You Can’t Stop Me Ch. 03

*Being insane isn't the problem; acting insane is*

Carmen and I are out on the back patio grabbing some fresh air. I'm pretty sure she's not having a good time, but she's toughing it out for me.

"What is your relationship with Ashe?" Carmen asks as she looks down over the river that runs beneath us.

"Only if you promise to tell me something about yourself when I do," I say. The weather is cold, but the heat of the dance club, even on the second level, is keeping us comfortable outside. Carmen nods and I put an arm around her shoulder and pull her close. She tenses slightly, but then curls in next to me.

"Ashe and I went through Orientation together. We hit it off right away. When we got to that part of the lecture when they said less than half of us would make it through, we pledged to help on another be in that top half. When the first semester rolled around, Steve was my dorm mate and Ashe came around and looked me up. We've been palling around ever since."

"Have the two of you ..." searches Carmen.

"No, you have to tell me something about yourself now," I chide her. She takes a deep breath.

"I was raised by my grandparents. My father was never in the picture, and I didn't spend much time with my mom. She didn't like to stay in one place too long," she tells me.

"When Ashe first came to school she had a boyfriend going to State. About half way through the semester she found out through a mutual friend that he was cheating on her. I had access to a car, and she wanted to confront him, so Ashe, Steve and I go on a road trip over the weekend. There is a fight, we all end up in jail overnight, and there are all kinds of trouble," I respond.

"But did you ..." she tries again.

"Your turn," I insist.

"When I was ten," Carmen sighs, "I went to live with my mother. She was not in a good place and she had boyfriends ... and I was sent home when I was twelve." I don't know what to make of that.

"When we got back to school, there were all kinds of academic problems for the three of us, but we pulled through. Steve and Ashe became close. I guess she felt she needed someone and Steve was easy to like. Ashe and I decided to be good friends, even after she dumped Steve. We've never even kissed ... though we have woken up hung over together twice, all our clothes were on," I joke. "Ashe looks out for me -- that's it."

"She loves you, you know," Carmen says as she looks into my eyes. It is eerie and vulnerable at the same time.

"No way; Ashe is one of my closest friends. We wouldn't screw that up by ever sleeping together. What makes you think she's in love with me?" I inquire playfully.

"I've seen the way she looks at you when you aren't looking," Carmen insists.

"Well, that's bad news for her," I reply.

"Why?" Carmen wonders.

"Because I have you, dummy," I tease. I can't describe the look that comes over Carmen's face; it is such a mishmash of hopes, insecurities and fears.

"Please never leave me," she says as she presses her head against my chest. "Promise me you will never leave me. If you do, I'll never find you again." I stroke my stalker girlfriend's hair. Some wild part of me wants to say 'we should see other people' and another wants to make for the Men's room and never look back.

"Whatever you want Kid," I tell her instead.

"I ... I think I'm ready," she whispers over the sounds of music.

"Ready ... for what ... oh that ... listen Carmen, normally I'm all for giving a girl some booze, taking her out to a place where she gets all hot and sweaty and then having my way with her, but I think this would be a mistake for us," I stammer. I can't believe I just said that.

"You don't want to," she looks up at me. She's soaking me in with those eyes and I think she's about to cry when she hugs me tightly and declares, "I love you so much!" Clearly my mind is still reeling from saying no to sex with such a hot girl because normally the 'L' word sends me running for the door. I'm twenty-one for Christ's sake. I'm too young for love. Still, I'm thinking I'm safe until the next sentence.

"Why did you stay away from Lindsey? I know she can do things for you that I can't. I know she wants to do things to you too," Carmen says in a soft yet intense voice. How in the hell do I safely respond to that?

"Lindsey is out of the picture now. Sure the sex was good," I was going to say great, "but she wasn't faithful. It is hard to regain trust, ya know?"

"Oh, I know all about betrayal," Carmen informs me, "but Lindsey hasn't learned that her betrayal means she's not getting you back. It really makes me angry when she brushes up against you the way she does. She's no good for you."

"Don't worry about Lindsey," I say nervously. "I'll take care of it."

"Leave her to me," Carmen insists and I suddenly see the shoe on the other foot.

"No," I counter, "I said I'll take care of Lindsey and I will. Trust me."

"I trust you, but I don't trust her," she responds.

"I can handle Lindsey," I state clearly.

"That's what I'm worried about," she whispers.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing," she replies.

"Let's go back inside and dance some more," I suggest. "It will get our minds off of other things."

