Write Your Own Captions Pt. 02byCal Y. Pygia©
In part 1 of this two-part series, I described illustrations in a vintage sex magazine, Sex to Sexty, asking you to supply the illustrations' captions.
The captions, of course, not only comment on the situations shown in the illustrations, but they are also amusing (or are meant to be). The magazine in which they appear was published during the 1960's, so their humor is based upon the attitudes, mores, and taboos of the day. You could have opted to try to guess the original captions, to create captions that would have been likely to have been used with these illustrations, or to create captions that simply fit the illustrations' situations, ignoring past conventions.
In part two of this two-part series, I supply the actual captions that did accompany the illustrations so that you can check your captions against the ones that appeared with the illustrations.
Okay, here goes:
1. Two nude women are seated side by side in bed, their breasts bare, a blanket covering them from the waist down. The one on the left has her arm around the shoulders of the one on the right. The one on the right is fondling the other woman's right breast as she addresses her, speaking to her about advice that her (the speaker's) husband has given her; her statement is the illustration's caption.
Caption: "My husband said I should get involved in his interests. . . . I'm glad I did."
2. A nude woman is seated on a blanket, her back to a tree, knees together, lower legs pointed outward, hands between her thighs, a look of bliss on her face. Beside a stump in the foreground, there is a bottle of wine and a closed book. Lying on his stomach, next to the woman, a nude man, only his face, shoulders, and folded arms visible. It appears that the couple are on a picnic, although no food or basket is shown. The man says something to the woman; his statement is the illustration's caption.
Caption: "A book of verse, a jug of wine, and a BOX LUNCH."
3. A man in a suit and tie stands beside a desk behind which a young woman is seated. The nameplate ob her desk reads "Verse Editor." Stenciled on the door to her office is the name of the company for which she works: "Ace Greeting Cards." The man, who is her landlord, is laughing, but the woman looks annoyed. She has just read a four-line poem that he had handed her; the text, a four-line verse, is the caption.
"It's the same old story. You haven't got a cent. I'm the mean old landlord, So screw me out of the rent."
4. A braless woman in a mini-skirt sits on a roulette table, her legs spread to show her panties. The croupier addresses her; his statement is the illustration's caption.
Caption: "I'm sorry, Miss, but you're not allowed to make split bets."
5. A nude woman lie supine on a psychiatrist's couch, her eyes closed, her arms folded across her tummy. The psychiatrist stands over her; having disrobed, he wears a bra and a pair of panties. The patient speaks to the psychiatrist; her statement is the illustration's caption.
Caption: "I was certainly relieved to find out you're a woman, Dr. O'Hair."
(The original caption, marked through with an editor's blue pencil, reads, ". . . After disrobing, I have the uncontrollable desire to dress like a man."
6. A woman stands next a man seated on a bar stool which is swiveled toward her; a bartender stands on the other side of the bar, eyes closed. The woman, who wears a short dress addresses the man on the bar stool; her statement is the illustration's caption.
Caption: "I'm looking for a meaningful relationship. . . one that means about 30 bucks tonight."
7. A nude woman talks on a wall phone. To her left, part of the kitchen is shown; to her right, part of the bedroom, including the upper body of the nude man who occupies the bed. The woman, speaking to her mother, tells her how her date with her fiancé is progressing; her statement is the illustration's caption.
Caption: "Well, I passed the cooking test, Mom. Now Herbie wants one more tryout before he pops the question."
8. A naked woman, standing beside a bathtub, reassures an old man, who is also naked and holds a towel, that his nose is not too big (although it is uncommonly large); her statement is the illustration's caption.
Caption: "Aw, your nose isn't too big. A few minutes ago, it wasn't even the longest thing on you."
9. A nude man fucks a nude woman who lies on her back, on an oval throw rug, holding a book titled 100 Sex Positions, before a fire blazing in a fireplace. She speaks to him; her statement is the illustration's caption.
Caption: "It's nice to curl up beside the fire with a good book."
10. An tiny alien speaks into a radio as he stands upon the buttocks of one of several women lying in close proximity, some on their backs, others on their tummies, on a nude beach; the extraterrestrial's message to his fellow aliens is the illustration's caption.
Caption: "I'm on Planet Earth. . . the terrain is very bumpy."
11. A smiling nude woman, lies on her side, facing a smiling nude man, who is lying beside her, on his back. Her hand rests upon his lower belly. She is advising her girlfriend as to what she is doing at the moment; her comment is the illustration's caption.
Caption: "I'm just playing with my pet rocks, Marjorie. . . and you?"
12. A nude man is seated in an armchair, facing a couple who are behaving amorously on the television screen. A nude woman, seated so that she is facing him, straddles his thighs. As they fuck, she makes a statement; her comment, which includes a reference to their unmarried state, is the illustration's caption.
Caption: "Just think, Joe. . . if we got married, we could go to bed and do this."
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