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Click hereThin back is arched,
a bony knoll, with me perched
there on his spine.
"Caw! Crawl and creep
over cherty path, gray
as you, my old man seat."
Feed him feathers,
a few to spare
for good sitting.
I am a lazy bird
and this man was going nowhere.
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copyright d. dixon
august 2008
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I forgot to say I agree with Jamis; you don't need the "there" in the second line. :-)
Your imagery is so weird and alien and familiar at the same time. That thin bony arch is perfectly birdy and I dunno what cherty means, but you got "gray" in, so the context is covered. I'm assuming cherty is ashy, maybe from the same root that gives us "cheroot." There's something creepily predatory about this poem, even with a lazy narrator. You convey that in a lot of poems and it's really good!
I like crow poems. Such an interesting bird that humans can easily identify with their characteristics. It's a very good poem, though, I felt the first line stumbled a little. Maybe if the line was rerranged it would be smoother? Something like: <i>"An arched thin back is a bony knoll, with me perched on his spine." </i>
I'm hearing this poem say something to me, but I don't know the language yet. Like the nominal contrast between the crows perceived blackness and the man's stated grayness.