- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Another Time, Place
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The Old House,
Joe smooths himself out
upon a smooth cotton laze
just to pillow-bide his time
out the dormer-screen.
Glenwood Ave.
Rain-slicked and hush-zipped
by the last summer trolley blinking by.
“Did you see,” Mac is unwrapping
an unwelcome thought, “the way Harding
took it through the helmut? It spun around
and spat out, right in his messkit,
‘ping’, like a tooth.
And old Harding, he just sits and stares,
Like he’s thinking ‘bout where he put his spoon.”
“I saw,” says Joe
giving again his gaze to the glimmering embers
and the still smoldering stalks
of bamboo.
- COMMENTS
duddle146about 17 years agoOne can feel the poignancy and the endearing affection from the first line of this heartfelt rendering.
LeBrozover 17 years agoOld soldiers' recollections;
Could not have been handled any better
Between the here and now
And the grit of what once was.
BooMerengueover 19 years agoJames! Don't change a dot. This is so powerful just as it is. I wrote one once about a grandfather lyin in a hammock watching his g'kids play w/ a puppy while bullets zinged and mortars whistled- just out of sight but really there. Its so hard to get that idea across that the battles and the moments NEVER leave your head. You did superb! (superbly?)
Thanks
Anonymousover 19 years agoI'm sure, but nevertheless, it was written superbly.
I respectfully disagree with the previous note about this piece being choppy in the transition. I think it reads like a flash back that two soldiers talk about and relive every day (Terrible mind-jobs?flash backs can be).
Thank you and great work.
Anonymousover 19 years agoThose last two stanzas are stunning! Frightening in their power. JD4G is right about the disconnect with no. 1, though. Edit: "helmet"
