- Non-Erotic Poetry
- I thought it was a song
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Click hereI don't know his name,
but I know where he is
and I know what he takes
I have seen him fly
and at what point he breaks
he cries at night
weeping tear that stain
even when not alone
with a needle in his vein
- COMMENTS
Maria2394over 17 years agoI like this to the point where I want to say...something isn't just right with the last 2 lines.
Somehow, the last part could be better, maybe I'm wrong, but thats just my perception. I almost gave you a 5 anyway, but the end bugs me, not the needle part, the wording on the next to last line.
still, enjoyed reading your work, you are already showing improvement and you have been here, what, barely 2 months?
hugs
maria
My Erotic Trailover 17 years agobut it was just your poetry (~_~) the last line struck me, then again, I DON'T LIKE NEEDLES <Grin'n... but I read your poem!
