You Can't be Serious

"Is it hard?" She finally asked.

"It's no picnic. You're gonna lose some of your high-brow, jet setting friends. If it gets out, your business may suffer too. Do you just think or do you know? I mean have you..." Del asked, coloring furiously.

"Yes, I've had sex with other women. In fact, since I broke it off with Giuseppe, I have been pretty girl crazy and none to discreet I'm afraid," Carmen explained with a self-mocking smile.

"You never have been discreet, Ma," Del said, a ghost of a smile playing at her thin lips.

"No, I suppose I haven't, however I'm going to have to learn. On the continent such things hardly matter, but here in the states..."

"Yeah, it can still be pretty harsh," Del finished for her.

"That's why I came to you, Audra," she said, using Del's given name. "I don't know where to go, how to meet other women, and above all how to be discreet. I was hoping you could teach me,"

"Oh Shit," Del laughed. "You came here so I could teach you how to pick up chicks?"

"I haven't gotten any in over two months and I'm going insane. Even your unfeminine ass is starting to look good," her mother said with a laugh.

"Thanks a lot," the tall girl said, still laughing.

"Seriously sweetheart, I am nearly at the end of my rope."

Del smiled, shook her head and rose to start a fresh pot of coffee. "You've got it bad. I can tell," she called over her shoulder.

"Is this normal?" Her mother called back.

"What, being cunt crazy? I guess so," Del replied.

"Were you like this?" Carmen asked hesitantly when her daughter returned to the table.

Del could tell her mom was serious, but also embarrassed. She decided that she would just be bluntly honest, this was the first time in her life she had ever sat down with her mom and been treated like an equal and she found it made her feel closer to her mother than she had in many years.

"Do you remember Suzy Halverton?"

"That cute little redhead who lived next door when we lived in the Bronx?"

"Yeah, that's the one. I was hitting that pussy every day after school for two months or more,"

"My god, Del, you were still in high school!"

"And I was failing eleventh grade for the third time and it was her fourth. The bitch had bigger tits than you did, Ma. Surely you don't think we were really over there studying, considering our grades," Del said with an ironic smirk.

"She did have a nice rack, come to think of it," her mother said with a speculative grin.

"They were pretty awesome. We were both nineteen by then. She dropped out after she failed again and got a job as a stripper over at Piscante's. That was the year I went to work for Bell Atlantic. She made more in her first three months than I did my first two years. Still makes killer money, as a matter of fact."

"Maybe you can take me to a club where she's performing one evening," Carmen said.

"I thought you wanted to be discreet," Del chided.

"I do, but at the same time I don't give a fuck, I just gotta get laid," her mother said earnestly.

"Well, forget about Suze then. She would do ya in a heartbeat, the little nympho, but she can't keep her mouth shut. There are some upscale places we can go where you might meet a discreet girl, but it's gonna take some time. The discreet ones aren't going to jump in the sack with you at first meeting. I might even know of a couple of girls I could introduce you to. I'm guessing you're a top?"

"Yes. I need a girl like Fran. A hot little bitch who is ready to go right now," Her mother said. Del forced a laugh and fixed them both more coffee.

"She's usually ready to go," Del admitted.

"And hot too, god I'd love to have that hot little body wiggling underneath me," her mother said wistfully.

"I'm sure she would love it too."

"I wish, but I am far too old for a girl like her," Carmen said dismissively.

"Not in her mind," Del said hesitantly. Her mother looked at her and arched an eyebrow. Del looked down into her coffee cup and wished the conversation wouldn't have gone this direction so soon.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Fran has a thing for you, Ma."

"You're joking?"

"No, I'm serious. The night she told me you were coming we had sex and when she came she called out your name," Del said hesitantly.

"Oh my god, baby. I am so sorry," her mother said, taking her hand. Del looked up, but saw no mocking in her mother's eyes. The vein in Carmen's forehead that stood out when she was really upset was also pulsing and Del was reassured. Her mother had no idea, and it really helped with what was coming, because if she had been playing up to Fran intentionally this last week Del would have been very hurt.

"Don't be, you're an attractive woman and she is a major bottom. Your 'take charge' attitude just really gets her purring."

"You're not upset?" Her mother asked, now sounding genuinely puzzled.

