- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Frost in the Suburbs
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Frost in the suburbs. There's a brilliant sun
to set the houses off against blue sky,
their ordered quiet slightly overdone,
a little lifeless. And as I drift by
along the road nobody comes my way
and there's no traffic in this spacious street,
no hawkers, shoppers, children at their play,
no postmen, even – all the life I meet
is one old dog that slowly ambles past
and shocked by my appearance starts to bark
as if it owns the place, that seems aghast
as two outsiders overstepped their mark.
- COMMENTS
DawnJabout 11 years agoIs the old dog the only "old dog" there? And why is the dog shocked by his appearance? Is it the way he looks, or the fact that he's there when the dog didn't expect anyone to be? Aside from the scene you describe, I find your word play delightful!
twelveooneabout 11 years agoof unclarity
And as I drift by...
as two outsiders overstepped their mark.
who is the other beside you
But when I look ahead up the white road
There is always another one walking beside you
Gliding wrapt in a brown mantle, hooded
I do not know whether a man or a woman
—But who is that on the other side of you?
five ed
greenmountaineerabout 11 years agoThis is where rhyme does work IMO. This is light-hearted but more than light verse.
I love the way "And as I drift by" and "all the life I meet" knit the 3 stanzas together, although I might have left out the "And" knowing full well the meter would be compromised. "As I drift by" then I think would have tied together what preceded it (a little lifeless) even with the pause as well as what followed it (along the road). Visually that's not apparent because of the period after "lifeless." However if it were recited, I think that light-heartedness I mentioned would have had greater emphasis.
