Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

"No I'm not saying that, only that I'm not the same person I was back then and neither are you. We've grown and believe it or not have become adults. I love Anna to death and no matter what always want to be a part of her life regardless of what happens between us. What I'm proposing is this. We end what is left of a failed marriage. I'll support Anna but not you also. Wendy you'll have to fend for yourself like everyone else in this world. I'll be back in two months and during that time you need to decide if you want to start over. Just to give you a heads up, I'd like another shot at it but we need to take it slower this time and get to know who we've become. If not, we can go our separate ways, be friends and both have Anna."

We talked until they threw us out of the restaurant; we then went to Denny's for coffee. We worked out a fair split of what we had and what each of our roles would be in regards to Anna. This isn't what Wendy wanted but this was all I was offering. By the time I left our one page divorce decree was done and filed. The following week I was on my way back to Texas to finish my last two months.

Wendy wrote me all the time and we got closer through the letters she sent. She told me a lot of things she was afraid to say in person to me and I hit her with all the hard topics that needed to be addressed when I got back.

It's now been six and a half months since I was discharged. I'm in trade school and working harder than ever. It's been a long time since I'd been in school and I had to relearn how to study. It's a two-year course and then there is a year of fieldwork before I can take the state certification test. I've already lined up a job that will qualify for my fieldwork portion; things are finally starting to look up for me.

My dad understood why Wendy and I got the divorce but my mom went nuts.

"Steve, what if she meets someone else? Don't lose that girl Steve or you'll regret it until the day you die."

I think she just didn't want to lose Anna who was the apple of her eye. Wendy's dad was still an asshole. He said the divorce was the best thing that could have happened to Wendy and about had a cow when I came over to take her to dinner; her mom only smiled.

You see, Wendy and I are dating and have been since my second day back, but we're trying to take it slow this time; I guess you can say I'm courting her. The only condition is that we're not exclusive. We can and have dated others but are not to ask the other about our dates. My mom thinks we're nuts and Anna doesn't understand why her mom and I aren't together but is adjusting to the two households.

It was a little awkward when we both met up at the same restaurant. We both watched each other all through dinner and I guess kind of ignored our dates. Now if I see her out on a date, I go the other way to give us each the opportunity to see if what we had once is still there.

The one thing that didn't change is that we still both rang each other's chimes. It was on our second date that we just fell into one another. It started off as a simple kiss and the next thing we knew we were at a motel having sex. It wasn't love making more like animal lust. I still owe her a new blouse because somehow hers kind of got damaged when I removed it rather rapidly. It was her first time since we'd been apart and she about killed me. We didn't finish until after two in the morning and I told her I'd bring Anna back the next day instead of waking her. It seems now that every time we go out we end up back in the sack, not that I'm complaining.

It was after a rather strenuous and vocal session that things got a little complicated. We were coming down from what had been an over the top love making session and were cuddling and kissing when she dropped a bomb.

"Steve, I don't want you to get mad, but I need to know what were doing."

"Well I'm resting up before I can do it again unless you're too tired," I said with a kiss and smile.

"You know what I mean. Where do you and I stand or it going to be just like this from now on?"

I sat up at this point and flipped on the side lamp.

"Wendy, do you have something you want to say to me?"

"Steve, I've been dating a guy on and off and he told me that the only way he'll go out with me anymore is if we become exclusive."

"Are you sleeping with him?"

"Steve, are you sleeping with the other girls you're taking out?" she snapped back at me. I was with one of them but saw her point and remembered our agreement.

"Wendy, what are you asking me? Do I love you? I think I do. Do I want to marry you? Maybe, but I'm not sure yet. And no, I don't have a time frame right now."

"Well, I guess that answers my question," she said getting out of bed.

"Wendy, what do you want from me?"

"I guess nothing you're willing to give me. If you don't mind, it's getting late and I need to get Anna home and into her own bed tonight."

