- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Maneuvers
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Click hereHead bent to task is simple.
Tiptoe through the travail, filmy
contrails of maybe rise like rain.
Mist leaves the pavement, fogs
the street with misperception.
You move me.
No one else dreams
our little disturbances
that ripple to serenity
in spite of the flaws,
the carried past.
Now is where today swallows
me in 1,000 contradictions,
the light and shadow gray
until we are mist, imperceptible
silver padding into the twilight
of reason, deepening from logic
to cat-footed maneuvers.
- COMMENTS
twelveooneabout 19 years agoI like the structure of the first stanza, lines two and four
"Tiptoe through the travail, filmy" comma, word, pause, continue next line.
The first line offsets this, showing an exquisent sense of artistic balance, (it is written, so visuals do count)
The next stanza looks like a trailing thought, an incomplete sentence.
Overall, excellent(and unique) use of images. It is difficult to use mist and twilight in a fresh way, it is done so here.
I liked the travail/contrails.
Much, much better than 100, I am a little disappointed that a little bit of the balance acheived in the first stanza was not carried through further.
sackabout 19 years agoAngeline, your strength as a poet is making the familiar and ordinary very dramatic and other-worldly, as in this poem. It might have been a little more interesting to write more about the characters themselves than to emphasize the unusual word play (contrail/travail, etc.)
Liarabout 19 years ago...with anna there. This poem displays a remarkable grip of the reading rhythm, and exactly what timing is needed to move us along. Supah. :)
annaswirlsabout 19 years agoin my opinion, I love when you give the reader (me) breaks from the image and language rich lines, give my brain a chance to catch up, plant a benchmark
You move me.
does it for this poem.
nicely done, Angeline!
