How To Pull on a Night Out

Authors Note: Please enjoy the following piece of light-hearted advice and take the time to appreciate just how many hours I had to spend in bars/pubs/clubs drinking exotic cocktails whilst honing and testing the techniques described below. It was a hard job, but somebody had to do it...

Your vote for this contest is the only reward for my selfless and painstaking research.

Ps. For those of you unfamiliar with the word 'pulling', it is a British slang word that means to pick up / score / hook up / acquire a date / get lucky et al. Get it?

How to Score a Date on a Night Out

Before you get too hung up on the whole notion of pulling a potential date, please try and remember that nights out are meant to be fun! To put it simply, the harder you try, the more disappointed you will be when you are shot down in flames each time you take your courage in your hands to have a crack at some hot babe or stud.

Most of the suggestions I am about to make can be applied to both sex's, although as a woman my experience will inevitably be from my own gender's perspective.

First things first...

Before you even set foot outside the front door for an evening of drinking and flirting, you need to make an honest assessment of a few crucial issues. Firstly you need to check your look in the mirror and decide if what you are wearing is appropriate for the type of place you are going to and the people you will be mixing with.

Age is a huge factor and it is important to dress in keeping for your generation.

There is nothing worse than seeing some balding guy with a satin shirt slashed to the waist and a gold medallion nestling amongst straggly grey chest hair. You may think that it looks sexy -- and indeed it did when John Travolta was strutting his stuff in Saturday Night Fever -- but now it just looks sad. Please go and change into something more appropriate. Casual and/or classy is always a good look for men.

Women need to make sure they don't look like mutton dressed as lamb. It is fine to emphasise your best attributes, but always stick to either top or bottom half -- never BOTH. If you go on the pull with your tits hanging out and a micro mini barely covering your ass, then the only thing you'll be pulling is a potential 'client'. Great if you're short of cash, but not so great when you are after a potential boyfriend!

So, once you have established that your clothes are tasteful and not likely to stop traffic, have a think about what your expectations are. If all you fancy is a one night stand, then your task won't be terribly hard. Basically it is not all that difficult to find a bloke willing to fuck you senseless as long as you make this clear up front. On the flip side of the coin there are always plenty of women happy to do the same -- just go for the really drunk ones and BINGO, your fuck for the night is assured.

However, that is a truly despicable way to behave and I don't condone this type of behaviour! Casual sex is likely to earn you a whole collection of STD's as well as a bad reputation -- so be careful where you 'go' on a night out.

Okay, you are all glammed up and the taxi has arrived to take you into town to meet your companions for a drink or ten. What's next?

Check out the talent...

Once you have arrived at your pub/club and are all ready to go forth and sample the sweets in the shop, it is a good idea to head for the toilets before the bar (if you are a girl), and make sure you have no embarrassing mascara runs or hair tragedies.

Next stop: the bar.

WARNING! Don't overdo the alcohol consumption. You may think you are the hottest thing on the planet following fifteen shots of vodka, but all everyone else will see is a seriously inebriated mess. Drunken people rarely look attractive when their lipstick is skewed and they are seconds away from vomiting in the street. By all means have a few drinks (alcohol is a great confidence giver), but go easy on the cocktails and then you won't run the risk of waking up next to Mr or Mrs Troglodyte.

Once drinks are bought and paid for, find a central location and make your stand.

Please don't go and sit at that table in the far corner by the super woofer speakers. There is a very good reason why it's vacant. Yes, your ears will bleed after ten minutes sat there listening to 130 decibels of rap music and nobody in their right mind is likely to approach you in order to chat you up.

So move dimwit!

It is only fair to say at this point that your success rate in pulling is helped by your looks. (I would be lying if I said otherwise). But -- gorgeous people don't necessarily have all the luck. Many folk will not bother chatting up the God/Goddess stood by the bar simply because they think they are so far out of their league, they aren't going to be worth the oxygen expended.

Naturally the opposite can also work against you to a degree. If you are seriously challenged in the looks department, then you need to maximise on your personality as this is what will get you noticed. An ugly guy can do surprisingly well with the ladies if he has a great sense of humour and a winning personality.

