Dear Diary

I'm new to blogging but I need an outlet. I need direction and advice from people who don't know me and will never really know me. I'll tell you the important stuff right off the bat. I've been 'happily' married for the thirty two years and that's about as much as I'm going to tell you about my age. What I mean by happily married is. . .well I love my husband. I do. He's been a great provider for my children, he's never raised a hand to me, he barely raises his voice even though I've deserved it. We get along fine, we have fun when we go out. He's just not interested in me anymore, he hasn't been for years. Its nothing that's wrong with him, when he does show an interest he doesn't have any problems you know, getting it up. It's not that there is another woman. I wish it was but he doesn't even look at other women, not even the cute security guard at the front gate. No we aren't rich we live in a gated community though and even I have to admit that the girl who is at the gate most of the time is sexy, she could probably model if she wanted to. Both of my sons are constantly flirting with her. My husband walks right past her barely bats an eye. I've gone through his computer and he has a few spots bookmarked but he doesn't seem to visit them much. He's just not that interested in sex.

I'm sorry, I really don't mean to ramble. So I'll get back to the point. About two months ago I got an email from a young man. It was a sex letter. He was trying to send it to a girl he only identified as Kitten. It was very graphic and it had been a few weeks since I'd had sex. I ended up fingering myself as I read his email. I think I wanted to embaress him a little so I sent him a message telling him I wasn't a kitten I was a cougar but he could make me roar anytime. The next morning I had a email from him. He wanted to know what I looked like. I guess he was one of the names on one of the joke email lists I was on. So I was one of probably three hundred people who'd read his note to Kitten.

We started chatting back and forth, I figured it couldn't do any harm. By the time I figured out that I was wrong it was too late and I was addicted to him. I thought he was opening up to me when he told me his darkest secrets. The things he'd done to his ex-girlfriend and how much he'd enjoyed it. I know now he was testing me. He wanted to see how I would react and I passed. I was interested, I kept asking him for more details and he provided them. He told me how he'd told her she had to come into his house naked if she wanted to remain his girlfriend. He told me how he used to make her drink piss and how he'd left her naked and handcuffed by a local high school once. He told me that women were property and should be treated as such.

I should have been offended. I was offended but more than that I was excited. It didn't hurt that he was constantly flattering me. He was constantly telling me how sexy I was, how great my ass looked, how I couldn't be that old that I was lying. We started having cyber sex almost daily. I'd stay up into the wee hours one hand on the keyboard, the other double clicking my mouse.

Last week he told me he wanted to meet me. If I didn't he would never speak to me again. He gave me directions, sent me a pair of shoes, stripper heels and told me dress to impress. On the way to the meeting place he gave me I got caught behind a train which apparently was part of his plan cus he snuck into my car and scared the shit out of me.

We went to a diner together and then he put me in a bathroom stall with these holes in the wall. I sucked cock until my throat was sore and I can't remember the last time I did anything as exciting as that. It was amazing. When I finished he kissed me, told me I was beautiful and sent me home.

I got home just before my son, he should have been out the entire night but instead he was just behind me. He didn't say anything to me but I know he saw me in that skimpy dress. In his sisters dress. It's only been one trip and already I 've nearly been caught. If I keep this up I'll get caught for sure and he'll kick me out of my house. I'll deserve it too.

I'm cheating on my husband, I'm risking my health, I'm practically a pedophile Sean is barely eighteen and I'm utterly addicted. I am his Fuckpig and anything he wants from me I'll give him and much more.

I'm out of control and I know it but I need this. Without him I'll just keep dying. He makes me feel alive.

Fuckpig