I Forgive You

Dear Lovelorn,

One of the most important lessons, I believe, you learn when you have been hurt and betrayed, is forgiveness. It may seem overly simplistic, but many times the real message is the simplest one. We - men and women, create complexity to hide the fact that we want to do - what we want to do. When my head is clear, and my mind is not cluttered by infatuation, romance, anger, boredom, loneliness and pain, it is easier to remember that life's struggles can be organized into categories which help you identify their origin. The categories, in simplest terms, are good vs evil and order vs chaos you could even add light vs dark. Though the struggles can be very complex and sometimes painful, as you look at your life and the choices you make ask yourself, are these feelings of (insert spiritual philosophy here) for me, a Roman Catholic, it is God? At my core, in my soul do I feel good about what is happening and is the path clear?

Conversely, when I am actively engaged in living my life, it is important to ask yourself, "am i indulging in or excusing behavior (in myself or others) that is not good? am i indulging in or excusing activities (in myself or others) that create chaos?" Evil and chaos are distractions, their purposes are to challenge you away from God's plan for you. His plan may be complex, difficult, time-consuming and painful, but it will NEVER be evil, dark or chaotic. In fact, many times it is beautiful, fun, exciting, thrilling and wonderful. You don't have to make excuses for God's plan because it is intuitive.

That means it should FEEL right, familiar, in ways that cannot be faked or beguiled - we are given free will but we are also given the ability to KNOW when we stand in God's light. When you have to duck, hide and maneuver, argue, make excuses, lie, hide, convince, persuade to feel God's presence - When there is chaos, confusion, suffering, you are fooling yourself or being fooled. So look out for those things in your future, and when you see them understand that you are moving away from your path. If a person or persons are at the center of these feelings and actions you are actively being pulled from your path.

So how do you find your path and stay on it? I'm not sure, maybe we can help each other with that one. I believe the more you are at peace, meditate, open yourself, question your motives and get to the core of who you are - without harming or limiting others the closer you are to the answer. When you find yourself wandering off the path, fight like a tiger to get back on it. Partner with a true friend (don't forget God is always a willing and true friend), who you know has a pure heart and an open mind; work together for each other. Remind each other that you need them to fight temptation and bad habits to find the true light and get back on your road to spiritual fulfillment. The problem with distractions is that they usually hide a mess, that you made. They are people and activities you allow into your life that prevent you from what you are supposed to be focusing on to grow.

Your willingness to turn a blind eye, and place these distractions above your course is a symptom of your issue not others. Many times we run from our own fulfillment, our destiny because we don't feel deserving, we have to fight these feelings of insecurity and improve our self esteem. We have to stop trying to fix others, our lovers, husbands, children, siblings, and friends. When you are hurt and betrayed by another person again and again it is because you refuse to acknowledge your own limitations, not theirs. You cannot fix people. You can help those who truly want to be helped, appropriately, but you cannot fix them. It is counter productive to be angry or demonize them or blame them for the years YOU chose to spend trying to solve problems too immense for you in the first place.

When someone harms you - when YOU allow someone to harm you, you must forgive them and you must forgive yourself. Because until you do so, the source of your pain, anger and frustrations will DISTRACT you from your purpose. All of those negative feelings and emotions pull you away from the inner-peace, love and wisdom you need to follow your path. You cannot maintain an open heart and mind, when you are focused on anger, confusion, desperation and pain.

To help yourself grow, learn and become more self aware you must let go of the people who create those emotions. As you do, you let the feelings associated with the betrayal and pain go too. It seems hard, but it is much, much easier than you would imagine. The reason it is easy is because when you release the feelings and forgive the person you release them into God's hands. The truth is there is nothing YOU can do for a person who has so little self respect and integrity they would so egregiously harm a person who only wanted to love and cherish them. That person is a tortured soul who requires the direct, powerful, imminent intervention of God's love. All you can do is forgive them and pray they find the ability to accept God's grace. But you are not omnipotent nor do you have the power, ability or wisdom to do what God's plan has not yet seen fit to do - intervene. In truth your absence from their life may be a part of God's plan for them. There is but one thing for you to do, stay in your lane. YOU need to be humble, and YOU need to understand that any intervention you make is misplaced arrogance. Arrogance because you knowingly and willingly move away from your path to solve problems that you are not equipped to fix.

The distractions of FIXING people beyond your realm only serves to remove your focus. Your focus must remain on the thoughts, prayers, activities, actions and behaviors you are truly meant to have in this life. And your focus on others, with such serious, self inflicted problems, prevents you from being there to assist those meant for you who walk your path with you. They are your family, children, true friends and your true soul mate. Honor God by honoring yourself - allow yourself to forgive completely and remove yourself from those preoccupations because until you do so your focus is not of God, and not for God, it is for yourself and your pride and ego.

So I say - Forgive, but most importantly remove yourself and those you care about from the person who has proven they are not worthy of you, NOT a part of your path, other than to illuminate your pattern of attraction for distractions. Learn the LESSON - don't stray from your path to satisfy your pride and ego. Find the goodness, peace and order that will move you to the next level. I truly believe we can all find spiritual growth, but first we must work on ourselves, personally, professionally, intellectually. When you see an aberration for what it is and stop reacting to your life and reacting to the the lives and actions of others you begin to understand your path, where you are meant to go - God will help you discern how to get there. Remember reacting always put you at a disadvantage because you are constantly on the defensive. You are living your life based on another person's actions, plans and goals, not your own.

You have such incredible potential, but when you limit your opportunities with distractions, you stay busy rather than focused. A person who is self aware is one who knows where they are going, understands their limitations are merely opportunities to grow and has a vision and a tactical plan to achieve his or her goals. A person with a strong, realistic, vision for his or her life has the equipment to fight and reject distractions, they fight with their sense of purpose and resolve, with the surety that they on walking on the one path in this universe meant for them. It may intersect with others but it is theirs alone. That road is clear of diversions, and a pure heart and open mind are what is needed to stay true to the course When someone harms you - no matter how deliberate, how painful how egregious, See it for what it is - an opportunity to illuminate YOUR flaw, a chance to regain your footing, a bright light shining on your mistakes so you cannot overlook them and hopefully not repeat them.

This was NEVER about them, they were merely a vehicle used to help you see what you need to overcome to grow. Pray for them, place them and their problems into God's hands, forgive them and remove them from your life so you may live as God intended you live.

DEDICATION: Chocolate