Just look at all those ugly guys married to gorgeous women if you don't believe me! (Okay so those men are mega rich, but that wasn't the only reason they got the girl...was it?!)

A key factor in 'pulling-success' is self confidence. If you think you're worth talking to, chances are other people will agree with you. If you think you are a boring and deeply sad individual, other people will also agree with you.

Treat potential dates as human beings, just like you. Yes, they may turn out to be rude and obnoxious, but that is true of any situation, not just chatting up potential dates. If you are shot down by ten women in a row, then perhaps you need to examine your technique more closely. But you should expect a certain amount of rejection -- nobody is God's gift after all (with the possible exception of Ewan Macgregor, but then I'm biased)

Be realistic about your appeal to potential dates. You may think you're a hot sex machine, but the blonde with the big tits only sees Mr Bean on a bad hair day. If your mates are laughing like hyenas when you inform them of your intention to walk over and chat up that foxy woman by the bar, perhaps it would be wise to listen to them and save yourself the humiliating rejection that will surely follow.

Of course there is always the possibility she's registered blind and she likes the sound of your husky voice just enough to talk to you all night long...

For the purposes of pulling, it is usually not a good idea to go out in a large group of friends. This is much too intimidating to any potential partners. Nobody is likely to make a move when you are surrounded by lots of loud and noisy people. It is far better to go out with one or two friends who can easily melt away should you meet Mr or Ms Right.

This is also useful as they can distract his/her ugly mate while you turn on the charm offensive in the direction of your intended beloved.

Once you are seated comfortably (or stood) in the centre of the bar or thereabouts, it is time to check out the available talent. You may find that nobody in your vicinity is remotely interesting, but don't lose heart, people come and go all the time. If all else fails you can always move on to another bar after this round of drinks.

Once you have assessed the room, return your attention to your companions. If it looks like you are having fun, laughing and joking with your friends, people will notice you more. They are more likely to want to talk to you than if you were sat in silence and staring into your pint glass looking suicidal.

Help, I've spotted someone I fancy...what do I do now?

If there is someone you like the look of, you need to find out if they have noticed that you actually exist before you make a move on them. It is useful to take a walk past them, either to go to the bar, or to the toilets. As you sidle past on a go-slow, try and catch their eye and smile at them in a flirty manner.

If they completely ignore you or immediately look away, you can be fairly certain they aren't interested. If on the other hand they give you some eye contact back and maybe smile too, then you are in with a chance.

Keep on walking and give them some time to think about you. Once you pass them again on the return journey, repeat the same procedure and pause again as you pass. It doesn't hurt to brush up against them if the bar is busy - this only serves to strengthen the subliminal message that you like them.

Girls -- please note that men are notoriously thick when it comes to body language. They consistently fail to read our messages that blatantly scream we fancy the pants of them. If a guy appears to ignore you, it is worth having a second or even third attempt at attracting his attention. The chances are he simply didn't see you ogling him the first time round because he was firmly fixated on the SKY Sports screen behind you.

Guys -- if a girl ignores you and/or turns her back on you, she really isn't just playing hard to get. She doesn't like you so take the hint and try someone else! If you stand there openly staring at her, she is likely to call security and have you unceremoniously thrown out of the establishment.

She / he wants me! What next?

If you are a girl, then tradition has it that we sit back and wait for the guy to make an approach. This may seem rather unfair, but it is the norm. By all means make the first move if you are feeling confident, but otherwise sit back and wait for your prey to come to you.

Guys - keep watching her for a few minutes just to make sure she is genuinely interested. If she is looking at you coyly and playing with her hair whilst smiling in a flirty manner, you are well in there so go for it tiger!

Make your initial approach slowly and always be polite. Don't bother with the cheesy chat up lines -- just introduce yourself and make conversation. Sounds simple and it is simple. Find out if you have any common ground besides a mutual desire to get laid very soon. Be yourself and don't act too cocky. Ask her if she would like a drink and if she says yes - don't forget to buy one for her friends too. By all means introduce your mates into the group and they can keep her friends amused while you sow the seeds for a match made in heaven.