The ride home was quiet. She looked out the window and I was in deep thought. When we got to mom's house she grabbed Anna and tucked her into her car seat.

"I'll call," I said kissing her on the lips, but she didn't return my kiss. She didn't even look at me as she got in her car and drove away.

I waited three days before calling her. I guess it had been a reasonable question on her part. We weren't exclusive and I was just going with the flow for now.

"Hi honey," is how I started it. "You and Anna want to go out and grab a bite tomorrow?"

"Anna would love to, but I'm busy."

"Well then, how about Friday night then?" I asked.

"Steve, like I said, Anna would love it but I'm busy."

"By busy you mean you don't want to go out with me anymore?"

"Steve, I'm not going to play games with you. What you want I can't give you anymore. I'm finishing up school next year and have to think about Anna's future and mine. I can't hang my hat on maybes any more I need to look forward and not dwell on the past like you once told me. So if you want to pickup Anna, just let me know and I'll have her ready for you." The conversation was short and not so sweet.

"I'll get back to you," I said before hanging up. That began my month from hell.

I saw Anna only when Wendy dropped her of at mom's house. I think you can say I went into a bit of a depression and it was my dad who first noticed and put his boot between my butt cheeks.

"You're walking around like a homeless puppy. Either get your head out of your ass or move on but do one or the other for Christ's sakes. You're twenty-four years old, start acting like it instead of a damn teenager."

I was sitting at Wendy's kitchen table having breakfast with Anna when Wendy made her way down the stairs. She was startled to say the least.

"Steve, what are you doing her, is there something wrong?"

"There's a lot wrong but I can only fix one thing at a time," I told her.

"Steve, I don't understand."

"Anna and I have been sitting here thinking what was missing. We both came to the same conclusion, you. You see, we want you to be having breakfast with us every morning and dinner every night."

"But mommy has to cook," Anna said before taking another bite of toast.

"That's right mommy has to cook, but for all three of us. I guess what I'm doing a bad job of is asking for another chance."

"Steve, I can't go on dating forever not knowing if and when you'll ever make a decision."

"I guess mommy is the one who doesn't understand now." I dropped to one knee and pulled a little box out of my pocket. "Wendy, what I'm asking is to be Anna's full time dad again and your new husband."

"Steve, I thought you said you weren't ready."

"If I wait until I'm ready and have all my ducks in a row there is a chance that you'll be gone, and I couldn't live with that. I want to look into those brown eyes when I go to sleep at night knowing they'll still be there in the morning when I wake up. But if you want to think about it, I guess I'll understand but please not too long." I said standing up handing her the box and walking towards the door.

"Anna, your dad is an idiot do you know that?"

"Momma said a bad word," Anna said covering her mouth trying not to laugh.

"What makes you think I wasn't going to say yes? I've been waiting for those words for too long. I was just afraid I'd never hear you say them. Yes, yes I will marry you again, but since this will be my final wedding, I want a real one this time." And that's what we had.

Anna was a beautiful flower girl and even her asshole of a father came around. I'm not sure if he liked the idea of getting stuck for a big wedding but never said a word. We spent seven days on a cruise ship and even made it out of our cabin once in a while.

On the final night of our honeymoon we were on deck looking at the moon hating that it would soon be over.

"No," she said kissing me with just the right amount of tongue.

"No what?"

"No I didn't sleep with him. We got close a few times but we never did it. Remember years ago, I told you I wasn't a tramp? I only go to bed with someone I really love and that my friend is only you."

I know we must have rocked the ship that night. Did I feel guilty about not telling her about going to bed with Tammy? Yes, since she'd come clean but there was no way in hell I was going to take a chance on screwing up what we had at this very moment. If she ever asks me I'll tell her if not, I'll take that secret to the grave. Starting over will be hard enough without complicating matters. I loved her and Anna to death and would never do anything ever again to hurt them. I guess you can say I finally grew up.