- Non-Erotic Poetry
- From the marshes to the sea
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Eerie fog clothes the reeds
whispering their secrets
below the Harriers hungry eyes.
Beyond the dunes ships moan,
muffled ghosts
slip soundlessly by the coast.
Long gone the days of wreckers
lured to the rocky shore,
smashed and doomed in the breakers.
Happisburgh lighthouse flashes warning!
Twice on the land, twice on the sea.
- COMMENTS
ishtatover 13 years agoGood atmosphere poem but possibly too many words. It would be still work perhaps without eerie, their, hungry, ships, soundlessly,long, warning.
"Lured to the rocky shore" bugs a bit because I find it hard to imagine marshes and dunes with rocks- my problem! where's a geomorpologist when they're needed?
vrosej10over 13 years agoIt's a cool poem. Got 100 from me and a recommend.
Liarover 13 years agoI have a soft spot for a good maritime poem, and this captures a lot of the coastal feeling and special mystique.
I'd probably trim away the "Eerie" in the beginning, or replace it with something more physically descriptive and less value adding. You don't have to tell the reader about the spookyness of the imagery, it is perfectly shown as it is.
Angelineover 13 years agoI think I agree with 1201 about "whispering" and not sure I'd keep "soundlessly" as "muffled" already suggests that to me, but maybe you want the alliteration there? That single rhyme seems just right to me and the other pairings that use assonance (reeds/secrets) or just similar sounds (wreckers/breakers) work really well, too. Oh and is "Harriers" possessive? Does it need an apostrophe? Not sure, maybe just a plural name... xo
twelveooneover 13 years agoAvoid, reword
whispering = the ing sound here is actually conterproductive
i.e.
Eerie fog clothes the reeds
in secret whispers
or something like that
100
