They've Got Kids?!?

Story Info
How to date a single parent
1.5k words
4.39
23.2k
6
Share this Story

Font Size

Default Font Size

Font Spacing

Default Font Spacing

Font Face

Default Font Face

Reading Theme

Default Theme (White)
You need to Log In or Sign Up to have your customization saved in your Literotica profile.
PUBLIC BETA

Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.

You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.

Click here
KarennaC
KarennaC
612 Followers

So you've met Ms. or Mr. Right, or at least Ms. or Mr. Right-now. Gorgeous, sexy, smart, everything you want in a date or partner. You can hardly wait to get them out on a date, or better yet to get them into your bed.

Just one problem. They've got kids.

This is intended mainly for those who don't have children of their own and are dating single parents. If both partners have kids, it becomes even more complicated and more coordination may be necessary. However, I personally haven't been in that situation, so I'm offering advice from the point of view of a single mom whose partner has no children.

Dating a single parent isn't easy. It can be hard enough for people to coordinate seeing each other around other commitments like work, friends, family, and so on. When dating a single parent, add to those commitments sick children, school concerts or conferences, and the obvious need to find someone to watch the kids before leaving the house, depending on how old the kids are. When dating moves into the bedroom for two people without children, often either partner's home is available. When dating a single parent, their house may be off-limits, especially if kids are there with a sitter. Even when the kids are in bed asleep, your date may not be comfortable with any "activity"; what if the kids wake up?

For some single parents, the beginning stages of dating may be the easiest. I know that was true for me. I'd come out of a messy marriage, through a divorce, and I wasn't about to trust anyone in a relationship, especially if that meant introducing them to my kids. So finding a sitter or persuading my ex or his parents to take the kids overnight so I could go out for dinner or to a bar with a guy was pretty easy. And most of the guys I dated that way gave up after one or two dates, when they figured out that I wasn't going to dump my kids on their father or grandparents every single weekend.

If things move beyond that initial stage, it becomes more complicated. Can your object of desire see you as often as you'd both like? Probably not, unless they have family members who are willing to help out or a good sitter. Speaking of sitters, raising kids costs money, and some sitters earn more an hour than I do. If this person is important enough to you that you want to spend time with them, offer to pay, or at least chip in, for the sitter, if your own income and expenses allow. At least offer to help find a sitter if they don't already have a regular one. They may turn you down, but even if they do they'll likely appreciate the gesture.

When dating moves to relationship, people sometimes want to spend time together other than out on dates. Sitting on the couch watching a movie together, experimenting in the kitchen to make a new dessert... and, oh yeah, sex. If you're dating a single parent, these times may have to be at your place, or they may have to send their kids elsewhere when you go to their place. Some parents aren't comfortable with new partners meeting their kids, so other arrangements have to be made. And if a child gets sick or the sitter or family member bails, plans with you may have to be canceled.

When should you meet her kids? There are plenty of articles and advice on this. Some recommend a set amount of time; some say "when a commitment is made between you". Personally, I say it depends.

When I started dating, I didn't plan on my kids meeting anyone. I wasn't planning on anything necessarily long-term, so to me it made no sense for my kids to meet a man who wasn't going to be an ongoing part of our lives. Then, about six months after my separation, the man I was seeing told me, "Once your divorce is final, I want you to be with me, and I want to help you raise those kids of yours." Intended, and taken, as a proposal. So I gradually introduced my children to him, first letting them speak to each other on speakerphone, then having him come to our home for a brief introduction before their father picked them up for the weekend, and finally going with him to a barbecue at his boss's house.

That's when things went south. He told me the day after the barbecue that he felt I'd spent too much time with my kids. Hello? I'm their mother, and I'd been told that if they went to the barbecue I had to keep an eye on them. Regardless of how I felt about this man, my children were more important. And I didn't like the idea of dating someone who would complain about how much attention I paid to my kids. So I ended it.

If you're dating a single parent, it's important to remember that "parent" is an important part of their description. Their kids have to come first, almost always, and sometimes that means a date or partner comes in a distant second or even third. (Hey, we parents have to fit ourselves in there somewhere!) If you feel like you're being ignored in favor of the kids and it's causing a real problem, talk to your date/partner about it calmly: "I've noticed that lately you've been preferring to take the kids to the park instead of finding a sitter so we can go out to lunch. Is there a problem between us?" as opposed to, "You spend too much time with your kids. Don't you give a crap about me?"

So back to the "when to introduce" question. The guy I mentioned met my kids only after he'd sort-of proposed. And it didn't go well, and my kids were left feeling a bit lost, especially since they'd also met his 20-year-old daughter and had hit it off with her. So I resolved not to introduce my kids to anyone else.

A few months later, I broke that resolution. I was dating a trucker who happened to be in town unexpectedly and wanted to take me out to dinner. When I told him I couldn't go on such short notice because of my kids, he invited them along. That was the one and only time they met him, neither particularly liked him, and I ended up regretting the whole evening.

So although I kept seeing that guy for a few more months, I was careful not to bring the kids into it again. And when he and I decided to stop seeing each other, I again resolved not to let the guys I dated meet my kids, or in a couple of cases even find out that I had kids.

