- Erotic Poetry
- Morning with Meliha
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Click hereFrom the feathered hair in her groin,
To the curve of her hip,
Where it crashes into her waist,
Under crumpled sheets she slumbers,
Snoring slightly in dawn's ashes—
I just smile.
- COMMENTS
CeliaisAlienaover 13 years agoI was just going to say, before I read the comment below, that "dawn's ashes" gave just the right provocative touch of something suggestively in opposition to the bright, natural imagery before it.
Honey, feathers, curves, waves-- these are all things with very positive, vernal, life-affirming connotations. So I think that "dawn's ashes" gives just that little *kick* of something bitter-- maybe a bit of whimsical world-weariness, or early morning ennui, perhaps-- to balance out the register in what is, obviously, a very smiling, satisfied moment for the speaker. And "ashes of dawn" would sound too portentous, too orotund for the occasion. I think "dawn's ashes" is just the right needed touch, imho!
And justifiably so: "I just smile" wraps it up delightfully.
twelveooneover 13 years agoUnder crumpled sheets she slumbers,
Snoring slightly in dawn's ashes—
The inverted syntax in the line "under..." is highly justified, "She slumbers under crumpled sheets' while more correct, well that just lumbers along doesn't it? Good call. In the next line I want to hear "in the ash of dawn"
Just musing a bit about " dawn's ashes". I am helped by the fact it wasn't "Dawn's ashes", and I didn't have to look for an urn. Now do you really think you deserve 100 for what looks like a mental lapse. You got it, but if there is a reason, I'd love to hear it.
