to her during the three months her mother recovered from her auto accident had a warm place in her heart. Doris was there daily by Tara's side as she lay in a comma for sixteen days and was there to help her keep the house clean as her legs and foot healed. She felt sympathy for Doris, yet she could not escape the fact that Doris was equally at fault for this situation and for the affair.

Pam cried within, "Why did she not speak up? I would not be is such pain if she did." Moments later she would acknowledge that if Doris had spoken that she would neither be married nor carrying the love of her life's baby. The thought of her mother-in-law remaining silent caused her to feel strangely warm.

Tuesday morning Pam drove to her alma mater, to speak to Tim. She called him Monday and he was free to see her at eleven o'clock. She trusted him and he already knew about her marriage. As Pam walked across campus to the college's chapel she called Tim and left a message that requested that he meet her there rather than in his office.

She recalled one of Tim's lectures that touched upon confidentiality and legal protections for teachers and counselors. He noted the law does not give counselors the same confidentiality protection as it gives to lawyers and clergy. He noted that though he was a member of the clergy, he was uncertain how the courts would rule on confessions and counseling conducted in his office as a Dean and professor versus what takes place in a pastoral role in the chapel or church office. Given the nature of the subject, she wanted to speak to him in the chapel and in his clergy role.

She entered the chapel fifteen minutes before the appointed time. Pam sat there reflecting and meditating. She had been alarmed that she had not been feeling guilty for being married to Jeff. In the silence her eyes feel upon a painting and a lamb. At that moment she knew she married Jeff in good-faith. She and Jeff were innocent. Now that she knew, if she continued to be married to her half-brother, was she not committing a sin? She sighed deeply, "remain married I sin. Divorce I sin."

The impact upon a divorce upon their child as the years passed also had to be taken into account. She knew her own heart and that of Jeff's all to well. Remaining married without conjugal relations would not work. Their love for each other, their enjoyment of sex made that an impractical solution. Divorce or truly remain married were the only options. It was unavoidable, no matter what they were going to sin in the eyes family and friends. Tears streamed as Pam prayed.

Just before eleven o'clock she sensed Tim's presence beside her. He provided her his handkerchief. Tim sat quietly giving her time to speak. She thanked him for meeting her in the chapel and said needed his pastoral counsel. He led her to a back room used for pastoral visits.

For the next forty-five minutes Tim and Pam talked. As usual he did not give her any answers or say what he would do – that was not his approach. He raised questions, provided thoughts for her to contemplate and helped her to define the issues and options. While doing so, he helped her to clarify her heart. She felt stronger about her conclusion not to seek revenge. Tim concurred that it would likely harm her in unexpected ways.

The closest he came to giving her direct advice was at two points. He noted that by keeping quiet about the affair she would be participating in the cover-up. When and how she would tell her mother was in her hands, but it should take place in the next two months. Before she left, he held her hand and prayed with her. The other point was with regard to her feelings that she would sin no matter what she did. Tim smiled that God's judgment was not harsh in her situation. It was the state of their hearts on their wedding day and their innocence that carried forward to cover their marriage.

As she drove home she thought through the significance of Tim's comments about innocence covering their marriage. Tim had noted that her wrestling with the issues and the questions she raised reflected that she had a warm heart. Many in our society he noted would not give a second thought to these issues. Her heart ached because she was starting with the premise of a life of love and gentleness. Pam felt he was being over generous in his evaluation of her heart but she appreciated his affirmation.

Another statement that struck her was, "God knows your heart. What you choose to do, do with the purest of love's intent. God will understand and grant peace." Pamela's mind kept replaying Tim's statement, "If you continue to be married, you shall have my support. No one else really needs to know." With renewed confidence she determined once again that she would fight to remain married and not give any consideration to any other option.

In her meeting with Tim admitted she was very angry with Doris. Tim's comment that he could not be as harsh upon Doris but had sympathy for her softened her view of her mother-in-law. He hinted that Doris was being victimized.

Though Tim had met Vince only briefly during events for parents, working off what little knowledge he had firsthand and from Doris's statement his speculation about her father's personality and character impressed Pam. If Vince played upon her feelings of guilt in a threatening manner he could see how Tim understood how the affair could become an ongoing affair. Tim's comment, "Doris will only be free if there is external intervention" played upon her mind for days.

The week before Labor Day Pam was back in the classroom, and soon was focused upon her class. Looking at her calendar the third week of classes she was reminded that in six days she had another doctor's appointment and had yet to talk with Jeff. This was the visit she would ask her doctor about having a tubal ligation. Jeff needed to be told before the visit.

Late Saturday afternoon she lay in her husband's arms watching a college football game. As his hands started to play with her breasts she pushed them away. She did not want to get distracted like last night.

Pam sat up and turned toward her husband. Seeing the expression on her face Jeff held her hands in his and asked, "Baby, what's wrong? I am sorry. What have I done or said?" That was just like Jeff, quickly accepting fault and seeking forgiveness even if he was not at fault. His willingness do accept blame even when she was at fault not only brought down her defenses but deepened her love for him. He was so unlike Vince who faulted others and would only grudgingly admit to being wrong.

