Open Letter To My Wife

Hey, remember when we used to actually have sex?

Yeah, me neither.

I can't believe it's actually been a year since the last time. Of course, the last time wasn't all that spectacular with you being drunk and all. So, I guess it's really been about 18 months. But, who's counting?

I know you're old. You remind me of that just about every day. But, I have a secret for you....you're not really old. You just ACT old, think old, and want to be old. Hell, if both of us weren't already fixed, you're still young enough to have another baby.

Ah, I remember the glory days, back before you realized that I wasn't going anywhere. Remember the first night we slept together? I do. It was incredible...you must have cum four or five times and I didn't think my balls could produce another ounce of cum ever again. I know you came at least twice from my tongue alone, and at least one after my poor raw dick couldn't get hard any more and I found your vibrator in your nightstand drawer. When I woke up, my dick was so sore I could barely grab it to take a piss and you walked funny for the rest of the day.

And remember our wedding night? You kept us at the reception until almost midnight, despite my obvious desire to get you into the matrimonial sack, so you could show off your gown and your ring to all your friends, and bask in their adoration? Even though we had to be on the road at 6AM to go on that cruise that you just HAD to have for a honeymoon, I spent hours pleasing you. It was almost a repeat of the first night, 'cept by then you'd stopped sucking my dick and swore that "I orgasm better from your tongue." Remember when I finally did get to climb on top of you and sink my dick into your pussy, you were pretty much done for the night and just wanted me to get off quickly? No? Well, I do.

I REALLY appreciate that picture you took of me with your cell phone. You know, the one of me sleeping 'cuz I was fucking exhausted after pleasing your for hours...the one you sent to all your girlfriends titled "This is what I get on my WEDDING NIGHT??" If I'd have known I'd needed proof, I would have brought the video camera and made a nasty little flick of you having your third orgasm from my tongue. Could have made a few bucks in the process, too....I know how anal you get about money.

I do apologize for being a bit grumpy on the first day of our cruise. You looked beautiful, almost angelic, asleep in the passenger seat of the car on the 4 hour drive to the cruise terminal. It must have been the sudden fear that I felt when I realized that I could barely keep my eyes open to see the road that made me so unpleasant. I know, you were rested and full of excitement and energy by the time we boarded, so I can understand when you got miffed because I wanted to take a nap.

What was it...about 6 months into the marriage when you decided that we didn't really need to have that much sex anymore? After all, we were a married couple and everyone knows that married couples don't fuck. Married couples had to spend too much time worried about keeping up with the Joneses, having parties, and all that. I understand, we're BOTH tired after working extra shifts so you can upgrade from the Explorer to the Expedition, and who wants to have sex when they're tired? And, no, no, it's okey -- I loved that little 1997 piece of shit compact car that I drove.

And the kids! How could I forget about the kids! I knew up-front that you had three kids from your previous marriage, but I never expected it to get in the way of our relationship. Your daughter is awesome, though. No, I didn't have the hots for her, even thought she was prettier, sexier, and more pleasant to be around than you. Did you know that before we got married, she suggested that her and I split and live together? Probably not. To be honest, if she wasn't 16 at the time, I probably would have considered it.

I know how important money is to you, and that if we get into a bind the first thing that happens is that your pussy dries out. But your boys...now there's financial cockblock and a half. It's amazing, I've never come across that before in my life. Low bank balance, dry pussy. With that in mind, I would suggest that, to save our sex life, you stop bailing your oldest son out every time he gets into a bind. All it does is make us broke, dries out your pussy, and you have yet another reason to not have sex. The asshole has cost us thousands and thousands of dollars. Hell, it was over $1500 the time he wrecked my car, and over $1000 when he trashed his apartment and then bailed on the lease. And your youngest son....does he have to have EVERY new game console that comes out? Isn't he happy with his Nintendo 64/WII/X-Box/Playstation 2/Playstation 3? Ya know, I've noticed that not only are the consoles expensive, the games that go with them are fucking expensive too.

But enough of that.

Yeah, that last time...that was a fiasco. You got drunk and came to bed naked, pawing me. I would have appreciated it more, however, if it wasn't 2AM on a day that I had to work. After all, fair's fair -- You ripped me a new asshole the times I've tried to get frisky with you in the middle of the night before you had to work. Hell, you shoot me down every time I try to get frisky with you. I'm a little sick of hearing "Oh, my God...that again???"

Even sleepy, I made sure that I pleased you. I wanted you to feel your pussy convulse and make that weird self-conscious moan you make when it does. But I was amazed at how quickly you dried out after you got off. I don't know if it was the alcohol or just that you were sated, but I literally could not get my dick in you. It felt like your pussy was made of old shoe leather and sandpaper.

