- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Roses in Hospital
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Roses in Hospital
As he lay there in green
IV lines drip saline
and glucose through his veins
where they’d dripped before
giving hope to a man aged
by pain. The nurse in white
draped tinsel on his nametag
and antiseptic
scented the air, knotted
with garden roses
that stood in a lone jar
on a body-wide window ledge.
Dust-smeared panes
overlooked the ward,
the concrete car park
and the road he will travel tomorrow.
His drugged eyes
held mine for a time
while memories swam
between thermometer
and undertaking.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 18 years agoThis was a nice read, showed nice separation between writer and words with subject matter that a weaker poet would drool sentimental over.
I definately agree with the previous comment...('in white' is redundant and must be removed), but do not at all agree that the linebreaks were distracting. I think they are fine, and your linebreaks in general lately have begun to display a more sophisticated feel for your material. They are not random, for the most part, as they used to be.
Anonymousover 18 years agoThe break in your stanza's is distracting but your imagery is wonderful, with some editing this could be a strong piece.
~Sabina
My Erotic Taleover 18 years agomostly because I just got home from the hospital <grin> nice write wild~
