- Erotic Poetry
- Watching You Cum
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Click hereI yearn for the explosion of your seed
Watching you get closer to the inevitable end
Where you lose the battle for control over your desire
Your breath is ragged
I see nothing but the whites of your eyes
Stroking faster
Your cock growing wetter, harder, more insatiable
Up and down, your hips going wild
Your balls tighten up to your body
The moans catching in your throat
You want to cum
The heat of your passion is a scent
Seeing the muscles in your arms tense
Faster, harder, wetter still
Your cock head engorged with blood
You hold your breath
The body goes ridged
One last stroke
Your passion expelled
The spurts reaching your chest
1...
2...
3...
4...
The last drops trickle out
Finally you breathe a sigh of relief
Rubbing the cum into your tired cock
Your head hung down in sexual exhaustion
Oh, how I love to watch you cum!
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 12 years agoThe point of a poem is to create an image in the mind of the reader to show what it is you want us to see. This tells, not shows us what is going on at all, and thus isn't really poetry at all.
Try to think, for example in terms of a metaphor for what you are relating. As it stands this is about as erotic as a shopping list. You can and will improve a lot.
I haven't scored it because I prefer to offer honest comment rather than silly scores.
Fish_Talesover 12 years agoWell done BBJ. You had the courage to put it up and now you can really get to work. In my opinon, it probably needs more work, but it was still ok. The more you do it, the better you'll get. Congrats!
Lucas13over 12 years agoThe imagery didn't do it for me. The tense was a bit odd and seemed to shift back and forth at times. Some of the phrasing (Oh! How I love to watch you cum!) was gratingly sophomoric, at best, and needs improvement. Keep on trying and you'll get better with time.
I suggest you read some of Selena_Kitt's poems for reference. She is excellent.
