- Non-Erotic Poetry
- I Weep
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click hereFrantic
A deadline forgotten.
Immovable, with penalties;
unmoved by tears.
Chaotic
Documents strewn.
Irreplaceable, mandatory;
misplaced by neglect.
Broken
Self-confidence lost.
Unreasonably in doubt;
irresolute in judgment.
Bitter
A resentful litany.
Regrettably vituperative;
forget not nor forgive.
Paranoic
All intent questioned.
Impaired, ever suspicious;
despairing of humanity.
Suicidal
Only death is rest.
Illusory, a deception;
inexorably pursued.
I saw but could not touch.
I helped but could not soothe.
I loved but could not save.
I weep.
- COMMENTS
Fatalityabout 13 years agoI love how you captured the emotions one goes through in this sort of situation.
jilliebabout 13 years agoAuthorThe piece talks about the experience of watching someone you love deteriorate mentally over a period of several years, until they finally self-destruct in the end.
The stanzas shows the progressive deterioration of the person's mental state as things got worse over time. Each stanza also talks about actual incidents, albeit vaguely.
Except for the last one, each stanza is written in the third person, as if the writer is trying to act like an impartial observer or a reporter. It's a reflection of how I was handling the situation. I couldn't deal with it, so I switched off emotionally and kept looking at what it was, rather than analyzing why or trying to understand how I felt.
When it was all over, I could finally let myself feel. The last stanza reflects the change in perspective by switching to the first person (I). It visually indicates the change in perspective by moving the italics to the last line instead of the first line -- to distinguish it from all preceding stanzas.
I don't doubt that others can find a far superior way to express the experience, but for now, this adequately captures what I feel.
Thanks for your comments!
JazCullenabout 13 years agoI know I'm no expert with poetry. I am reading because I'd like to learn a little more about it.
Do poets have a style they prefer to write in? Perhaps this is Jillie's style?
I liked reading this because I could feel the emotion behind the words. I had a sense of someone at their wits end, trying to work through a chaotic series of feelings. If that was the intention of the writing then for me it worked!
I am fast coming to understand that people take different things from a poem. Also, it is critiqued in a serious manner, not because someone wishes to deflate the writer but to assist in making them a better poet.
I enjoyed this poem and could relate to it.
twelveooneabout 13 years agoA list of your definitions, and a summation? You are telling. Last stanza 1,2,3 and 4. Good, but the words are not that interesting. Take some time to learn the craft. I voted a 4.
