Sir and i are in a fairly new relationship and are both learning what it means to be in a D/s relationship. We are also in a relationship as fellow writers, where we serve as editor, advisor, beta reader and/or cheerleader for each other. We relate on a more equal footing when we relate as writers. However, Sir is always Sir and must be obeyed. For instance, Sir has commanded that i write four diary entries each day. He commanded this to serve my needs as writer and as submissive. Unfortunately, i have taken advantage of the looser rein in one area, which has affected my submission in the other. i did not complete my required diary entries.
i have apologized to Sir. He has graciously accepted my apology and even more graciously corrected me. One of his corrections is this essay.
When i complete my diary requirements, i benefit directly in many ways. First, i have connected with Sir in a way that serves as a record of our days and our feelings, our wishes and our needs. It also serves as a way for me to connect emotionally with Sir, even when he is not available. i value very highly the connection i have with Sir and so this benefit is of primary importance.
If i do not complete my required diary entries, then i have deprived myself of my connection to Sir. i thrive on this connection, so i do not wish to deprive myself of it.
Second, i benefit by reading Sir's responses. Sometimes his responses are playful, or tender, or instructive, or thoughtful, or encouraging. And occasionally, Sir's response is a correction of my behavior, which i need. In all cases, i look forward to reading his responses, knowing that he is connecting to me and thinking of me and my needs. i always get a thrill when informed of his response because of that. Since i value very highly the connection Sir has with me, this benefit is also of primary importance.
If i do not complete my required diary entries, then i have deprived Sir of his connection to me. i have also deprived myself of his support, wisdom, and corrections.
Another way i benefit from completing my diary requirements is through the habit-forming nature of a diary. This actually is a double benefit as it affects my submission and my writing. When i obey Sir at least the four times required to write a diary entry every day, i am building the habit of obeying Sir. In four small gestures per day i am submitting and obeying, practicing submission and obedience, reminding myself that submission and obedience make Sir happy, and reminding myself that submission and obedience makes me happy. Since i know that prompt and full obedience to Sir makes him happy and i also know that making Sir happy makes me happy then in four small gestures per day i am helping to ensure Sir's happiness and my own. i value very highly Sir's happiness and i know that he values my happiness, so this benefit is of great importance.
If i do not complete my diary requirements, then i have deprived myself of the habits of obedience and submission. In depriving myself of the habits of obedience and submission, i have deprived Sir of happiness and myself of happiness. In addition, since i know that i disobeyed purposely, and since i know that i have deprived Sir of happiness, i now feel guilty and ashamed of my actions. My guilty and shameful feelings most certainly deprive me of happiness. They likewise deprive Sir of happiness if he knows i am not happy.
The other aspect of habit formation is as a writer. As Sir has told me, "Writers write." i cannot call myself a writer if i do not write. The daily habit of writing, even if i write no more that day than my diary requirements, is of primary importance to any success i may have as a writer. i have heard that it takes ten thousand hours of practice to become an expert at something. The only way for me to put in those ten thousand hours is through the habit of daily writing.
If i do not complete the daily diary requirements, then i have deprived myself of as many steps on the path towards being a writer.
Another way i benefit, as a writer, from Sir's daily diary requirement is through correct practices as i fulfill my requirement. It used to be said that "practice makes perfect," but i have heard coaches now change that to "perfect practice makes perfect." i am not claiming that my diary entries are perfect examples of English spelling, grammar and punctuation--in fact, i had to look up the correct spelling of grammar just now--but i do try to practice as perfectly as possible. i take the time to spell and punctuate correctly. i make sure to use complete sentences. i sometimes agonize over word choice and always at least use care in my word choices. i re-read and edit my diary entries before submitting them to Sir. Since they often are the way i communicate with Sir on the most emotionally-raw level, i want to ensure the entries say precisely what i mean them to say. So, through practicing the craft of writing as perfectly as possible, i am improving my writing. i am also making my relationship with Sir more meaningful by carefully saying exactly what i mean.
If i do not complete my daily diary requirements, then i am depriving myself of as many chances to practice "perfectly" and further slowing my progress on the path to being a writer. In addition, i am depriving myself of as many chances to think carefully about what i want to say to Sir and losing as many chances at making my relationship with Sir that much more meaningful.
Since there are so many benefits to obeying Sir's commandment of four daily diary entries, it is easy for me to see the wisdom of Sir's requirement. Likewise, since there are so many benefits i deprive myself of if i do not fulfill Sir's requirement, it is easy for me to see the foolishness of my disobedience.
Thank you, Sir, for your wisdom and patience with me, your fool, your pet.