You Can't Do That! Ch. 03

He did, but I cleaned up after him and got him to rinse his mouth out before he went back to sleep.

Knowing he was gonna hurl, I took my clothes off.

When he finally felt better I snuggled up to him. Sometime during the night he spooned against my back, wrapping his arms around me in his familiar way. I cried quietly for an hour.

When he finally returned to the land of the living I was sitting on the bed, naked. When he first opened his eyes he shook his head. That brought a wave of pain, and he lay still until it receded. When he opened them again I was still there.

"What are you doing here Sheila?"

"Being where I belong with you. Lie still for awhile, don't over think it."

I got him some more pills, put a cool towel on his head. After about an hour I stood up, feeling his eyes on my ass the whole way. I looked back over my shoulder.

"You need a shower pretty bad. You comin' or what?"

I held my breath, knowing this was an important decision. I was glad the water hid my tears of relief when he got into the shower with me.

It took months of begging and wheedling before He fully took me back. I remember the last conversation we had before he asked me to marry him again.

"I love you. Yes, you made a mistake sleeping with the asshole, but the biggest mistake you made was not being honest about what you were feeling. Did you really think it would break us up?"

It was a rhetorical question and he didn't expect an answer.

"But know this, the old saying 'fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me' applies here. It doesn't matter where we are in our lives, five years, ten, twenty, or past, betray me again and we are finished forever, understand?

I nodded yes, mentally adding hell would freeze over before that happened again.

We must have gotten me pregnant the month before we married, because Junior appeared eight months later. He was a difficult child, sick a lot in his early years. If Roy hadn't been there I would have went crazy.

He eloped with his girlfriend just before he was supposed to go to college. She was five months pregnant.

They were young and immature, but managed to last thirteen years before they fell apart. It wasn't amicable, accusations were flung, fights erupted over the most trivial items. We ended up with their dog, and Kelsie, our granddaughter, full time for a year.

I loved Kelsie, but was never sure how to relate to her. She was crazy smart, well above the genius level, She got skipped ahead twice, and graduated from high school at fifteen. Roy was the only one who came close to her level, and they bonded. They could hold whole conversations with their eyes and hand gestures.

Because the divorce left their finances in shambles, Roy stepped in and volunteered to pay for college. It caught me by surprise.

We had a rough patch when a recession hit and Roy lost his job. He really didn't like it much but it paid well. He took a job a a forklift operator at a local plant, just to have something to do. He was promoted pretty quickly. Soon he was back in an office, doing whatever he does so well.

That's when the deck episode happened.

My worst failing, to this day, is my supreme ability to underestimate my husband. Once, when Junior was small, we were living in a house out in the country. It came with a woodstove insert in the chimney, and we would enjoy a fire occasionally, especially if it was really cold. It helped with the heating bills.

It was Christmas, and I was going shopping. Roy was watching a show on woodcarvers, drawing it to my attention and saying he had always wanted to try it.

It was so far out of the norm for him I couldn't believe it. He was never a tool guy. He had the basics, bought as needed, but that was it.

I told him he couldn't do anything like that and left laughing.

Now, when Roy decides he's interested in something, he researches it obsessively. When he thinks he's learned all he can off research he tries it. Sometimes, but not often, he fails. Most times he succeeds.

I couldn't believe the carving he had made when I got home, even accused him of buying it. He sat down and carved another figure for me.

Then years later, he decided to build his mom a deck. True, he worked with builders, but the complicated thing he had ever constructed was a doghouse. I belittled him again, but when it was done it looked more like a work of art than a deck.

Three levels, custom everything. His Mom was so proud of him. I felt like an ass.

I even got angry when he wouldn't build one like that for us.

"Honey, my mom's house sits on a slope. Our lot is flat. I'd have to make the top section level with the roof to get the same flow."

I held a grudge for years over that, even though I could see he was right.

