You Can't Do That

"Hello," greeted Sue into the telephone.

"Hey, Sue! Is the cuck there?" I asked.

"Who do you want, Bill? You know there's no one in this family by that name," she responded. "Did you call to speak with Jerry?"

"Well, yeah! Jerry, the cuck, is he there?" I asked. "I wanted to tell him something."

"You call Jerry, "the cuck" now? How did he get that nickname, Bill?" asked Sue. "Does it have something to do with his bowling?"

"No, his bowling sucks, but it always has. That's nothing new. He was telling us last night that he's becoming a cuckold pretty soon, so it seems appropriate that we call him the cuck, or cuck for short, don't you think?" I prodded.

"Tell me, Bill, exactly what does cuckold mean?" demanded Sue.

"Seriously, Sue? You don't know what it means? It's an expression that a wife, and only a wife, can bestow on a man. It's a man whose wife is fucking someone other than her husband, who by tradition, is the only man that should be fucking her," I explained.

"You asshole! That's a cruel thing to call a man, especially a man as proud as Jerry. He'll kick your ass if you call him that to his face, Bill!" Sue threatened.

"That would have concerned me a week ago, but not any more, Sue. He's a fucking wimp. His ass kicking days are over. He might scare a few girly-men, but no real men," I laughed.

"Do you think Jerry has suddenly lost a hundred pounds and most of his muscle? He's just as tough as he was a week or a year ago!" insisted Sue.

"I don't think so, and neither will anyone else, Sue. He hasn't lost any weight or muscle. It's a lot worse. He's lost respect and he's lost his balls," I responded evenly. "He's a fucking cuckold and a goddamn wimp now. That's why I called."

"You're supposed to be his friend, Bill! With friends like you, he sure doesn't need any enemies!" sneered Sue. "He's the same man he's always been. You'd be wise to remember that. Did you call just to torment Jerry over the phone?"

"You're in no position to lecture me on how to be a friend, Sue! I called to tell him to not bother coming to the bowling alley tonight, or any other night the team is bowling. He's been voted off the team!" I revealed.

"Off the team? He's the captain. He bowls anchor on the team. He started the team. He's the one that asked you to join! What kind of a miserable prick are you, Bill?" demanded Sue.

"Sue! That's no way to talk! You're the one that decided this, not me. You started things in motion and they have to go to their natural conclusion," I responded gently. "You're the one that told Jerry that you wanted to have a lover and he had to accept it, or get out. He's as big as a house, but he'd walk into hell for you. That's why he didn't toss your ass out immediately. That sealed his fate. You know how devoted he is to you, how much he worships you, and you've decided to take advantage of his big heart and take a lover."

"That really isn't any of your fucking business!" yelled Sue. "You can bet your ass that you won't be the man I choose, so just butt out!"

"Well, Sue, it is my business. It's like a cancer and it has to be removed quickly and surgically. That's the only way the rest of us can survive and our survival is foremost in our thoughts, believe me," I answered.

"That's bullshit, Bill!" snapped Sue. "How can our personal life affect you?"

"Are you kidding? If we treat Jerry like a regular man, he'll think he is one, and he isn't. No man would allow his wife to have a lover. Nor would a man allow another man to even touch his wife in a sexual way. Ergo, he's no man and we cannot treat him like one. It would be a disservice to him and to our selves if we don't ridicule and shun him for the pariah he is," I concluded.

"You think that will be a service to Jerry, you dumb bastard?" argued Sue. "You'll just be hurting his feelings. No friend would deliberately hurt a friend's feelings."

"I'm getting tired of your name calling, Sue. Jerry needs to see that he's a pathetic excuse for a man. He needs to know that he's a wimp. He has to hit bottom so he can rebuild his respect and his life. He needs to understand that a loveless marriage is not something he should cling to and live with," I reasoned. "Once he sees the light and gets a divorce, he'll be on the road to recovery and we'll be supporting him all the way. He'll be our captain again. We just can't be the only men's team in the league with a captain with no balls. We all feel strongly about that!"

"A loveless marriage? A divorce? Did Jerry use those words?" asked a stunned Sue.

"Not yet, Sue. That's where we're trying to help him. That's why we're tossing him off the team. That's why neither of you will be invited to any functions any of us have. That and the cancer aspect, of course," I added.

"His friends want Jerry to divorce me? You're all going to shun him? All over a personal decision of ours that doesn't involve you?" questioned Sue.

"Doesn't concern us? You're ripping the guy's balls right off and feeding them to him! What kind of friends would we be if we ignored that? The other problem that concerns us is our wives. If we show any weakness here, they might think they can pull the same shit that you're pulling. We guys are determined to draw a line in the sand. This shit will not be tolerated by any of the rest of us. We'll toss the bitch out immediately if any of them even thinks about making any of us a cuckold!" I declared heatedly.

"So, it's fear? That's what this is about, isn't it, Bill?" responded Sue with contempt. "You he-men are afraid to let your wives try some strange cock!"