"Yeah, I'm a little upset. I mean, no one wants their girl dreaming about making it with someone else, ya know? But I love her and I have been trying so hard these last couple of years to get her self-confidence up. She really wants to fuck you, and I am pretty sure she is going to make a play for you, which is why I was in such a bitchy mood last night."

"I don't blame you, I'd be pissed if my lover was planning on betraying me too," her mother said. The tone was flat and Del could hear the anger in it.

"It's not like that ma. Frannie and I have an open relationship of sorts. I can't keep up with her. She's a sexual freak! I mean, she sometime wants it five, six, seven times a day. I love sex as much as the next girl, but there are a lot of times I just don't have it in me. She's so sweet and she takes it well when I can't or just don't want too, but sometimes I don't feel like it for days at a time and she suffers," Del said, sipping at her coffee and looking down. Carmen said nothing and when the silence became awkward she plowed on.

"Last year, when the migraines started, I got to the point where I didn't want sex at all. Until the docs got me on this new drug I was just in pain too often to want it. The drug I was on had a side effect that killed my sex drive. It nearly tore our relationship apart. So much of Frannie's self esteem was tied up in her desirability as a sex partner, and I was destroying it more and more every time I begged off her sexual advances," Del continued.

Her mother rose this time and refilled their coffee mugs, allowing Del time to gather her thoughts. They really didn't need refilling, but her mom always seemed to know when she needed time to think things out before she spoke. She was like most moms that way. When Carmen sat back down she smiled encouragingly and Del continued.

"So anyway, I have a lot of single friends. A couple of them are real close to me and when I told them about it one night when we were out getting roaring drunk, they both volunteered to come over and take up my slack. It was a joke at first, but the more I thought about it the more I came to realize it might be the only chance I had to keep Fran. So I brought Megan over one night, made myself scarce, and let her seduce my girl," Del said, her voice breaking.

"That must have been difficult, Audra," Carmen said in a soothing voice.

"Difficult? It was the hardest fucking thing I ever did in my life," Del said miserably. She took a swallow of coffee and shook her head slightly, as if reliving a bad dream and then went on.

"But it worked. I started staying at work late on Fridays and Meg or Johanna would come over and fuck Frannie's brains out. When the docs finally got me off of that shit and on this new drug my sex drive came back and everything was great. Meg or Jo still come over occasionally to keep her company when I'm away on a job. They're good friends and never mention it or razz me. Frannie never says a word about it, except to occasionally tell me I'm so much better in bed than either of them. It wasn't the best solution, but it kept our relationship strong, so I could live with it," Del finished.

"You must love her a great deal," Carmen said.

"I do, and that's the real problem. She has finally gotten the nerve up to go after something she wants and has the confidence that she is attractive enough to get it. And I want her to get it. I want her to feel good about herself for a change. Hell, if it was any of my other friends I'd be fucking ecstatic. Why am I so fucking cursed? The one person on the face of the earth she gets a case of wet panties for and decides to do something about it, and it has to be my fucking mom," Del cried.

"Well, I need to get laid, but I'm not going to do that to you," Carmen said. Del recognized the tone of voice, there was a finality in it that was absolute. Nothing the little blonde said or did would get her anywhere with Carmen now.

"Ya can't do that, Ma."

'The hell I can't!" Carmen exploded. She opened her mouth to launch into a tirade against Fran, but the terrified look on her daughter's face stopped her cold.

"You've been flirting with her for a week. I know you didn't know any of this was going on, but you've been leading her on. I know to you it was just harmless flirting, but to her it was serious. I told her she was nuts, that you were straight, but she said I was wrong. She said she just knew you were gay and damned if she wasn't right. Normally I'm the one who can tell, but I guess with you I just didn't want to see it. If she makes a play for you now and you turn her down she'll be devastated. I'll have to start all over again building her back up and frankly, I just don't have it in me."

"But what can I do?" Carmen asked, holding her hands out.

"Fuck her good," Del said resignedly. "If you love me, that's what you're going to have to do."

"Bullshit, I can just go. I'll say I got called away suddenly on business," Carmen said. She was looking around wildly, like a trapped animal. Or like she expected Fran to come in wearing come-fuck-me-pumps and nothing else, Del thought wryly.

"You don't understand her. You just up and disappear, no matter the reason, she'll think it was her. Don't ask me to explain it. I can't. I just know how she is."

