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Click hereI want you...
Wet
savory
swollen with desire
urgent and unrestrained...
your woman lust flowing and molten
Your back arched
in reckless offering...
a sacred gift
of your passion to me.
For you will be mine...
joined in wet embrace
your intimate places
mine for the taking.
I know that you feel me now.
Heart beat rushing
pulsing in your ears.
Knowing arousal's heated flow
I feel your lips full and moist with invitation.
Yes and I feel your clit
offering herself to my touch...
my kiss...
I feel your flood
pleading to be released.
Submit
surrender
give me what I demand of you...
Now. Quench the urgent need...
but try this, read it aloud, without the words I put in parenthesis-
I want you...
Wet
savory
swollen with desire
urgent * ,* (and) unrestrained...
your woman lust *flowing and molten* ( I would switch these two words)
(Your) back arched * if not omitting your, add with
in reckless offering...
a sacred gift
of your passion to me.
(For you will be mine)... **this is sort of implied**
joined in wet embrace
your intimate places
mine for the taking.
I know that you feel me (now).
Heart beat rushing
pulsing in your ears.
Knowing arousal's heated flow
I feel your lips full (and) with moist invitation.
Yes and I feel your clit
offering herself to my touch...
my kiss...
I feel your flood
pleading (to be)*for* release(d).
Submit
surrender
give me what I demand (of you)...
(Now.) Quench (the) *this* urgent need...
small things can make a poem just flow so much better, you have a great start and I hope I am not out of place, but its really worth working on and if you want to do one of mine, please feel free, I would be honored :)
since you have the first line with an ellipse, try reading each paragraph as if it directly follows that line and that would make it easier to understand what I am saying :rose:
ps. I dont use the thermometer
I hope she gave you what you wanted!
nicely written! and arousing as well.
the first two stanzas! Why do you switch to "demand" in the final stanza when you started with "want" and "desire"? It weakens the poem slightly.