"Bingo! That's part of it! I don't know any man that feels secure enough to want his wife to get fucked by another man. We're worried about the guy being a better lay, a better après-fuck talker... shit we're afraid of all kinds of things!" I admitted. "That's one reason we can't live with a cheating wife. We could find ourselves trying to outdo some bastard that sits around all day collecting welfare, just waiting to fuck a woman while we're trying to earn a living, take care of the house and cars, discipline the kids, mow the yard and take out the fucking garbage! That flat out scares most men, and makes us mad as hell!"

"You're such an insecure, pathetic little man, Bill," laughed Sue wickedly.

"No argument, Sue. You just described most men, at least when it comes to wife sharing," I confessed. "Suppose we aren't James Bond types. Suppose we just go to work every day and do our best to keep a roof over our family's head. Suppose the other guy fucking the wife takes her dancing and buys her flowers for no reason and fucks her to a dozen orgasms every time. Sure, the novelty will wear off and he'll move on. Still, it leaves us regular Joes looking and feeling like shit. That in itself is a good enough reason to get divorced."

"Wouldn't it be better if you did all those things for your wife, Bill. Why does it have to be a different man that knows how to treat your woman?" quizzed Sue.

"Because he's trying to get into her pants! He isn't worried about all the shit that a husband has to worry about. Why do men have to find a slut to suck their cocks as soon as they come through the door? Why don't wives offer their asses to their husbands every night? Why don't wives spread their legs and shut the fuck up whenever a man wants some tail?" I demanded.

"Maybe we're trying to raise the kids, make meals, clean the house and the fucking messes that men make! Maybe we're trying to work a career, raise a family, take care of our aging parents, and just keep from collapsing in exhaustion! That's why we aren't on our knees sucking our husband's cock anytime he gets the urge!" shouted Sue into the phone.

"Exactly, Sue," I replied calmly. "That's why we don't have an affair or get a divorce the first time the wife is too busy, or too tired for sex. We don't get a mistress so we can get an occasional blowjob. We accept that our wives are doing their best and want them to accept that in us. Maybe we're not good at ballroom dancing. Maybe we forget birthdays and anniversaries. It isn't because we don't care. It's just that we are more focused on building, fixing, repairing, maintaining, and providing. Maybe wives don't waltz around in lingerie or a leather bustier all the time. Maybe they wear sweats and old shirts because they're taking care of kids and making meals and want to be practical."

"So you think I'm being unreasonable by wanting Jerry to accept me finding a considerate lover that will romance me and treat me like a lady?" asked Sue.

"To be frank, it's the dumbest damn thing I ever heard, Sue," I answered honestly. "You'll cause Jerry to doubt his manhood. He'll doubt your love for him, and with damn good reason, I might add. You'll subject him to embarrassment and humiliation. You'll drive him from your marriage. He'll find a woman that accepts her role as a loving wife and appreciates that he's an honest, sober, kind, hard working, family-oriented man. You have no idea how many women want exactly that in a husband and would kill to get it. Jerry will be remarried within a year of the divorce."

"You keep saying divorce, but Jerry loves me, Bill," pointed out Sue. "He worships the ground I walk on. He won't want a divorce."

"That's naive at best, and more likely it's just plain stupid. Jerry won't be able to live with the doubts and the humiliation, Sue. He'll be in big demand when he's single again. I've seen it happen too many times. You, on the other hand, will be damaged goods. I don't know of a lot of men that want to marry a cheating slut. A lot of guys will be willing to screw you from time to time, but you won't be the kind of woman a guy takes home to mom. That's for sure. Shit! The dream lover you find won't treat you like a lady for long. He'll treat you like what you are; a married, desperate housewife. You'll be his slut and he'll have no respect for you. "

"Well thanks for that observation, Bill!" growled Sue. "You're assuming I'm going to be single again. That everyone will think I ruined a good marriage and that I'm a cheating bitch."

"Yes, Sue, I am," I responded simply. "I'd bet on it."

"Well, fuck you and the horse you rode in on!" screamed Sue as she slammed the receiver down.

I returned the phone to the cradle and decided to go get a beer. That's when I saw my wife, Mary standing in the doorway. I wondered how much of my phone conversation she heard. That question was soon answered.

"Has Sue really told Jerry she wants to take a lover, Bill?" asked Mary. "Can she be that stupid? He's a wonderful husband and father! He's as gentle as he is big and he treats her like a goddess."

"I was sworn to secrecy, Mary. Jerry is ashamed and frightened about his marriage. He's convinced he can't live without Sue and would try to accept her proposal if he has to do so," I revealed. "It's ripping him apart already."

"I'm supposed to go shopping with Sue and Karen tomorrow. I think I'll cancel those plans right now," stated Mary. "I won't be able to keep from giving her a piece of my mind."

"Then go, Mary! The dumb bitch needs an ass chewing, big time. Embarrass her, humiliate her, whatever it takes," I suggested. "Make her see what a huge mistake it would be."

"What would you say if I told you I wanted a boy toy, Bill? Would you get all huffy and threaten me?" wondered Mary.