"Okay," Carmen says meekly. Together we lose ourselves in the crowd for the rest of the night.

"I tell you, I found something important," Ashe is telling me the next morning.

"What is it this time? Has Carmen been littering?" I joke

"Well, no," she grins, but I found something weird," she answers. I try to look mildly intrigued. "There was a multiple murder in town six years ago."

"Three guys broke into a house and grievously injured the owner before turning on one another, or so the story goes," Ashe continues. "There was only one person unaccounted for in the crime -- Christina Santos. She was a petty thief who wrangled a job as a housekeeper for the old lady who owned the house."

"Santos is a common name," I respond.

"Christina had a daughter who would be around eighteen now," Ashe informs me, "and the house the crime took place in -- is the house you are living in now. I tell you, Carmen used to live in your house. Isn't that weird?"

I'm imagining a ten year old kid sneaking around an old Victorian mansion. It dawns on me that it's always been a place to crash or holds parties. I've never actually gone looking around the old house. Then again, I'm not a bored, lonely ten-year old likely had no friends.

"Rob, you lived at Steve's grandmother's place when you first met Carmen. She may have known you lived their already. Dude, none of this is chance. You lived in her house, you were in her Orientation class, and she goes to meet you at your twenty-first birthday party. Please tell me you are officially weirded out," Ashe pleads.

"Ashe ... she thinks you are in love with me," I tell her. I look at Ashe expecting her to laugh. She doesn't. She looks shocked instead. Oh crap; what do I do now? "Ashe, if she thinks you love me, you might be in danger. I've told her she's got nothing to worry about but you may want to tread lightly. Remember what she did to Lindsey at the party."

"How can I forget?" she chuckles weakly.

"Well, I've never seen her be violent since then," I smile.

"There is one thing I do want to know about that," Ashe muses.

"What?"

"Whatever happened to that guy that molested her at your party?" Ashe asks. I have no good answer to that.

"Mmmm," I moan as Carmen softly suckles at my nipple. I'm beginning to see why women love this stuff. Carmen is naked against me, her leg tossed across my body as I'm lying on my back.

"Carmen Honey can I ask you a few questions?" I whisper. She thinks it over for nearly a minute.

"Yes Robert," she sighs.

"Did you used to live in this house," I cringe as I ask. She waits a while.

"Yes. It is Ashe, isn't it?" she questions.

"She's worried about me -- us. I think she feels that if we have things out in the open, we'll be stronger for it," I explain. Carmen looks up at me, studying my expression. She wiggles up and kisses me.

"You are a good friend to her," she points out.

"I hope I'm a better friend to you," I answer.

"If I ... if I wasn't around, would you be ... sleep with her," she asks.

"I don't like thinking about you not being around," I respond. She rubs her hands over my chest.

"I love you so much," she moans.

"Carmen?"

"Mmmm?"

"What happened here when you were twelve?" I ask.

"Please don't ask this of me," she replies with such vulnerability.

"You know you can trust me," I try to reason with her.

"Do you trust me?" she throws it back in my face.

"Promise me one day you'll tell me," I request of her.

"If you tell me that you love me, maybe ..." she whispers.

"I ... Carmen, that is a big step for me; I've never told a girl that I've loved her before," I confess.

"Oh ..." she hugs me again, which is a sensation I'm really getting used to, "I'm so sorry I doubted you. I should never ever do that. Have I hurt you?"

"Yes," I tell her. She looks up confused and upset, "but if you give me a kiss I'll forget about it." Carmen crawls up like a graceful jungle cat and poises herself over me, a faint smile on her lips. She lowers her head and gives me a kiss that goes on and on and on.

"Rob, this is Lindsey," I hear over the phone.

"Hey Lindsey," I respond cautiously.

"I don't mean to be a pain, but I don't know very many people who have a car and I'm in somewhat of a bind," she tells me. "Rob, can you pick me up at the hospital?"

"Ah ... well, sure. What the hell happened?" I ask.

"I tripped in front of a car, silly me," she gushes.

"Really?"

"Yes, I was rushing across the crossing and I got tripped up and a car hit me. I probably look like a mess," she confesses.

"Oh, damn. I'll be there as soon as possible. So I need anything special?" I inquire.

"Just yourself," she hints. Oh hell. I tell Steve where I'm going and he laughs his ass off. I ask him to come along, but he makes some crack about three being a crowd. He does promise to tell psycho-Carmen where I'm going to. I strongly advise against it.