I was closing in on sixty, still menopausal as hell. I was getting little creaks and pains, and was just not enjoying life. It made me resentful to face my own mortality, and I took it out on the only one I could, Roy. I sometimes hated myself for the way I treated him, but couldn't stop. And deep down, I knew he loved me enough to put up with it. It was so bad Sabrina chewed me out about it.

"What are you doing. You know Billy can't stand to be around you because of the way you treat Roy. He doesn't like me being around you, afraid it'll rub off. I love you honey, but one day you're going to push him too far."

Of course I got angry, and she avoided me for a while.

And then I finally got stupid enough to push him too far.

We had all most gotten past the point of having a conversation. I knew he was miserable, I could see it on his face when he thought I wasn't looking. In a perverse way it made me feel good.

I was just sitting back to watch a movie, a romance, when Roy looked up at the screen.

"Hey, I just saw a news segment on that writer. He's worth over sixty million. All from writing romance novels."

It just rolled off my tongue.

"It's too bad you don't have the talent to do something like that."

I could tell I had offended him.

"How hard could it be? Boy meets girl. Love ensues. Something happens to keep boy and girl apart. True love wins out in the end. Money changes hands."

I don't remember after that exactly what was said, but I'm sure given my state it was insulting, and ended with the classic "you can't do that."

For the next few months I know he spent more time on the computer, but he was always looking something that interested him up, and it kept him form bothering me, so I left him alone.

He handed me five heavy binders one night.

"What's this?"

He grinned.

"It's the romance novel you said I couldn't write."

Damn, I had forgotten about that. I just couldn't give him the pleasure so I casually tossed it on the coffee table.

"I'll read it later. Right now there's a movie I'd like to watch."

It lay there for a few weeks until one day it was just gone.

Then Kelsie came over and found the binders. She actually read it and told me how good it was. She was looking at Roy with a whole new set of eyes. She was always closer to him than anyone, including her parents. Now there was full blown hero worship in her eyes. Like I said, she was scary smart, and if she though it was good there must be something to it. I decided to read it but didn't get a chance. By then she had taken it to school and copied it.

I was shocked when that man called Roy about his book. When he refused to do business with him I thought that would be the end of it.

That was just the time Roy finally hit his limit. He went off on me one night while I was ranting about something insignificant, shocking me.

One I got over the shock I was furious at him. When I came home the next day, it was the first time in years dinner wasn't on the table.

When I found out he had already eaten, something I didn't particularly like, it was like the last straw.

I had gone back into my old pattern of whining about my private life. It was deja vu all over again.

Dr. Feldman wasn't attractive as much as he had presence. Soon we were eating lunch together while I poured out my imaginary woes. He knew what to say, when to say it, and how to use it all for his advantage.

I was still in denial mode, fuming over Roy's apparent lack of reason. I had no one to vent at, and the pressure of holding it in was getting to me.

Finally I broke our marriage past fixing. I rented a condo, waiting for the security check and approval. It took six weeks, but I had a brand new address. I looked at the walls pleased.

I'd have him on his knees.

The fact that I cut off contact unless I wanted it and he didn't know where I was gave me a feeling of power.

This was the exact time it all fell apart. Roy didn't react any where near how I expected. I figured as long as we were separated nothing could violate the marriage. I held on to my hope that Roys' love for me would force him to accept anything I did as long as I came home.

I was on vacation, hiding. It took him just a week to find me. I was caught completely off guard.

I had shopped for younger, more stylish clothes, and lightened my hair two shades. I felt forty instead of near sixty.

The girl looked like she was in high school. When she said my full name in surprise, I thought she was one of Kelsies' friends. When I confirmed my identity, she handed me a manila envelope.

"You've been served. Sorry."

And just like that, she was gone.

When I read the papers I was furious. Legal separation? Just because I wanted to clear my head? That bastard!

I got even angrier when I pulled my phone out and it was dead. The sonofabitch had cancelled my service! What was he thinking? I'll tell him a thing or two, by God!

And I really tried to, about a hundred times, before I realized he wasn't going to answer the phone. I tried him at work, and when I got through and started ranting, He hung up.