Pam's tears started to roll. She thought she was prepared. Even though she had rehearsed the opening words, it was extremely difficult to get started.

Jeff sat silently letting her to gather her thoughts and fortitude. He was determined not to make this any harder on her as he sensed she was under stress. Taking a deep breath she started "I learned some bad news about us from your mother."

His face swiftly became stoic. He waited for her to continue. Between tears she described his mother her breaking into tears at the reception and being led away with Pam following. "And when I approached the door I heard your mother confess that she had an affair...with...my father. And...and my father is....is also....your...."

She could not finish. Jeff's mouth opened. Then she saw in her husband's eyes that he discerned the significance of what she trying to tell him. With moist eyes he stuttered, "you mean that you and..."

She nodded, "brother and sister." Tears flowed again like a river from Pam's eyes. Jeff pulled her into himself and held her. Though he fought to remain stoic and calm, she heard him sniffle.

Jeff was stunned. His face became unreadable. He wanted to scream and run but he also wanted to hold his wife. And he held her silently for ten minutes be he rose and paced back and forth. Pam remained quiet. She gave him time to gather his thoughts. The fact that he held her tightly was positive. She remained silent when he walked to and fro for she knew her husband used pacing to rid himself of unproductive feelings and the temptation to lash out.

As he paced quietly Jeff's mind continued to review his feelings and options. Mr. Hart, his mentor, helped Jeff develop the skill of quickly listing options rather than settling on the first one that came to mind. Annulment/divorce....a possibility but not practical. It would destroy both their hearts. Living as man and wife but not being intimate is only theoretically possible....but no way that would work. They loved each other too much to do that to themselves. Remaining married with one or the other moving, a separation without a divorce is possible. Her heart would not survive. It was a divorce all but short of the legal papers. He could not do that to her. He knew too he would die inside as well. Lastly, living as they have been. Remaining married is where his heart lay.

In Jeff's mind, their consciences were clear. They entered marriage without knowledge of their common parentage. Though some would argue that they could no longer be blameless, he would disagree with them. Divorce was something that he and Pam viewed as a last resort for various situations or for abusive situations. He concluded a divorce or separation would not do them or their baby any good. Divorce would satisfy some narrow minded judgmental people who did not have to live out the consequences.

His mind focused upon his wife when he realized she had been worrying about this for weeks. Jeff sat beside his wife and pulled her into his arms to comfort her. Hugging Pam, he kissed her. He whispered in her ear, "I am sorry you have carried the burden of this news all by yourself. I do not think I would have broken under its weight." Smiling and looking into her eyes his right hand wiped her tears away.

As his had touched her belly he said that every day he saw her he vowed to himself to the best father possible. "I am going to raise and protect this child, to wipe the tears from his or her eyes, to mold and shape the child to be a generous loving and proper person. There is one and only one option, for his heart, her heart and the baby."

Jeff kissed away the latest tears of his wife. He breathed deeply. He was going to fight for her and their marriage. "I am going to love you every day until he breathed his last breath."

They continued to hold and kiss without speaking a word. They affirmed their love and marriage through their embracing. Between kisses he looked into her eyes, "you are my wife. That is all that matters." He stood and drew his wife up. He took her hand and led her to the bedroom.

She looked at him, "and what do you have in mind?"

"Making love to my wife and telling her that I will not let her go."

Tears of joy welled from within her soul. Arriving at their bed he ever so slowly undressed her, raised her maternity dress over her head and removed her maternity bra. He dropped before her to remove her large maternity panties. As she stood before him he knelt down to kiss one then the other foot before kissing up her leg to her core so beautifully nestled between her thighs. He gazed at her pussy noting how it had changed in recent weeks to become more enlarged and swollen.

She looked down but could not see past her distended belly. She closed her eyes picturing him in her mind while feeling his kisses and long licks. When he briefly took her clit into his mouth and used the tip of his tongue to toy with it, she felt her body start to quake. Before she could climax and satisfy the fire between her thighs Jeff moved upward.

Rising upon his knees to gave special attention to having his roaming kisses move around and around her enlarged stomach before moving onward to her two breasts. Pausing at her large breasts topped with deep brown areola and nipples, he took each nipple in his mouth. Then he smothered her neck and face with kisses, but still had not kissed her lips.

Pam's eyes remained closed as she hummed her pleasure. As he finally kissed her Pam felt herself being guided to the bed and then centered upon it. She opened her eyes and watched him undress. He removed his shirt to reveal his solid manly chest. Then his pants feel to the floor, followed by his briefs. There stood brave and proud his hard shaft pointing at her. Her eyes focused upon the cock that produced their child that soon would emerge from her. She loved looking at it, making love to it with her hands, mouth and pussy.

As Jeff moved to lie beside his wife he took message oil from the drawer. He proceeded to message the oil into her soft skin. He lovingly took his time, covering every inch of her, from head to toe, front and back. Pam was feeling so loved and desired. Her heart soared to the clouds. When she could reach it as he moved around her, Pam softly held and stroked her husband's hard shaft.

