The Unabridged Catalog of Kisses

"Soul meets soul on lovers' lips."

(Percy Bysshe Shelley)

Some people like to kiss. Some people think kissing is one of those things you do on the way to other activities. I happen to be someone who feels that kissing can be more intimate than any other type of sexual contact.

Part of my personal fascination with the activity stems from the many years I spent "saving" my virginity. Prolonged episodes of kissing became a substitute for intercourse in many of my relationships. By this, I mean that "sex" as an expression of affection was replaced by kissing. Although this did not result in orgasms for either party (except once for him), it did serve the function of conveying sexual attraction and shared affection.

Of course not all kisses are romantic or passionate. The word "kiss" is used for the very different touch of a mother's lips on her infant's forehead, and the open-mouthed deep tonguing between two breathless lovers. So, to clarify, the "kisses" discussed here are related to the second type, rather than the first.

What constitutes good technique is obviously a matter of personal preference. Certainly some like kisses harder or softer, dryer or wetter, etc. Most of us like different things in differing situations.

My personal feeling is that adaptability is a key element. A kiss is shared, and as such is a thing created by two different minds. Great kisses happen when the two people find common ground. Many have implied that a great kiss is a moment of chronologic stillness. "Time stood still." Indeed, the feeling that you are both very clearly in the present is often quite exciting. In my experience, men who concentrate on their kisses and consciously think about the action leave the best impressions. Confidence (but not arrogance) combines with assertiveness (but not aggressiveness) to convey strong emotions most effectively.

I actually still remember the name of every man that has ever touched his lips to mine. Although there were not very many, I kept the names in a journal throughout my teen years, with occasional notes and comments about them. Over the years, I discovered that I was sort of mentally rating each one. The categories that I mentally considered were the following:

1. Romance
Was it romantic if the occasion warranted romance?

2. Technical merit
According to my own preferences, meaning good lip contact, slight suction, and the right amount of tongue at the proper moment.

3. Lust-invoking
Did it leave me wanting more?

4. Creative/artistic
Did he do anything *different*?

The following list was compiled from both journal entries and memories. (Consistent with the above "definition" of the kisses discussed here, no one appears below unless the lip contact lasted for at least a few seconds.)

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Josh

I was 13 when I got my first kiss. Josh and I were outside with my best friend and her then-boyfriend, Jason (who was a good friend of Josh's). They left to go inside, but Josh grabbed my arm and suggested that we "look at the stars" for another minute. I stayed, hoping he was planning to kiss me.

When he turned and stared into my eyes, my heart was about to pound out of my chest. I was hardly even disappointed when the kiss was too wet and far too aggressive. Although he had later opportunities to improve my impression of his technique, he never did kiss very much better than that first night in the moonlight next to my best friend's swimming pool.

Josh's specialty -- the "no warm up" french kiss, normally suitable only in long-term relationships and definitely not appropriate for a first kiss.

Luke

I kissed Luke at a party one night, and immediately knew that I had experienced the worst kiss I would ever know. Yuck! WAY too wet, too much tongue, no creativity whatsoever. Gross. For his sake, I hope he eventually improved!

Luke's specialty -- the "dead fish" kiss, which I've been trying to forget ever since.

Jason

This is the same Jason that my friend was dating when I kissed Josh. Jason was gorgeous, so I was willing to overlook the fact that he probably didn't really like me as much as I liked him. I was easily lured with the line, "can I see your bedroom?".

His kiss and touch were a little like him -- very self-centered. Technically OK, but it's hard for me to judge because we only kissed for a few minutes on that one occasion.

Jason's specialty -- the "kiss and run" technique, which really has little more to recommend it than Luke's "dead fish" kiss.

Erik

Erik deserves some discussion, since he held the title of "best kisser" for quite some time before he was dethroned by another. Our first kiss was also at a party. I brought him with me as a friend. A while after we arrived, another guy whom I had been interested in but "rejected" by arrived at the party. I asked Erik to please pretend that we were romantically involved. As a favor to me, he began to dance with me and hold my hand.