I called back and got he receptionist. She knew me, and told me in no uncertain terms if I she put me through and I wasn't civil, she would refuse my calls.

"You can't call him on company time and harass him, Sheila. Just try talking, maybe he'll listen."

I tried it, and we actually talked. More like he ranted to me. When he said if he found out I was seeing someone we were completely through, no negotiations or explanations, I should have listened, but I was still feeling arrogant and powerful, so I didn't. We all know how that worked out, huh.

I told Randy, Dr. Feldman, what he said, and he came up with the plan of me leaving the condo, him riding three floors past before coming back down and letting himself in. If anyone was on the floor he walked on by and redid the elevator trip. We thought we were so smart. The thought that he would hire detectives never entered our minds.

The sex wasn't that good. He wasn't near in the same physical shape Roy was, and it never lasted long. Oh, I got off, but I think it had more to do with the fact I was getting one over on Roy than anything else.

When my world fell apart and Roy changed the filing to divorce I had no one to turn to. I had no idea what was in the envelope when I received it at the hospital, so I opened it at the nurses' station. When I saw me standing in the door with my robe open, flashing Dr. Feldman, with the words

"TIME EXPIRED" written across the photo, I knew my life was over.

I fainted, with the picture fluttering to the ground. Four nurses and a doctor saw them, and within the day it was all over the hospital.

Dr. Feldman, good ol' Randy, was furious. Tough shit at this stage, and I told him so. We avoided each other like the plague the rest of the time he worked there.

It still took several weeks before I finally got it through my head how badly I had messed up. I almost had a nervous breakdown. Sabrina and a few more of my friends watched over me.

Sabrina scheduled a full physical, and as one of their own they went into more detail than usual.

I found I had several hormonal problems, one that needed medication to balance, and that my blood pressure had become so bad I had to take pills to regulate that to. Further physcological work revealed I had a mild case of obsessive compulsive disorder. One of the many ways it could manifest itself was in the need to control others. That brought it's own set of pills.

All that and therapy helped me tremendously, but it was too little, too late.

Then Roy just disappeared, and even Kelsie didn't know where he was. The only address we had was a company known as YCDT, and his his lawyer.

I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt we were done, but I pinned my hopes on counseling, thinking if I could just get him talking to me he would see my view and take me back.

We even had a meeting before counseling, but all I could do was cry and apologize.

The whole series of sessions was a joke. I got the feeling our therapist didn't like Roy and was a little afraid of him.

He didn't ignore like I thought he would, but he destroyed every thing I tried. When the therapist found out I had pretty much done the same thing, and that I was a little revisionist on the rest of our history.

Sometimes I would be pouring my heart out to the therapist and would glance around, catching him with a little smile on his face. I realized then he was enjoying my pain, and it was probably why he agreed to the sessions.

Of course, when the contract for counseling was over, we went to arbitration. The poor man must have thought it was going to be a walk in the park, Roy was exceedingly generous. I fought tooth and nail over every little item.

When we got the financial disclosure I was shocked. Where did all the money come from? I knew Roy had quit his old job and had no idea what he did for a living.

The truth came out. My Roy, a successful writer. Best selling author, the "rising star of the romance genre"?

I had heard nurses talking about him. I had even seen his paperback lying around. It was him the whole time!

And he was willing to give me more than half. With the house, it was pretty close to a million dollars. My lawyer nearly had a heart attack when I rejected the offer, demanding a ridiculous amount of alimony as well. I was looking at Roy and saw something change in his eyes. He didn't look amused anymore.

He and his lawyer had a quick conference, and when they came back I saw her smiling for the first time.

"He'll throw in the revenue from the first two books for the next three years. Take it or leave it, it's his final offer. Refuse, and we'll let arbitration lapse and you can take us to court.

They'll never give you what you're getting now, and I'll fight you like a mad dog over every point. I'll keep you tied up for years. Please, refuse. My daughter starts college next year, my fees from this alone will finance it."