At least I've gotten real good at jerking off in the bathroom. I know, you didn't know I did that. You were passed out by then.

There's nothing here that's not news to you. We've talked about it...I'm a mature enough guy to know that problems can be solved with discussion. However, it always ends up the same way: You promising that things will get better and me believing you. Hell, the last time you cried. And the Academy Award for Best Lying Bitch goes to....YOU!

You know, even if we can't have sex, there's other things you can do. No, I don't mean blowjobs -- I understand that that particular activity died when we exchanged vows. All I need is a little tease here and there....maybe grab my ass as you walk past me once in a while. Or maybe just lean over and nibble on my ear. Hell, just a saucy little wink once in a while would be nice. You know, the things I do to you. Something, ANYTHING that says "No, our sex life isn't completely and utterly dead."

I've been trying to be good, be faithful. But, I do have to admit that I've cheated on you twice. It was wrong, I know, but I had to have some form of sex or else I would have exploded or killed someone.

The first was Renee...the older blonde woman from my last job. Remember her? She chased me hard...always flirting and making innuendos. I think subconsciously you knew because every time you saw her, you gave her the evil eye. Yeah, she was a little chubby and a little older than me but, then again, so are you. The biggest difference between the two of you is that she LOVES to fuck. And she's a freak...she loves it rough.

Do you remember that night I went to my buddy's house and stayed overnight? Wrong. I was in a motel room with her. I pounded her pussy hard, then she begged me to tie her up and fuck her in the ass. And her tits....they were kinda small, but they were pointy and she loved them treated rough. Before we even started that night, she asked me to bite her nipples and I did -- hard. After it got to the point where I was actually starting to worry that I was going to hurt her, I looked down and saw pussy juices flowing down the inside of her thighs. She was loving every second of it.

I fucked her and fucked her and fucked her, then we both fell asleep exhausted. When I woke up, she was on her hands and knees on the bed, sucking my dick. I didn't waste that hardon...I tied her down to the bed and fucked her from behind for the rest of the morning. Good thing we woke up pretty late in the morning, since she was LOUD. I know we would have woken up the people in the rooms next to us with her screaming "FUCK ME! FUCK ME!".

We'd promised we'd only be fuck-buddies, since she had a boyfriend who had the same sex drive as you. However, when she started getting more and more possessive, I ended it. I didn't want or need a girlfriend, I just wanted someone that wanted to fuck.

I kept track of our sex life after Renee. Do you know how many times you and I had sex between the time I had the fling with Renee, and the next time I was desperate enough to stray? Thirteen. We had sex 13 times in four years, and the bulk of it was during the first year-and-a-half.

I cheated again after I ran into Dawn at the store. I know you don't know her....I dated her two older sisters in high school, when she was about 12. Now she's a hottie in her own right.

It was out of the blue, I was in line to make my purchases and looked at the woman behind me. She was giving me a strange look, and said "I know you from somewhere." I agreed, and after she gave me her name, I knew exactly who she was. I mentioned that I dated her sisters (not at the same time...I dated the older one in my junior year, and the younger one in my senior year) and her eyes lit up.

We ended up having lunch, then somehow ended up at her house. She's got full, heavy tits like you do, but unlike you she doesn't think they're useless appendages. Plus, being more than 20 years younger than you, they don't sag to her belly like yours do. Don't get me wrong, I love your tits. I just get sick of the bored, "can you please finish satisfying your little fetish and get it over with" look that you give me when I play with them and suck your nipples. I must have spent a half hour loving on those beauties, and when I looked at her face, she was in rapture.

We fucked for hours. Except for her oldest sister, she's got the hottest, tightest, wettest little pussy I'd even had the pleasure of coming in. And she LOVED it...afterwards, she told me that her husband had about a 3" dick on a good day. I'm not John Holmes, but I imagine that my 6" dick probably felt like his to her after years of her husband.

We stayed fuck-buddies for a year or so, banging and sucking and fucking and coming at every opportunity. She had no desire to leave her husband, and I had no desire to leave you. But, all good things must come to an end, and her hubby got her pregnant again. When I went to that convention three years ago, she drove up to meet me and we had one last glorious fling. I actually missed the first day of the convention, spending the time with my 3-month pregnant fuckbuddy. There wasn't a piece of furniture in the hotel room that I didn't bend her over to take my dick from behind. She came and came and came, one right after the other. When she left, we both knew that was the last time, and we were both ok with it.

And that leads us to today. It's been a couple of years since Dawn, and we've fucked exactly three times. Well, four if you count the last disaster, but I don't.

I'm feeling the itch again. And I'm tired of fuck-buddies. I want someone that desires me and wants to spend hours in bed making each other moan and groan. I want a wife, not a roommate. Failing that, I want a girlfriend.

I'd prefer it be you. If not, that's ok, too.