Please note: it is wholly unacceptable to approach her mate, chat her up for ten minutes and THEN say, "By the way, I really fancy your friend -- is she single?" This is rude and not nice, so don't do it. The friend will be extremely pissed off and justifiably resistant to helping you get off with her mate.

Girls -- if the man of your dream seems too shy to make a move, then you must go to him. Wait until he goes to the bar and then sidle up next to him. Make small talk like, "Can you believe how long it takes to get served in this place?", or something similar. Ask him if he lives locally and just be friendly. If he seems too much like hard work, then maybe he isn't the man for you, so cut your losses and return to your friends.

It is a good idea to check out if the person has a wedding ring on at this point. If they have a suspicious white mark on their ring finger, then it suggests they normally wear a ring there and you should run a mile. It really isn't worth messing with someone who is a lying, cheating scumbag. It will only end in tears.

They like me -- where do we go from here?

If conversation is going swimmingly and you have not struggled with things to talk about, then you are doing well. If the other person is hanging off every word you say, then they are definitely interested. If on the other hand their eyes are glazed over in boredom and they have lapsed into a coma, then it is a really good idea to cut your losses and move on to pastures new.

You may find at some point that your potential date has to leave and go to another venue -- they may be meeting friends for a meal or something similar. If they regretfully tell you they need to go, ask if you can give them your phone number, or have theirs. Of course they may not agree, but you never know!

If the sexual attraction is sizzling then ask for a kiss if appropriate.

Blokes - this doesn't mean a full tonsil-tickling, groping-session in full view of all her mates. She is unlikely to appreciate such behaviour unless she is a total slapper. If she IS a total slapper, please consider raising your standards!

If you are lucky enough to spend a decent amount of time with your paramour, then you will have more of an opportunity to form a fledgling relationship, always assuming neither of you are totally inebriated.

Please don't be tempted to go home with them at the end of the evening. As stated previously, casual sex is always a bad idea for all the obvious reasons. However, if the chemistry is just so damn potent that you are practically having sex in a corner booth of the night club, then at least practice safe sex when you go back to their place or yours.

Just remember that if you are drunk, your perception of this person may be dangerously askew. Ever had that experience when you went to bed with Brad Pitt and woke up next to Fred Flintstone? Don't go there!!

Once again, exchange phone numbers and keep it sweet. If the night is still early, you have plenty of time to have another crack at the cherry and add to your collection of possible future dates. It never hurts to have a replacement (or three) in the wings!

The morning after the night before...

For your sake I really hope you took my advice and didn't open your eyes to see Quasimodo or his sister asleep and snoring loudly in your bed.

You may well have a hangover, but hopefully you will have collected at least one telephone number.

Wait a day or two before ringing if possible, so as not to appear too keen and desperate. If you really can't wait, at least leave it until the late afternoon before texting or ringing. It is probably a good idea to text first, so as to test the water. If the person does not reply within 24 hours, then you can safely assume they weren't interested. At this point just chalk it down to experience and look forward to the next night out.

Of course there is always the outside possibility they were involved in an accident and are currently in Intensive Care with their mobile switched off...but that's highly unlikely so don't pin your hopes on that particular scenario!

If the person DOES reply and a conversation ensues, then keep it casual for a few days. Try ringing them and talking regularly. Make sure they sound like how you remember them and you can't hear anyone in the background saying, "Darling! Did you take my suit to the dry cleaners?"

Try suggesting a proper date and see how they feel about this. If they agree then arrange a night that suits you both. Having already met them, at least you know that you fancy them. The next step is to find out whether or not you can stand to spend any more time in their company.

If for some reason you failed miserably and hit stony ground at every turn -- don't despair - all is not lost! Keep trying and if you don't succeed, try and try again. Failing that, go to Plan B.

Plan B...

Arrange a night out with your good-looking friend who has the gift of the gab and always pulls the hottest chicks in the bar. You will be certain to pull whilst accompanying him, as he'll need you to chat to the ugly friend while he charms the knickers off the good-looking one.

Okay, it may not be ideal, but at the very least you might end up with a sympathy fuck!

Good luck!