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Click hereWith the scent of pine flooding our valley
Your mouth longing for the taste of the fantastic
In the river of new fruit and your lips covering everything
With the musk of ferns and orange spice tea
I was tangled in a web of dead stars until I found you
Finding release, you returned me to life's longings
Like flying kites and birds soaring
In beds of clouds everywhere your eyes a galaxy
So I called you my milky way as you took me
In the ways I torridly wished and I took you in the ways you torridly wanted
Along the mountains of my passionate
We voiced each others history and song and
Pressed the past into a book of notes we sang
Musing to each others rhymes
You could not forget my thick kiss and I could not forget
Your eyes reflecting the days of conversation
My heart singing to your tune
You took my dreams and lit a fire in the mist of the desert rain
Fat drops of you falling on me
As I sizzled and kissed you deeper with each
Passing touch
You told me everything and I took the words you
Wrote and I began a love poem for you in the thicket
Of the forest waiting for the night to grant me peace
When I walked behind your dreamy lids and looked from your eyes
To the world I gazed at myself in the mirror
My eyes your face, Your eyes my face
A twin flame in the heat of the glass reflect
Everything in this world is furious with everything else
Even love crumbs are aching to be attached as they fall to the ground
I enter the day without you for now…it's my fate
And I'll wait and see if singing will be my life with you
Or if songs we sang will be on the lips of the
Moons shadow and my deep onging
All I can do is offer you my hand if you
Are ever ready and in the sweet aching of my dreams
I'll fall into your cloud of blue eyes
Seeing my own love shining back
Take my passion and my heart and all that I know
Scribing it into our sweet story
You my king and I your willing queen
On my browser it also double spaced, making the poem longer than need be. Also making me bored. Short, sweet and to the point is better.
I really liked this poem a lot. Beautiful imagery and a wonderfully intimate sensuality. It is the kind of poem that makes the reader wish it had been written for him. I also like the strong presence of nature in the poem — I can really feel it pressing in on all sides with its great quietness. In short I loved it. Why not record it and add it to the recordings thread?
Those first five lines are quite good. This could be a wonderful poem if you watched the cliches. On my browser, it's double spaced, which makes it seem too long. How about breaking it into strophes?