"I can't do this Del," her mother said gently.

"Sure you can, Ma. You know you want to. You as much as said it."

"That was hypothetical," Carmen snapped.

"Don't start with the big words please. I know you didn't ask for this, but if you had talked to me rather than ambushing Fran I would have said you couldn't stay. You knew that. So you're partially to blame for it all," Del said and Carmen sighed deeply.

"You've already made up your mind that this is how it has to be, haven't you?"

"It isn't my mind I'm worried about. It's hers. I don't want to spend my entire life propping up an emotional cripple," Del said tiredly.

"And this is going to change that, how?" Carmen asked defiantly. Del sighed and bit her lip while she tried to think of a way to explain. For the millionth time she cursed her limited vocabulary.

"It's like raising a kid, Ma. You want to protect 'em and nurture 'em and see 'em grow, but eventually you have to let 'em spread their wings and really grow. Grow past your control. When I met Fran she was a baby, totally dependant on whoever she was with. Now she has grown to the point where she wants to leave the nest. I have to let her go. We aren't talking about raising a kid, we're talking about raising the woman I want to be my life mate and I want a woman, not a child. I knew it would come to this, I just expected it to be someone else."

"And if I refuse?" Carmen asked sternly.

"Then you condemn me to starting over again," Del sadly replied.

"Audra, can't you see I can't do this? I would feel like I was betraying you, my own daughter. I can't do that," Carmen said. Her face was drawn and she was obviously distraught.

Del was on the verge of breaking down when an idea occurred to her. It was crazy and beyond kinky, but looking at her mother she thought it just might work.

Del climbed out of the manhole and gave the three guys standing there staring at her blandly a withering look. It was Friday and she didn't need this shit. Her mind should be on home and here she was climbing out of a manhole, in her good jeans yet.

"Something wrong boss?" One of them asked innocently.

"No, I love seeing a rat's nest of pairs, scotch locked together where there is supposed to be a new 3m splice," Del said caustically. She pulled off her gloves and hard hat, put the safety goggles in her breast pocket and picked her clip board up off the pavement.

"It's all I & R, not our fault boss," the fat one said.

"The hell it isn't, Joe. You know god damned well, you were supposed to have cleaned that shit up. And you signed off on the fucking work order as completed."

"It was completed," the young guy said. Del bit back an angry retort as the two older guys looked up, like tourists inspecting the building tops.

"Kid, keep your fucking yap shut, before you get into more trouble than you're already in. Just because I have tits doesn't mean I'm fucking stupid. You guys can lie to those fucking affirmative action bitches, who got hired just cause they got cooches, but I was a splicer for three years and a damned good one. I know a shit job when I see it."

"I'm sorry Del, but there's a work slow down going. You were union, you know the way it works," Joe said apologetically.

"Yeah, I know, but I covered both your asses a lot of times and I've gone to bat for you both at grievances since I made foreman. I'm not demanding you do it fast, fer Christ's sake, Joe, just that you do it right," she said. Joe laughed and punched Frankie in the shoulder.

"Go grab a 3m from the cart," he said to the kid, who seemed happy to be away from the tall, acerbic foreman.

"How much OT is approved for today?" Joe asked as he pulled on his gloves and hard hat.

"Two hours," Del replied.

"Mark it complete. I'll do it right and have it done before seven. I haven't forgotten what you and your girl did for us when Mary Jean had to have the surgery. It's just that we all get riled at contract time and sometimes I guess I kinda forget that not everyone in management is a prick, ya know?" He said with an embarrassed shrug of his massive shoulders.

"I know, I was one of the most militant. You know my sympathies will always be with you guys, but I gotta cover my ass too."

"Yeah, you got a family to worry about too. Frankie and I will remind the guys what you've done for us. I'll make sure they are doing the jobs right, just don't expect fast," he said seriously.

"I know the drill Joe, take all the time you can milk it for. But the tier two managers are coming down hard on us. They want us to get out there and speed you up and you know to them that means, riding your asses. The company is playing hardball this time; if I find shitty work I'm going to have to gig the man who did it. I love you guys, but I love my girl more and I need this job, so I can't put my neck out this time. This new ownership is planning on trying to clean house," Del said as she checked off some things on her clip-board.

