Afterthoughts

Green leaves that once provided shady relief from the hot summer sun are gone. A palette of fiery oranges, brilliant reds and calming yellows now flutter in the wind and fall from the trees where they once were. The passing of seasons always makes you think, in a way it represents the passing of life's moments. The woman jumped and caught a falling leaf, looked at it, tracing her finger over the brown vein on it and let her mind drift back…

THREE MONTHS EARLIER

That week building up to their meeting was one so full of emotions. That nervousness that makes you feel like a schoolchild, wow, she never thought she would feel that again. The anticipation within her caused her panties to be in a constant state of dampness. The thoughts they shared, fears anxieties, hopes about finally seeing each other, touching each other, looking into each other's eyes- it was incredible to say the least.

She drove late at night, running behind schedule, but not as much as she normally does. The rain was thundering down on the highway and construction close to her exit caused a long delay. She called him and almost came when she heard his voice.

These are the feelings buried within her until now. The hurt she felt took over for a time. She forgot how it began, how through the lust and anticipation they made a promise to each other. No matter what happened, peace of mind for both of them was the primary concern. She actually said to him once that she hoped in a way this meeting and whatever became of it would bring him happiness at home, that was the extent of her love for him.

So now, smelling the scent of wet leaves and feeling the briskness in the air, she thinks about the summer passed and all it meant to her. There is warmth in her heart, a smile on her face as her eyes shut briefly, and her smile broadens. She hopes he is doing well. Her only regret is the anger and hurt she felt and the hateful things she said at the time. In her deepest heart, she hopes he understands and forgives her hatred. At the time, she could not remember the good they had or the promises to protect each other from the pain their relationship was sure to bring. Instead, she thought only of things she considered hurtful and forgot the beginning…

Through the pouring rain, she missed his hotel but remembered the mention of a mall so she pulled into the parking lot. There was a bistro type establishment there so she went in to use the bathroom and fix her hair and such. By the time she returned to her car she was drenched to the bone. Her fingers nervously dialed his phone and he answered expecting her to be still on the highway, it was her intention to surprise him. He would be there in less than ten minutes! The rain slowed and as she saw headlights approaching, she opened the car door and got out.

There was no mistaking that they were looking for each other. Instantly the fears of what to do when they finally met- do you shake hands, hug casually, embrace passionately, or just stare at each other- melted away. All her fears dissolved the second she saw him. She easily went to him and held him closely as she felt his strong arms encompass her. Eventually they pulled away to look at each other. That was the moment she knew no matter what happened between them, everything would be O.K.

They decided to go in and have a drink before going right to the hotel. Sitting there, they talked getting to know each other while holding hands. He has the most wonderful hands she said to herself, so soft and well groomed, making her own which were well worn from gardening and housework seem even more worn than they were. Clearly, he did not do too much manual labor.

Sitting there holding hands deep into their conversation, the couple had not noticed the bistro was closing. They were lost in the world they had started by exchanging keystrokes months before.

Was this her intention when she replied to his teasing e-mail? Certainly not. The thought had never crossed her mind. Then again, in her wildest dreams she would never think up what unfolded before her as they exchanged emails.

There was a natural flow between them, a comfort zone many people never experience no matter how long they are together. The words flowed between them, hot and steamy to say the least. This man had such a way with words, the way that he wrote about the sexual experiences they were having never ceased to make her cum repeatedly. They wrote back and forth until they met. The meeting changed the dynamics of their relationship. This change was not necessarily a bad thing; it just made everything between them more personal, more intense. The meeting changed things but in the end, it was not their demise. The love they felt for each other destroyed them.

Looking back on the whole event, starting with the not so innocent emails that brought them together, she knows she will always yearn for his touch. He had not only a way with words but also with his touch. Whether it was a soft caress or a merciless whack on the ass the feel of his hands on her body was exquisite. Always in the back of her mind is the hope he will come back to her. The woman has learned from her mistakes, her disrespect, and her unwillingness to admit that she wanted the very things she protested. She wanted to be owned by him in every way, but didn't want or did not know how to tell him .So now, left with only memories, she takes time on this brisk fall day to recollect and savor every moment of the short lived joy he brought into her life.

She knew sitting back playing the 'what if' game with her thoughts was futile. The past cannot change. The saddest part was that He was now just a learning experience, and to Him, she was most likely as a mistake. She hoped him to be the one to guide her when she was wrong; this was a feeling- a need stronger than that of the love she feels for him. The understanding she gained from him about love is something she holds dear and will always remain in her heart.

The relationship they had showed her it is possible to love someone who loves another. He thought he was capable of loving two, each in their own way, at the same time but that proved not to be the case. They both learned something. Is it possible for a man to love two women without feeling guilt? Can such a relationship where one loves two survive and grow? I suppose not...