- Non-Erotic Poetry
- I'm Not Joseph
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Click hereJoseph wore a technicolor coat and God
was on his side when they threw him in jail
I wore a pinstriped suit and a silk tie
God and I hadn't spoken in a long, long time
Not true. I had spoken but He didn't return my calls
maybe I wasn't home -- maybe it doesn't matter
'cause I ain't Joseph
Nobody told me about the pain of blue skies
seen through chainlink fences -- mist sparkles
on razor wire designed to slice flesh from the bone.
Nobody told me the dawn hurts. Nobody told me
there were too many heartbeats to the minute.
Too many hours. Too many days.
The sound of the watch ticking on my arm
bangs slowly in the back of my head
some caller in a minaret sounding off the hours
with deadly precision. Nobody told me
it hurts when your heart is out of step.
Nobody told me pride stings when they search you
strip down -- bend over -- smile
Nobody said it hurt to say your name.
I ain't Joseph.
She cried when I left. So'd my mother
each tear scratching hollow veneer. I can handle it,
one more tear -- one more silent whimper
I can handle it.
Metal bars slide to the left, clawing the soul
only the sound calls out S-I-N-N-E-R
as it lumbers to a stop. Silence -- I can handle it
silence. Nobody told me
the sound of the stars in the night
is loud enough to burst the eardrums
as if everyman who had gone before was singing in concert
a fugue flickering to moonlit madness
too loud -- too goddamn loud.
Nobody told me the pain of the first visit
or the ones after that. You see it in their eyes
the separation -- the hurt in silent hugs
You hear their eyes deny the forgiveness
that trickles from their lips. How do you say
you saw another man get raped
and you couldn't do anything
Or the cluster party -- the slow-motion beating
of someone as frail as you feel
they drop like a blanket folding over itself
only the blood doesn't make a sound.
You talk of nothing. Nobody wants you to worry
you talk of nothing 'cause they cannot understand
you talk of nothing and the words hurt.
Nobody told me words can rip bits of your heart away
or dreams can haunt you like a cruel lover
sneaking into your bed. Nobody told me
the walls and eyes and ears of this place
swallow you until nothing remains.
Nobody told me the ones you love, watch.
Everything is fine. Don't worry about me.
Did you get my letter? Will you write to me?
I'm fine.
- COMMENTS
jd4georgeover 19 years agoAuthorI agree with Tara and Twelveone... the rambling & randomness of this piece does beg for tightening. However, Deepasleep eloquently commented on what I was trying to capture with the structure of the poem... namely, the dysfunctional emotional reasoning that is so pervasive behind bars: "Nobody told me, it's not my fault. I'm scared and hurt, it's not my fault." It's a mantra that is constant and misguided... and directed to the ones we love in hopes of garnering pity (because guilt sucks!).
I wondered, as I wrote it, if trying to "capture" that would get in the way of the poem.
DeepAsleepover 19 years agoThis is hands down one of the best poems I've ever read. I've never been in stir, but I know people who have and they talk about it like you wrote, day in, day out. I think the 'rambling' that's been mentioned reflects very well the way one's mind wanders, when idleness and isolation rule your world. I spent a lot of time locked in my room, with nothing to keep me company but a random book and the patterns on the ceiling.. It'll never compare, but in a small way, this poem spoke to that part of me.
Thank you.
~D.A.
twelveooneover 19 years agoto a certain extent:"In my opinion, a few rewrites...might make this poem overwhelmingly powerful" I agree wholeheartedly. I'm not sure as to what she means by structure or rambling, perhaps, the same thing I'll try to address. There are alot of repeats here:
"there were too many heartbeats to the minute.
Too many hours. Too many days."
Nice pattern of three, varient first, fits perfect
There does seem to be a randomness to "Nobody told me.."
so it begins to sound like a mere sentence start, and weakens its power.
As is it is very good, can be like Tara says...
tarablackwood22over 19 years ago....a poet with so much to say, I gave this a 5, even though I think the structure, for someone of your skills, needs major reworking. In my opinion, a few rewrites, trimming this to the bone and making it less rambling (a style which you have done very well but seems inappropriate to me here ) might make this poem overwhelmingly powerful.