This lead to more serious "pretending" and eventually some very real kissing. My head was spinning that night from the sensual pleasures, and I can still almost feel the movements of his mouth against mine. Erik kissed great. He and I also kissed on many other occasions, and he still remains one of the best in my mind for both technical and creative reasons.

Erik's specialty -- the "tongue tease", also known as "slipping him/her the tongue", which can be extremely exciting when done properly.

Ben

My first kiss with Ben was both romantic and exciting. We had a short weekend kissing "fling" that was sweet and intense. It included some great passionate embraces in an elevator on the way to the 10th floor of the building we were working in.

I ran into Ben several years later at a drugstore where he was then working part time. I was checking out with a box of condoms (his checkout line -- oops!). It was rather embarrassing for both of us, and the small talk was strained. I suppose he assumed at that point that I was not a virgin any longer...

Ben's specialty -- the "elevator kiss", which is an urgent and rushed passionate embrace, usually in a place where you could get caught at any moment.

Christian

I adored Christian, but even the strong emotional ties I had for him did not make up for his sloppy technique. Christian bluntly told me he was a lousy kisser, and he was right.

Christian was the one man I actively tried to reform, even giving verbal requests on occasion. He took the advice in a good-natured manner, but never really did conform to my own personal tastes.

Christian's specialty -- the "steamroller maneuver", which involved rolling around on the bed excessively, and playfully squishing the other person while kissing in various ways.

Tom

Pure unadulterated perfection, every single time. We kissed everywhere and every way, and it was bliss. Tom and I would literally kiss for hours at a time when we were first dating and I was still preserving my virginity.

During that cold fall, we used to make out in the Jacuzzi under clear starry skies. I can still feel the almost painful juncture between the icy air and the hot bubbly water. He would cup his hands and fill them with water, then pour the water on my shoulders to keep them warm. He told me the other day that he still thinks of those days and secretly longs for that kind of raw expression of emotions. From my perspective, his kisses were technically flawless, extremely creative, and often very playful.

Tom's specialty -- "perfect timing", which defies explanation if you have not already experienced it.

Troy

Troy and I only kissed me a few times, but we shared some memorable moments. Troy's technique was better than average, and he was also rather creative.

One grossly in-your-face macho man maneuver of his has somehow become immortalized in my memory. I cannot explain why this struck me, but it did. He wanted me to tilt my head back, so he twisted his fingers in my hair and actually pulled on it. He seemed quite impassioned at that precise moment, and I was moved by the "rawness" of the gesture. Although this style is not normally my preference, the memory still arouses me.

Troy's specialty -- "the hair trick" and related maneuvers, to position one's partner precisely for ideal angles and superb mouth access.

John

John was sweet, but his technique was a little immature. John's strength was the intensity and concentration he displayed. Technically not too bad, but he was a creative zero. I imagine that he probably improved with age and experience.

John's specialty -- "the mirror trick", which is the fun (or irritating) practice of imitating your partner's movements.

Mark

Mark and I were in love. We were together for over two years. He was the first man I had sex with. We shared some wonderful times. However, I really didn't like the way he kissed. Mostly, I just ignored this fact because (as I said) I loved him.

Mark's specialty -- "the unmemorable kiss", which, unfortunately, is self-explanatory.

Ingmar

Ingmar was Mark's best friend. After Mark and I broke up, Ingmar and I spent a lot of time together, just as friends. Late one evening, we crossed the line from friends to something more. We were sitting together on the couch, watching country music videos. Our hands slowly inched together, and he began softly caressing my fingers.

We shared a slow, close dance, and one lovely string of good night kisses that lasted for several minutes. He told me it had been at least a year since he had last kissed anyone, but his skills didn't seem to be suffering from lack of recent use. It was gentle, loving, and surprisingly arousing. Those few kisses had quite an impact on me, as I have dreamed about kissing him several times since then.

Ingmar's specialty -- "good manners", where you verbally request the kiss before actually performing it.

Brian

Brian was experienced, and it showed. He had soft lips, a daring tongue, and his mannerisms were delightfully sexy. Brian was skillful and creative, in kissing and other related activities.