As he moved her on to her hands and knees, she knew what was coming. She moved a pillow under her stomach and offered herself to her husband.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Pam's husband slipped quarter inch by quarter inch of his hard hot cock into her warm, moist pussy. He enjoyed feeling her pussy lips gradually parting for him and how she embraced his shaft within her. She too was enjoyed the pleasure of every inch of their union. Due to her being in the latter stage of her pregnancy he took it more slowly at first to allow for her to adjust.

Once to the very gates of her inner womanly lips Jeff held himself against them. Against her cervix he started rotating his hips slowly so that his cock's tip slid back and forth across her inner gates behind which rested their child. Pam moaned with pleasure as she glanced backward. She saw only pleasure and love on his face.

After minutes of pleasing her slowly he started to thrust slowly in and out, up, down and around her love channel. The beautiful and rich feelings being generated by her pussy shot up and around their child and into the rest of her body. She longed to finally give birth to the child within her, not only so that she could be more comfortable sleeping but also because she could become more active in their lovemaking. After all these long months she also desired to hold their child conceived in love in her arms and to suckle the babe at her breasts.

Her passion urged Jeff to not just make love to her but to fuck her harder, to drive them both to a climax. Pam's pussy was ablaze with a desire for satisfaction. Her body was desirous for whatever it could take. She longed for as much since she feared that this could be their final time until weeks following the baby's birth.

He responded to her pleading. Jeff thrust his hips forward while Pam rocked her hips backward as much as her pregnant belly would allow. As the bed struck the wall her eyes noticed the scaring marks of their prior couplings. She did not want to have those marks repaired as they reminded her of many wild and pleasurable nights, afternoons and a few mornings.

Looking left into her dresser mirror she gazed in fascination at her enlarged breasts. They hung downward swinging freely like a pendulum. Amazingly she did not really feel them swinging as her senses were so focused upon the waves of pleasure rippling out from her pussy.

Pam repeatedly moaned and cried "yes" as she came. Still in need of his own relief Jeff kept thrusting. His momentum kept building. The faster he thrust the harder his cock's impact upon her cervix became. The stronger the impact, the more dramatic the quaking it sent through her thighs and stomach and out into the rest of her body.

Her ears clued into the change in her husband's groans. The pace of his breathing and the pitch in his voice signaled he was close. She felt herself getting close to another powerful climax. A handful of thrusts later she screamed she was cumming. Just as her climax approached its zenith her husband's eruption flowed forth to warm her inner sanctum.

As Jeff started to cum he held himself as deep as possible within his wife. When the last of his quaking finished, his knees became jelly. He fell beside his wife. Once he withdrew she dropped to her side and cuddled against him murmuring her agreement to his statements of "wow". The breathless "wow" was more than adequate for how she felt. Once again, if she died after such a passionate moment she could not find a better moment to give up one's last breath.

Their breathing calmed, and the hot sweat became cold upon their skin. Pam leaned over Jeff and kissed his lips lovingly before saying, "thank you for that my husband."

"No, thank you my dear wife. I am blessed to be your husband."

Pam and Jeff lay cuddled knowing that they were truly one. In both their minds his release was the affirmation that they belonged to each other. She knew that they had just affirmed their marriage through the pleasure and love they sealed with his deposit within her. They were only husband and wife, and that's how they would remain.

Unspoken, both felt relieved that each felt the same way about the other. They both looked forward to growing old and grey together.

A half hour later, Jeff rose and drew a warm bath for her. He knew she loved to sit and read in a warm bath. When the bath was drawn, and the bath oil added, he guided her to the warm water. Slowly he bathed his wife's lovely body. When he finished she continued to lazily enjoy the warm water while reading a novel. When she finished Pam found her husband in bed watching television. She crawled against the king pillow she used to help comfort her and he cuddled lightly against her back. Talking about their discovery could wait until the morrow. They were content to be at peace with themselves and each other as they fell asleep.

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Over the following days they both worked through their feelings about their parents. Jeff was moody and angry the next day. By the third day he had become more reflective.

He felt that providing the genetic material does not make one a father. Fatherhood he told Pam is about providing for one's children, loving and shaping them, sharing their sorrows and joys, spending time with them, encouraging them when they are discouraged and helping to instill values and ethics. Hearing her husband speak about fatherhood she realized all that she lacked from Vince. She was happy that Royce was her husband's father. She was confident that Jeff would be all that he described for his child. A tear formed she sadly reflected on what she had missed.

Jeff still had a hard time understanding how his mother could have been having an going affair. He felt that there was something much more than what they knew. Though he agreed with his wife that they could not remain silent on the affair, he argued that they needed to know more before they said anything. Jeff knew a firm that could help in gathering information. With as much information at hand they could then expose the affair in a more informed manner. By the end of the week Pam and Jeff meet with Mike whose firm worked with Jeff's firm on background checks and other investigations.