The Literotica Olympics Day 14

EXHIBITION CONTEST: USA-STYLE FOOTBALL

note: Since the inception of the modern Olympics, a number of new sports have been added such as Judo, Baseball, and something called Rhythmic Dancing. However, many others, including American-style Football and the grand old Scottish sport of Caber Tossing are still excluded.

During the Olympics some of these sports are granted the right to participate on an exhibition bases prior to their possible inclusion in future games. Imagine the excitement in the broadcast booth prior to the first-ever Olympic exhibition game of American-style football. The mind boggles. RF

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"Hello to all you sports fans who've just finished enjoying Lucifer Carroll's unique perspective on the Literotica version of Olympic gymnastics. This is Ray Fee speaking to you from high atop famed Wombley Memorial Stadium located in the lower reaches of Upper Sandusky. This hallowed old structure is the setting for the first ever Olympic exhibition American-style football game.

"Today's historic contest features two very special teams. The always tough, always competitive, always all-female fighting Hedgehogs from the South Hampshire Institute of Technology, lead by head coach, Lucky E. Leven, are a fan favorite in England.

"Today they'll be pitted against some tough competition from the USA in the form of coach Remec "Gimme" Moore and his more-or-less all-male Jackalopes from that fabled dust bowl powerhouse, Southern Oklahoma Baptist.

"Both teams come into the game with impressive pre-Olympic records. South Hampshire was 3-2-1 against a tough schedule of senior citizen centers and rehabilitation facilities while Southern Oklahoma went 4-2 against the point spread.

"To provide you with insightful analysis of this eagerly anticipated game, let me bring in our color commentator, the first female athlete to be named all-team wide receiver at Lottasex High School, Colly Thomas."

"Thank you Ray Fee, and hello sports fans. This should be a real battle between teams with contrasting styles. The Jackalopes of Southern Oklahoma Baptist feature a ball control offense built around the talents of 5' 7" 145 pound

Cedrick 'Say What?' Belegon.

"Operating out of offensive coordinator Dirty Lover's famed Broken-Bone formation, Belegon has racked up over 567 yards in four seasons with the Jackalopes. 'Say What?' might have racked up even higher stats if he hadn't been wracked up by a series of crippling injuries while running up the middle in his first three seasons.

"This year he started improvising and running a lot more end sweeps. Unfortunately, he's had a tendency to sweep so far wide he goes out of bounds on about every carry.

"While the Jackalopes run, the Hedgehog's fly. When it comes to making passes, their quarterback, Crimson Maiden, is one of the best. This season she passed for over 1200 yards. Unfortunately, about half of them came on interception returns. But when Crim's hot, she's hot.

"Everybody's talking about her favorite target, split end Lauren, "Stone Hands" Hynde. Although Hynde's not blessed with blazing speed, she makes up for it by keeping her backfield in motion and running erratic, broken pass routes which leave defenders bewildered and out of position."

"That's great, Colly Thomas. It sounds like this game's got all the makings for a great offensive shoot-out."

"You could be right, Ray Fee. But both teams have defensive units which could play significant roles in the game's outcome. The S.O.B. Jackalopes have one of the biggest defensive lines I've ever seen. Anchored by 5'10" 353 pound nose tackle Edward, "The Blob" Teach, and with wily veterans like Pop, he's number 54, the great Ogg Bashan plus the famous brother tandem of Lewd and Licentious, the Jackalopes' defensive linemen are simply awesome. But despite that incredible size, they're unusually slow.

"That combination should make it hard for the feisty but undersized S.H.I.T. offensive linewomen like Cloudy, Angela, and Jeanne d'Artois to execute any of their favorite entrapments and influence blocks.

"The Hedgehog defensive unit features some of the wildest linebackers in the business. Svenskaflicka and Tate Lou will lay in wait on the outside and then lay a serious hurt on you. But the leader of the group is 5'2" 127 pound senior middle linebacker Minsue "Nasty" Nasturtium.

"I tell you Ray Fee, those gals are just plain mean. According to defensive coordinator Honey "The Heart" Breaker, they don't rely on any traditional defensive schemes. Instead, they just hang around and clobber anyone who happens to come nearby. And I mean anyone. In their most recent game, they crippled three members of the team's marching band who hung around too long after half-time, plus two game officials and an old lady who'd made a wrong turn while looking for the restroom. If they get their Mo-Jo working today, the Jackalope's elusive running back Cedrick "Say What" Belegon may spend a lot of time heading for the sidelines."

"Sounds to me, Colly Thomas, like that could also spell trouble for the Jackaolpes' one real aerial threat, pass receiver, Carl "Spear Catcher" East."

"You're right, Ray Fee. Despite rumors floating around the Olympic village, Hedgehog defenders aren't a bunch of dumb blondes. In fact, some are brunettes. At a press conference yesterday defensive co-captains, Wishful Thinking and ABS TRUSE insisted every Hedgehog defender knew the differences between playing tough defense, pass interference, and aggravated manslaughter. However, neither would answer when asked if they cared about any of those differences."

"Speaking of rumors, Colly Thomas, there's one going around that the two teams have a friendly wager going on this game. What can you tell us about it?"

"You heard right, Ray Fee. Black Tulip, the Hedgehog's fine tight end and offensive co-captain, had an extended one-on-one meeting with fullback, Box Licker, her counterpart on the Jackalopes. After several hours of intense, well, let's just call it, negotiations, they worked out a deal after Box Licker reportedly demonstrated his patented dive play. If the Jackalopes win, they'll get the Hedgehogs as their special attendants the following weekend."

"What will the Hedgehogs get if they win, Colly Thomas?"

"Well, Ray Fee, the word is the Hedghogs will get the Jackalopes asses."

"Sounds like a nice friendly wager, Colly Thomas."

"Maybe so, Ray Fee. But the Hedgehogs are hinting they may unveil their ultimate weapon in this game by unveiling their boobs. Of course, playing topless will make it a challenge to spot the player's numbers. But so far this year, they're undefeated against all-male teams like the Jackalopes while semi-dressed in that uniform."

"That's fascinating, Colly Thomas. You heard it here first, sports fans. But back to today's contest, what's the story with the kicking game?"

"You know how it is Ray Fee, all kickers are a little strange. Well, with the erratic Mcf Bridge handling the chores for the Jackalopes and wild Damp Panties doing the same for the Hedgehogs, today's kicking game could be really strange."

"That's great, Colly Thomas. We'll be right back for the kickoff after this pause for commercials, public service announcements, station breaks, and dead air."

"Keep your hands to yourself, Fee, or I'll gouge your eyes out on the air."

"Sure, bitch, whatever. Somebody bring me a drink."

"Hey, me too. Who picked these two losers, the humane society?"

"Nah, the IOC exhibition committee. It was an easy choice. No other clubs were willing to pay the bribe the committee demanded for an invitation. By the way, Cedrick Belegon pronounces his first name SEEDrick, not SAIDrick."

"Who gives a flying buffalo chip?"

"You do, Thomas, if you don't want to become the next downrange reporter at the exhibition caber tossing. I heard two more got nailed this morning. Hang loose, we're going back on the air.

"This is Ray Fee, welcoming you back to Wombley Stadium and the first ever American-style football Olympic exhibition game. I see Liar is leading the game officials out on the field so we're just moment's away from kickoff. Any last second comments before the kickoff, Colly Thomas?"

"Just this Ray Fee. Fans should pay close attention to my main man, Southern Oklahoma Baptist running back SEEDrick "Say What" Belegon. If SEEDrick starts turning up-field before running out of bounds, old SEEDrick could have a real impact on--."