- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Scrape
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Mom could fix it.
Wash the burning scour,
pink ovals of her nails,
hands pretty and so tender.
Then a Bandaid
softly and carefully laid.
Facecloth, warm and clean,
erasing the tearstains on my cheeks
followed by a kiss.
Smile refreshed
bounding out the door
to the walk where Daddy waits.
There's no sign of the scar
in the flower bed,
where the pedal gouged a canyon
and my elbow
deprived the grass
of some of its green.
- COMMENTS
WickedEvealmost 20 years agoin this poem that need a bandaid and kiss. :) But overall, really good work.
tarablackwood22almost 20 years ago....just like the one posted on 6/21. Very good language use and phrases... 'depriving the grass of some of its green' is magical.
Tathagataalmost 20 years agomemory and a look at when things like this were your biggest worry
thank you
perksalmost 20 years agoOverall, a pretty good poem. Solid voice, great imagery within the context. I have a little issue with your first line's verb tense. You say she "could" fix it, when in fact within the first verse, she "is" fixing it. I'm not sure why you made a line break after "scour" instead of before it, especially with that comma use. Because otherwise, the meaning is illogical grammatically. Scream poetic license all you want, but your second verse is stronger because of the clarity, not the lack of it. You know, if you reworked the first four lines of this poem, it would be magnificent, because the rest of the poem is great, in fact there is that one moment of almost hidden genius when you allude to the bike in the second verse when you say "pedal". I really loved the second verse. This poem, almost read like you were learning to ride, faltered at the beginning and then took off the training wheels at the end. I enjoyed it. Oh yeah, I'm not sure I like your frosting<title>. It's functional, but not too tasty.
Maria2394almost 20 years agoI have a special place in my heart for slice of life poems, this one probably everyone can relate to, but depriving the grass of some of its green, that is a genuis verse if I ever read one, good work :)