When I get to the Emergency Room it takes me about a minute to get Lindsey. They roll her out in a wheelchair, but I'm able to hobble-carry her to the car. After so long without real sex, Lindsey is intoxicating. It doesn't help that she keeps looking over at me with doe-eyes, her clothes are torn up in all the wrong places.

Back at her apartment it dawns on me that she's on the second floor. I look at Lindsey and she does her best to look totally pathetic and in pain. I groan, go over and pick her up. At the midpoint landing she decides to kiss me on the neck.

"I'm seeing Carmen Lindsey," I inform her with as much will as I can.

"I know," she says in a way that tells me she doesn't really believe me. I put her down in front of her door. She fumbles with her keys.

"Please," she begs. I know I'm on the gateway to Hell, but I unlock her door for her and help her over to her sofa inside.

"Can you help me with a few things; my roommates gone all weekend ... all weekend," Lindsey hints.

"Like what?" I gulp.

"Can you help me change? My clothes are a mess. Also, could you come by and check on me tomorrow, I'll be all alone here," she smiles coyly.

"Seriously? You want me to take your clothes off? Carmen would kill me," I declare.

"You've seen me naked plenty of times," she grins lasciviously. "I promise not to bite."

"How about I get you some clothes from your room and you dress yourself because I have to get gone. Carmen is waiting," which wasn't a total lie.

"Robert what can she give you that I can't?" she asks.

"She's devoted to me and she'd never cheat on me," I explain.

"Rob, how many times do I have to tell you I'm sorry? I'm sorry I did as stupid thing but you are the best man I've ever met. You were always good to me ... and the sex was great," she smiles. "The sex was great, wasn't it?" What can I say; it was fantastic.

"It was great Lindsey, but ... how about I come by tomorrow?" I evade. I want to fuck Lindsey so badly my whole body aches. I have to find a way to find sneak past Carmen and spend the whole day here. I have a plan. Carmen doesn't need to know.

"Tomorrow would be great," is Lindsey's sensual reply, so full of promise. I get up, bring her a fresh set of clothes, give her a light kiss good-bye and head out the door.

"Steve has Carmen shown up yet," I call out as I get home. Ashe responds instead.

"She's called, but I haven't seen her," she says. I bound up the stairs. I'm going to pull this off and I'm telling myself how this will make my relationship with Carmen stronger because all that 'sex stuff' will be out of my mind. Carmen is waiting in my room, very unhappy.

"You were with Lindsey," she states evenly. I contemplate denying everything but she pierces me with those limpid pools of earthen fury.

"Yes ... she was in an accident and her roommate was gone so she needed a ride to her place," I blurt out.

"You were in her place alone," she tells me softly. I nod. "Did you ..."

"Oh no," I partially lie. "I kissed her goodbye. That was it. Don't be angry." Carmen walks up and cups the side of my jaw and smiles.

"I'm not angry with you, Robert, but Lindsey should know better by now," she says in an eerily loving voice.

"Tell you what," I blather, "I'm going back there tomorrow and ..."

"You are going back tomorrow?" she stammers with uncertainty.

"Yes, but you can come with me," I try to comfort her.

"I'd like that very much. Lindsey and I should talk," she grins in a serious flip-flop of emotions.

"I'll pick up around eleven thirty," I offer. Carmen seems hesitant.

"Can I spend the night ... I mean ..." she asks softly.

"Hey, why don't we have you move some clothes over so you don't have to run home every morning?" I suggest. Carmen nods happily.

Carmen and I go downstairs together. We catch Steve in front of the TV previewing Pay-per-View sites. Ashe is on the phone.

"I've ordered three pizzas," she informs us, "Meat-Lovers, Cheese, and Pepperoni. Anyone want to tag along?"

"Sure," I respond. "Carmen?"

"No," she smiles, "I'll stay here." I give her a kiss on the cheek and head out the door. I'm barely out the door before Ashe lays into me.

"Lindsey tripped into the path of a car? Isn't that a bit suspicious?"

"Give it a rest," I laugh. "Carmen's cool. She wouldn't really hurt anyone."

"I hope so," Ashe worries. The rest of the drive is filled with discussions of school stuff. We are both doing well, which is no surprise concerning Ashe but a pleasant turn of events for me. I have to do really well to get where I'm going.

We are nearly home when we realize something is wrong. Maybe it is the flashing lights, or the police car, or the paramedics, but I'm thinking that something strange has happened at my home.