"You know the answer to that question already," I chuckled. "Just like I know how you'd go for me having a mistress. I've grown attached to my balls and I'll do whatever it takes to keep them!"

Mary has big grin on her face when she came through the door the next afternoon. She could barely contain herself and was eager to tell me about her day.

"What a day, Bill!" laughed Mary. "As soon as Sue, Karen, and I were in the car, I started telling Karen about Sue taking a lover. I hadn't even considered that Karen has been a widow for over two years. She immediately became very interested and started asking Sue all kinds of questions. Long story short, by day's end, Karen told Sue she was going to fuck Jerry's brains out once Sue found a lover!"

"No shit? That's one hell of a consolation prize!" I admitted, as I thought of Karen at our last pool party in her orange swimsuit. "Maybe this will work out okay for Jerry, after all."

"Karen started asking how much money Jerry made and what kind of meals he liked. She asked Sue if Jerry hadn't built the deck in the back of their house and if he knew how to install a bathroom," chuckled Mary. "Karen made it pretty obvious that she considered Jerry a prime target for a woman looking for a good husband."

"How did Sue take her questions?" I asked.

"At first she was bragging up Jerry and telling how he had installed their master bath and remodeled their kitchen himself," replied Mary. "Then as Karen started asking about his sexual preferences and mentioned how every couple that tries strange outside the marriage gets divorced, Sue realized that Karen was pretty much declaring her intention to seduce Jerry and eventually make him her husband!"

"Wow! If Jerry knew that a fox like Karen was interested in him, he'd probably toss Sue's ass out the door, especially after her stated intentions," I surmised.

"I think Sue came to the same conclusion, Bill. She tried to talk Karen out of it and told her how Jerry was demanding and inconsiderate. She told Karen that he wanted Sue to give him a blowjob every few days and he had some sort of fetish about eating pussy all the time," revealed Mary.

"I didn't know that about Jerry. He likes dining at the Y?" I repeated. "There could be worse things, don't you think?"

"Karen almost orgasmed as Sue told us about it," answered Mary. "She told Sue that if a good looking, hard working man like Jerry would install a new kitchen and bathroom in her house, she's be delighted to blow him several times a day and she would certainly allow him free access to her pussy anytime he was hungry. She told Sue that her reasons for claiming Jerry wasn't a good a husband were the dumbest things she ever heard!"

"Karen said that?" I asked in amazement. "Did she say anything about me, Mary? I can do plumbing and repairs. I'm a pretty good mechanic, too. Did she ask you if you were thinking of stepping out?"

"Not even close, Buster!" laughed Mary again. "I swore that my fidelity and love for you were absolute, without end, and completely reciprocated. I told Karen and Sue that I'd claw out the eyes of any bitch that even looked at you cross-eyed and under no circumstances would I ever cheat on you. I know how attractive you think Karen is. The idea of eating her out and getting blowjobs from her is far too tempting for me to allow that idea to take root!"

"Haven't you even fantasized about other men, Mary?" I whined. "If you wanted to look for greener pastures, maybe Karen would console me."

"I have a few fantasies, Bill, but you're my real life man and it's going to stay that way. On the drive home, I was even thinking that maybe I should give you more blowjobs, just so you know how serious I am about that, and so you don't start dreaming about Karen," mused Mary.

"I see. You logic seems to be impeccable, Mary. I like the way you face any possible problems and head them off before they get out of hand," I agreed.

"I'll "head" those problems off all right, and take "it" out of your hand, Big-boy, as long as you repay Miss Kitty for all that attention," laughed Mary.

Just then the phone rang and I picked it up.

"Bill? This is Sue," spoke the voice on the other end.

"Sue? I guess I have to thank you for spicing up my love life!" I responded honestly. "Mary is determined to not give me the reason you're giving to Jerry to wind up in bed with, and enjoy immensely, the considerable oral skills of Karen Jenkins."

"That's why I called, Bill. I want you to make Jerry captain of the bowling team again. He isn't a cuckold, nor will he ever be. I had a slight brain fart, but I've cleared up my thinking now," confessed Sue. "I didn't give any thought to Jerry having a lover. I couldn't live with that! What if he found someone that loved him better, or had nicer tits, or gave him blowjobs three times a day? I can't compete with some dream woman trying to steal my husband away!"

"Sounds as insecure as you thought I seemed yesterday," I suggested. "It's scary, isn't it, Sue? When you've been married for 20 years, you get complacent and take the spouse for granted and start thinking that there are greener pastures. A new lover will be exciting and out to prove their skills. They may be thinner, funnier, richer, more attractive or just more appreciative."

"Yeah, I know that. Mary and that slut, Karen, helped drive that point home today. I apologized to Jerry when I got home and then I gave him the first of what I promised to be many blowjobs," Sue proudly stated. "He's sleeping now, but I think he's going to forgive me for being so selfish and stupid. Thank Mary, too, for helping open my eyes."

"Okay, Sue. Have a good night," I answered.

"You too, Bill. You've always been the one I leaned on, even when we were kids. Thanks for being such a good brother. Dad would have been proud."