- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Nagasaki Caress
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runs its fingers
through her streaming hair,
gently stripping away
her flesh clothes,
painting her portrait
as a shadow
on a forgotten wall.
- COMMENTS
Angelineover 11 years agoI think the fact that the poem is so spare and to the point really works for you here. Words like "caress" and "gently," to me, help underscore the horror of the subject. I'm not sure "flesh clothes" is the best way to put this image: it seems a bit awkward to me. I might have said "clothes, flesh, bones/painting..." but that is just one opinion. Also not sure about "forgotten." Is it really forgotten? Or would something like "nameless" maybe work better?
Thank you for sharing this poem. Like I said, it's a powerful read.
HarryHillover 11 years agoAtomic death art... how avant-garde Painting supplies and models must be hard to find ...did vote
twelveooneover 11 years agowhether that shadow is grist
for the gallows
poem
that wall is not forgotten
also agree about the use of gently
didn't vote
demure101over 11 years agoIt surely also paints it like a flash of lightning on your retina.
I wonder about the gently, though.
