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Click hereI can't sleep,
lying in bed,
tossing and turning,
thinking of you.
Recalling your touch,
your hot mouth,
pressed against mine,
breathing you in.
Hearing your breath,
in my ears,
my hand lowers,
stroking my shaft.
Rubbing so softly,
feeling the hardness,
the pressure building,
faster and faster.
My body tenses,
out of control,
erupting with force,
making a mess.
Still missing you,
laying back down,
closing my eyes,
ready for sleep.
I liked this poem. It could be more descriptive but set the mood nicely.
This poem is fundamentally weak because of a single error. You are telling , not showing. Saying what is happening is uninteresting. Try to paint a picture of your emotional response for example and it will be inevitably better