Then I met my current partner. We met at the home of a mutual friend, and there was instant attraction. Two days later, he asked if he could come see me. I told him my kids were home; I wanted to see him, but wanted to stick to my resolution. But ultimately he showed up anyway. I introduced him to my kids, told them he was there to watch a movie and would probably go home afterward (even though he lived two hours away), and sent them to bed. He didn't go home; the next morning when the kids got up, he was sleeping on the couch. They didn't seem to mind. I did.

A few days later, he called and said he'd been talking to his sister, a single mom who was dating a single dad, and she'd recommended that we not bring him around the kids for at least a few months, because otherwise it might confuse them. He and I agreed that we would wait a while before he saw the kids again. But it didn't work out that way. Our relationship moved at warp speed, and because of the distance we live from each other there were times that he was only able to see me during the week, when he had days off. When my kids were home. So they got to know him and he got to know them sooner than I would have liked, but it was clear that with him, it was the right thing to do. Now, nearly eight months after we met, we're planning to move in together, and my kids consider him their "half-dad", as my older one puts it.

So in terms of when you should meet your Mr. or Ms. Right's children, I think there are too many factors to give one answer. But whenever you meet them, the decision should be based in small part on your own comfort with the idea, and in large part on their comfort and their knowledge of their children.

Dating a single parent isn't easy. But if you respect that they have children, honor their boundaries, and allow for the unexpected, it isn't as complicated as it seems.

KarennaC
KarennaC
612 Followers
Please rate this story
The author would appreciate your feedback.
  • COMMENTS
Anonymous
Our Comments Policy is available in the Lit FAQ
Post as:
Anonymous
8 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
A couple of points

I married my wife roughly 3 years after her divorce and as a single mother of 2. I realize every situation is a bit different but here's my advice.

1) To echo what some others have said, as the single one you have to accept that the parent's children come first. So is it written, so shall it be.

2) Parents, after you've gotten to know the other person (but within a reasonable amount of time, let them meet the kids. Give them a chance to see you in action and understand the relationship but also give them a chance to meet the kids so they can start building one with them. If they can't handle the kids or vice versa, best to know sooner than later.

3) Both the parent and the non-parent needs to be upfront and honest. Otherwise, you're both wasting your time.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
Why not how is a better question,

I cannot see why I would want as KK said - a package deal. - Having avoided children until now I have no interest in other peoples. Having said that I have dated a couple of single mums who were equally clear and up front in our mutually limited expectations. It does not need to be complicated nd its easy to accept that the kids come first for her as long as I am not expected to be bothered by them. -- UK CYNIC

PrincessErinPrincessErinabout 15 years ago
Well written

Not something that I have to deal with but a very good article just the same.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
This is excellent advice

I'm now married to a wonderful lady with 3 children: 23, 21 and... 10. I met her five years ago, which means the kids were five years younger than noted above. The first time we met, she came to my house, and we had a drink, and dinner. Nothing else happened. After two weeks I met her older children. A few weeks later, I met the youngest (who lives with her dad). It all worked out beautifully: we took it easy at first, but it was always made clear to me that the children came first, no matter what! Guys, you have got to accept this: to a woman, her own children ALWAYS are more important than you are, no question. Live with it. Imagine if you had your own kids full-time, for whatever reason, and your girlfriend complained you didn't have enough time for her... it would piss you off, right?

KarennaC, this is all very good advice. Nicely done. Good luck in your relationship!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
As a single mother

I don't understand your essay. It's no surprise things fall apart the first time a man you've been dating for a considerable length of time finally sees you in Mom-mode, you're going to appear a very different person when you're with your kids. What's more, how can you possibly expect a man to make a massive commitment to you without first getting to know your kids. Why would you want him to? I put a good deal of effort into ensuring that my kids know that it takes a lot of dates before I decide that a man I'm dating is going to become my boyfriend so they should expect him to be around for a while before that happens. Is this irresponsible of me to risk them becoming attached and then be upset that they can't see him anymore? Perhaps, but how warped would their views of adult romance become if they didn't get to see the relationship evolve from early dating to full on commitment? I don't think it would be healthy to introduce them to The Man Mommy's Going To Marry the first time they meet.

One thing I agree with is expecting a man to be more understanding of my limited availability and the increased number of cancellations I'm going to issue, but I state this at the start and explain the high priority my children have in my life. I end up going on fewer dates and certainly have more men decide not to date me at all than I used to, but what is the point of starting to date a man, no matter how much I like him, if he's not going to be willing to deal with these issues?

Also, I was shocked that you think a man should offer to pay for babysitters! Regardless of how modern the world has become, men still pay for most of the food and entertainment expenses of dating. Do you expect him to buy you new clothes, shoes, pay for hairdressing and other date preparations you have? I don't think many women expect that and these are things he gets to appreciate when on a date, so just like it's your toes getting the pedicure they're your children and the babysitting costs are yours.

Despite all these rules you seem to be espousing to keep your children separate from your romantic life, by your own admission the only relationship that you mention that has worked out for you is the one where you broke all the rules and had him meet and spend time with your children from day one. I suspect that this has something to do with it's success.

Show More
Share this Story

Similar Stories

A Busty Holiday with Mr. Johnson My boyfriend's dad can't get enough of my huge, natural rack.in Mature
Tips to Save Money A couple of ideas to start saving money.in How To
Honey, I Have a Headache 30 REAL reasons a woman doesn't want sex. in How To
14 Ideas for Valentine's Day What's a single girl to do on Valentine's Dayin How To
Dos and Don'ts Shoulds and shouldn'ts of sex in relationships.in How To
More Stories