- Erotic Poetry
- Formalities
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At a reception:
they pose, so uptight,
a portrait.
Black tie and top hat.
Cleavage and cocktail gown.
Dressed with impeccable taste.
Behaving with impeccable decorum.
Perhaps they should loosen up,
tug free the bows
and shake the impeccables loose.
In a new vision:
hair tumbled across nudity.
A covering of curls
draping a shadow of suggestion.
Is that a bruise
left lovingly on the surface
of white porcelain?
Did teeth close?
Lips seal upon the rose?
One can only suppose,
the impeccable pair
went.
- COMMENTS
Merrymakeralmost 20 years agocan be a discipline unto itself, but that is another topic entirely ; ) I like the new vision...nicely done.
~Merry
WickedEvealmost 20 years agoLast line in stanza 2 is a gem.
Should there have been a "where" here:
One can only suppose,
(where) the impeccable pair
went.
Suggestion:
Perhaps they should loosen up,
tug free the bows
and shake the impeccables loose.
-----
Perhaps they should tug free
the bows and shake
the impeccables loose.
I think it reads better if you have them only tug and shake loose rather than loosen up, tug, then shake loose. Too much on the loose in that stanza. Of course, those line breaks I did may not work, but you get my idea that's on the loose. :)
Syndra Lynnalmost 20 years agoVery good poem, though I think it would be better without the last 2 lines.
normal jeanalmost 20 years agoyou wove the pose and rose and bows very subtly, also a not so subtle statement about those perfect people..enjoyed this very much :)
tarablackwood22almost 20 years agochampagne. Sharp and concise writing, with great phrasing.