Brian's specialty -- the "lip suck", which involves taking your partner's lower lip between your own two lips, and sucking on it while running your tongue back and forth across it.

Matt

Matt was too eager. He used too much pressure and did not leave enough air space. My lips felt bruised every time I could get them away from him. He was fun to be with, though -- always cheerful and optimistic.

Matt's specialty -- "the crushing kiss", which can be nice on occasion in the correct context, but is not recommended as a regular activity.

Derrick

Who can be objective about the current object of one's affection? Derrick was the first man to ever kiss me in a public place. In fact, our first kiss (during our first evening date) was across a small table in a very crowded room at a local comedy club.

He later confided that he had actually wanted to kiss me after our first lunch together. That really would have surprised me because we said our good-byes that afternoon in front of the library where we both worked, and many people we worked with would have seen us. Occasionally being kissed in public is a special treat because it proves that the person you are with wants others to know that he or she cares about you. It is a possessive gesture, and sometimes we all want to be possessed.

Derrick's specialty -- "she's mine", as described above.

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Now I think perhaps you can kiss as I prefer. Come closer and I'll show you exactly how it's done. Look me in the eyes and silently tell me that you want me. Concentrate on the moment and make your message and intentions clear to me.

Move towards me slowly and give me an opportunity to shy away. If I do, remember that I may want you to try again later. Otherwise, you'll know by the look in my eyes and the encouraging way I am leaning towards you.

Where are your hands? Place your fingertips on my cheeks. Run your thumb across my lips softly. As I part my lips oh-so-slightly, take the opportunity to wet your fingertip on the tip of my tongue. Trail the moisture along my top and bottom lips. Feel my shallow breath move softly across your hand.

Now move your hands upward with splayed fingers, your parted fingers on either side of my head and your thumbs under my chin, lifting it slightly. Tilt my head very slightly to the right. See me wet my lips in anticipation.

Move your head towards mine. I will watch you come to me until the moment your lips make light contact with mine, when my eyes drift softly shut.

Brush your lips across mine briefly, then pause for my response. Pay close attention. If I want more, you can feel my body shift towards you almost imperceptibly. Lean towards me again, and this time hold your lips against mine for a second or two.

Now, show me that you want a deeper kiss. Part your lips slightly first and close them against mine a little wetly. I should hear that sexy "smack" as it ends. Remember that I want you to end each kiss with this particular movement. Repeat this several times so that your desire for more is clearly conveyed.

Use your hands to tilt my head the other direction. Dip your head towards mine again and this time begin by very quickly flicking your tongue across the juncture of my still closed lips. This is your request, like a knock at the door. Will I answer?

This time I do. I part my lips very slightly and meet yours in a similar state. Your tongue travels carefully to run across the soft inner edge of my upper lip. Position your head so that our mouths are tilted at almost a 90 degree angle. Be sure your lips maintain good contact with mine and apply a tiny bit of suction.

Move your tongue further into my warm, wet mouth and touch the tip of my own tongue with it. My tongue will then follow yours as you run it along the bottom edge of my top teeth and the top edge of my bottom teeth. Stretch your tongue further into my mouth, meeting mine and swirling around it in a playful dance. Now, withdraw your tongue and begin a new kiss so that I can have my turn.

I want to explore the inside of your mouth from a different angle, so I leave your lips long enough to tilt my head to the right again. You eagerly cooperate with the repositioning.

The next kiss is more aggressive. I want you to know that you have aroused me as I run my tongue intimately along the space between your upper teeth and your upper lip. Our tongues meet again and do battle once more. End the kiss now when you know I still want more.

As you pull away, I open my eyes and my desire for another kiss is clear. You want to tease me a little, so you begin kissing the hollow of my throat and the side of my neck, and eventually work your way towards my ear. You place my right earlobe between your teeth briefly, then take the earlobe into your mouth and suck on it for a moment. You can actually see the goose bumps rise on my skin.

Whisper in my ear softly that I taste great, then begin kissing below my ear and down my neck again. I will close my eyes and tilt my head backwards, exposing my entire neck to you in the universal gesture of surrender.

Kiss me again, please. You do it so well...