Joe grunted his assent as he eased himself into the manhole. What had been spacious for Del's lanky frame was a tight squeeze for the thick Italian.

"Don't worry Del. Just don't check nobody else today. We'll get the word out. You're the only foreman in the whole garage who was one of us. The boys won't let you down," Frankie said sincerely.

"Okay Frankie. I'm going home. I'll burn a few of my sick hours today. I'm not in tomorrow, so you guys have the weekend, but make double damn sure everyone knows to get his ass back out to any job he fucked up in the last, say... week and a half and clean it up A-sap. You know that shit bird Perkins will be duty foreman and he isn't moving his fat ass out of the office, so you guys should be able to clean up your messes and still get your job done. Come Monday I'm going to be toeing the line and checking up behind each of you. Since I'm burning my sick time to give you the chance, I won't show any mercy,"

"That's more than fair Del, thanks," Frankie said.

"Watch your asses," she said, her tone softening, "they're serious this time Frank, and you old bastards who make more money than God are prime targets."

"Go home and relax, Del. Give Frannie a good long all night fuck. Come Monday every job you check on will be tighter than the prom queen's twat, guaranteed," Frankie said smiling. Del nodded and climbed back into her company car.

The kid returned and handed Frankie the 3m case.

"What a cunt," he said. To his surprise the shop steward whirled on him and caught a handful of the front of his shirt.

"Shut your mouth boy. Del's good people. There ain't a man on this crew she and her girl haven't helped out at one point or another. We forget it sometimes, but you say something like that in font of Crawford or Ricks and they'll tear your fucking head off."

"And so will I," Joe's voice drifted up from beneath the street.

"I don't understand, she's management!" The kid said vehemently. Frankie sighed and released his shirt front.

"She is now, but she used to be one of us," he said, lowering his voice. "When Mary Jean had to have pussy surgery, Joe was in a bind. Del's girl watched his kids everyday for two months while Mary was in the hospital. Neither one of them would take anything for it, not a red fucking cent. Anytime anyone has problems with day care, they know Del's girl will watch the kids. You got any idea how much it means to most of the guys to know if an emergency comes up there's a safe place they can leave the kids and not have someone trying to rip them off?" Frankie asked quietly.

"You know Johnny's little girl, Jeannie, don't you?" Frankie asked.

"Yeah, the one who won the company scholarship to go to Columbia at Christmas, right?"

"Yeah, sharp as a tack. She's a lezzy too. Two years ago she dropped out of school, took up with the wrong crowd and was a junkie to boot. Ole Johnny was about to lose his job he was so depressed. She wouldn't listen to him or Regina and was hanging out with some gang or other. It was only a matter of time before she ended up dead. Del went and got her. She won't say to this day how she found her, or convinced her to leave, but Jeannie stayed with Del and her girl for about six months, got dried out and saw the same therapist Del's girl sees. Del even hooked Jeannie up with her girl, a Doctor over at Columbia Pres that takes real good care of her. The only reason that girl is alive and on her way to studying medicine is because Del stuck her neck out when she had no call to. You say anything bad about her in front of Johnny Ricks and you'll be fucking lucky if he just kills you."

"She's still management," the kid said doggedly.

"Management and craft don't get along son. That's just the way it is. Hell, most of us hate gays too, but we put all that shit aside when it comes to Del. Ever notice she's the only foreman in the whole garage who never gets grieved? You got a problem with Del you just go talk to her and she'll work it out with you. We forget sometimes, cause she's management and we're craft, but Joe and I are both ashamed of what we did down in that hole and that's why he's down there now, working fast and doing it right even though there's a work slow down on."

"But..."

"No buts kid," Frankie interrupted, "You think about this. For what we did down there we could have had our asses in a sling. Come Monday all the tier ones will be out and a lot of times a tier two will be with them. They're gonna inspect everyone's work and they're gonna be really picky. You think any of the other assholes warned their guys? You think any of those pricks would burn their own sick time so they had an excuse to let us go back and fix the shit we fucked up? Your name's on that work order too kid, and you're still a conditional perm. That girl you called a cunt, just kept you from being unemployed. Joe and I, well we might get stepped for that shit, but they would fire you with no regrets. Now shut up and think about it, I gotta get a hold of the guys before they go home," he said as he walked over to the cart and grabbed a handset.