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Click hereWhat if life is nothing but a continuum
circling back on itself
building in layers upon what went before
What if in that continuum good and evil in the world
builds upon itself layer by layer
the discrepancy between the 2 growing greater and greater
What if evil outweighed good and increased geometrically
the screams of pain and chaos
rising to unbearable levels drowning out all else
What if it was in your head roaring like a jet airliner
until you would give anything for peace and quiet
How would you turn it off?
....enjoyable reading. It is a bit prosey, as has been commented, and that rhythm doesnt fit all that well with the structure. It would not take much at all to change structure and trim, without loss of meaning. Very good thoughts here, and words as well.
Eve's right, it doesn't read like a poem, but yet it has structure, some internal rhyme and content. Everything is fluid but the last verse, leaving me feel somewhat incomplete and questioning "what if" this was a poem. *grin*
but it doesn't read like poetry. It reads like prose with line breaks to give it a poetic appearance. I have had poetry come out like that. I have to go back and tweak it until it's a poem. :)