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Click hereThe dead thing lies there, loudly
its stench caws and caws
until the ground is livid
and squirms, too bad
that dead thing cannot flex
its throat into focused words
that one might hope
to understand
for anonymous
My, my. It sounds a bit like revenge. lol
I'd say no changes what so ever are necessary.. very well expressed.
Sincerely,
Jes_da_man
I like this one. Not sure about the cawing either. I am in the process of writng something similar. Death and pregnancy are recurrent themes with me, so this one is a hit with me.
.....Anonymous! Seething with images and well chosen words.
Tess
I wouldn't change the squirms line. I think there's a real referent there (maggots, for example) but it also works well with the overall image you are conveying. The whole poem does because it's short and vivid and precise.