I knew then it was hopeless, and it occurred to me he might be enjoying watching me jump through hoops, knowing it was pointless. I agreed to the terms, went home, and cried my eyes out.

While I was crying it hit me. I kept forgetting how smart he was. Being raised by his mother without a lot of male influence made him more subtle. He thought like a woman at times.

I remember once, at his old company, when another manager was really giving him a hard time, stealing credit, trying to wreck his career. He was moody for awhile, then one day he was back to smiling. The manager left in disgrace.

Roy was celebrating, drinking much more than usual. I commented how fortunate it was for him.

He laughed and described to me in great detail how he had systematically destroyed the man, in oblique ways that were far removed from any connection to him. Then he told the man on the way out what he had done. I thought maybe he was just venting to impress me, but the hairs still stood up on the back of my neck.

Even the settlement was an act of dismissiveness. He never cared much for money, and it gave him a chance to rub in what he had accomplished through my derisive comments. I didn't know it, but at the time he already had another book about to be published, and was three quarters through with his fourth.

He even dedicated the third[and least successful]book to me, giving me credit for starting his new career. Only those close to us knew what he was saying.

I saw his house once. Kelsie took me up to see it while he was on a book tour. It was beautiful. I looked across the cove at the empty lot that was to later be my home, admiring the view.

I stayed at my job, despite the demotion. I actually enjoyed it more, I got to do more actual nursing and less administrating. The first year alone was awful. The second year wasn't as bad.

My therapy was going well. Despite what Roy thought, I never strayed while we were married until right there at the end, although I did go out to dinner twice with a doctor while Roy had to go out of town. I don't even know why I did it. My therapist thinks I needed reaffrimation I was still desirable.

Between therapy and exercise I was able to get off the blood pressure medication. I discovered yoga, watching a seventy year old go through the most advanced positions with ease. I looked at her toned body and guessed her age at late fifties.

She laughed and said it was a combination of exercises and discreet surgeries.

I enrolled in her class and was hooked. I went five time a week. I almost screamed in pain the first few weeks, but was soon pushing myself harder. I toned up, lost my belly roll, and became a lot more self confident. I took advantage of my position and got a boob tuck and some neck work done. I stopped dyeing my hair because I admired the way my instructor looked. It was more silver than gray, so I bought shampoos to bring the shine out.

All this didn't go unnoticed. I was getting date offers from men as young as late forties. Too bad I had pretty much lost interest.

My sixty second birthday came. I checked with my financial advisor, thanks to my retirement program, my 401, and the money Roy gave me, I was just north of a million dollars, not counting social security. I retired.

Kelsie came down to spend the weekend, praising my new look and new found freedom.

"What are you gonna do now, Grandma?"

I honestly didn't know.

"You should move up to the lake. I know you like the area, and you'll be close to me."

She was set to graduate at the end of the year. She wouldn't be eighteen until two months later.

I was positive she was going for a masters, maybe even a PhD. I knew Roy would pay, and I would help if she would let me.

She had a new boyfriend, one she was serious about. They were getting an apartment together as soon as she was of legal age.He was just as crazy smart as she was. Sometimes I felt like a bug under a microscope when they were around.

I thought it over. There was nothing holding me here but the house, and I could lease it until the market improved. And I did like the lake.

I really hadn't intended to live within sight of my ex. Really. I just got too good a deal to pass up. And I liked the idea of building exactly what I wanted and being the very first to live in it.

Kelsie was all for it, but gave me some words of caution.

"I don't know how Grandpa will react. He doesn't mention you, but keeps a picture of you on his night stand. I asked why once."

"I loved her for thirty six years all together. Almost all of them were good. I keep the picture to remind me of happy times."

"Then he grinned at me."

"And to remind myself never to get stupid enough to marry again."

Sometimes I think she likes to torture me when she talks about him. When he started dating, it was like he was making up for lost times. Kelsie didn't approve.

"Widows, divorced, most over fifty, although he has dated as young as thirty nine. He thinks I don't know, but he beds most of them. Hey, he's rich, good looking,and in great shape for his age.