"Steve," Ashe calls out as she stops the car and piles out. I'm right behind her. If something has happened to Carmen I'll feel like a total shit for even thinking about cheating on her.

"We live here," I tell the policeman at the door. I show him my ID as proof which is good enough to get me and Ashe inside. A paramedic is in the living room with Steve who looks like someone tossed him in a sack with a wolverine. Ashe runs to him.

"Carmen!" I shout.

"Robert!" I hear from the kitchen. I head there at a run. A policeman is there along with a paramedic. Carmen has blood all over her and looks banged up. She bolts into my arms and I hold her tight. I look to the two civil servants.

"What happened?"

"We are still trying to figure that out," the cop tells me. "When we got here the guy was cut up on the sofa and the girl was cowering here in the kitchen with a steak knife. She gave up the knife without a problem, but we haven't been able to get much out of her.

"Carmen, what happened?" I ask authoritatively. She looks up with that fear I thought I'd vanquished.

"Steve touched me," she whispers. Oh fuck.

"Where did you touch you Carmen?" I persist. Instead of saying, she reaches up and cups each breast. Oh damn.

"So this boy molested you?" the cop asks. I have to do something.

"Not on purpose," I explain to the cop. "Steve is a bit of a dick. He was screwing around and didn't mean anything. Carmen doesn't like to be touched and he knows that."

"Listen, your girlfriend took a steak knife to someone," the cop growls.

"Let me talk to my buddy. He won't press charges," I beg. The cop gives me the nod and I head back to see Steve and Ashe. I kneel by Steve who has multiple wounds on his forearms and hands.

"Bro, tell me what happened with Carmen," I start.

"The bitch is crazy," he hisses through the pain. "She went nutso on me."

"Steve, did you grab her?" I ask. Ashe looks at Steve hard.

"Steve, tell me you didn't sneak up on Carmen and touch her," Ashe growls.

"Guys, I asked her to go get us some beers and she was taking forever so I went in to see what the problem was. She couldn't get the tops off, the dumb bitch, so I reached around and helped her. Then she went berserk," Steve explains.

"Carmen says you grabbed her breasts," I state evenly. Ashe looks furious.

"Fine," Steve admits, "when I reached around I ... may have touched her breasts. What's the big deal?"

"Idiot!" shouts Ashe as she leaps up. She storms off to the kitchen.

"Bro, I don't get to touch her breasts and I've been with her for months. She's not like any girl you've ever known. You can't treat her like that," I snap.

"No kidding; the bitch damn near killed me. I'm luck she was so short. I was able to pop her and get to the phone," Steven informs me. I slowly stand up.

"Steve, you hit Carmen?" I say with barely controlled rage. "You are lucky I don't bust you through the floor. You will not press charges and if you talk to me before Monday I'll kick your teeth in. Do we understand each other?" Steve looks stunned.

I cradle Carmen until the cops and paramedics leave. Ashe takes Steve to the hospital for some shots. She has me wait outside the door while she showers off the blood and I give her some of my old gym clothes when she gets out. She looks like some skeletal orphan girl; my stuff is so big on her.

When Ashe gets back she tucks Steve in the knocks on our door. I answer it. Ashe volunteers to go to Carmen's place and pack her clothes for the weekend. She leaves the bag at the door while Carmen and I snuggle on the bed.

"I ... screwed up really bad Robert. I'm so sorry," she suddenly blurts out right as I'm nodding off. We are both clothed right now. I dare not stress her.

"Why are you so nice to me?" she whispers. I can't answer until, "Please talk with me."

"I'm selfish," I reply.

"Huh?" she questions.

"I wouldn't know what to do without you -- I'm selfish," I respond.

"Oh ... please keep being selfish," she sighs.

Carmen, can I ask something really special of you?" I ask. She waits a while before replying.

"Yes."

"Can I touch your breasts?" I say softly.

"Why?" she responds barely above a whisper.

"I don't want to lose ground with you. I don't want you drifting away," I confess.

"What if I say no?" she replies.

"Then I wait. I think you know by now I'm a pretty patient guy," I grin over to her.

"Then you can touch me," she whispers. She trembles as she says it.

"Are you sure?" I ask. She makes a tiny nod of the head. I push myself down her body until my eyes are even with her chest.

I make short measured moves as I pull up my baggy sweatshirt that buries her shape. As her flat stomach becomes visible I start planting kisses on her. She shivers so I wait between tugs and kisses. When I get to the bottom of her breasts, I hesitate.

"Are you sure?" Again she gives me that tiny nod.