Escape To My Safe Place

They were such cruel boys, my foster brothers
It started off as mean pranks
They took the few things I had and hid them
They burned the only pictures I had of my family
They frightened the horse I was on and I ended up with broken bones
Weeks turned into months
Months turned into years
The routine never changed
The only thing that changed was that I was older
And they were crueler
They snapped my bra and made crude remarks
I let it slide off- I didn’t have the energy to fight over small things
The family went into town one weekend
I was left alone with them at the farm
They cornered me in the stables
“What do we have here?”
“It’s the girl no one wants bro!”
“What should we do to her?”
They chucked as they pulled my hair.
“Should we show her what it is to be wanted?”
They touched my cheek.
“Stop it. Leave me alone.
I swatted their hands away.
“I don’t know. She doesn’t seem to want to be wanted. What do you think?”
“It’s just because she doesn’t know how good it feels. If we show her she will change her mind, won’t you girly?”
“I said leave me alone. I’ll tell you dad and mom.”
“I seriously doubt that you would but even if you did they wouldn’t believe the orphan over their own two precious sons.”
I stood up from milking the cow.
I started to run from the stable.
They tripped me.
I feel to the ground.
Their hands crept all over me.
I tried to pull away but they were too strong for me.
They ripped my clothes off.
Their fingers moved inside of me.
They looked at each other and smiled… wicked smiles.
I felt the pain.
I screamed and kicked but to no avail.
They were too strong.
My hands were pinned to the floor.
The oldest laid himself on the ground.
They pulled me up so I was on top of him.
In one thrust his cock is buried in me.
I cried, I bit, I scratched… it is of no use.
“You win, you win! Just let me go. You are hurting me.”
I pleaded with them.
They just laughed.
The younger of the two shoves himself into my mouth moaning.
My hands are tied together with a rope.
Together they moved in me.
“Ride me girly.”
They laugh and groan.
They roll me over and spread my legs wide.
The older sits on my face, his hand in my hair, his cock in my throat.
The younger pushed himself inside of me
I could hardly breathe.
Gagging for air, weeping, begging them to stop.
The only way for me to deal is to go out of my body…
I go to the safe place in my head.
I switched off all responses.
I become immune to the pain and feel nothing but numbness and emptiness.
It is a self preservation technique I’ve learned over the years.
I stayed this way for I don’t know how long.
I drifted in and out of consciousness.
Tried to concentrate on other things.
Tried to block out the crazed faces.
Tried to ignore the voices taking pleasure in what they were doing.
I stopped struggling hoping it would help to get it over and done with.
It goes on for what seems like an eternity.
They finally get off, jerking their cocks and coating my face with their cum.
They smile, get up, throw my ripped clothes at me, and walk away.
I lay there, curled up in a fetal position trembling and terrified.
I felt so dirty and disgusting.
Eventually I got up and threw my clothes away.
I immersed myself in the shower for hours, washing and scrubbing.
I tried to get rid of the smell of them, the feel of them.
Then the tears came.
I couldn’t stop crying.
The water ran cold but I didn’t care.
I didn’t want to get out.
I was shivering but I still didn’t feel clean enough.
The thing that got me out was the return of the rest of the family telling me it was time for me to make dinner.
The day turned to night.
I searched for a place to feel safe.
There was no where I could go to feel safe and secure.
Everywhere I went the smell of them lingered.
Their faces were everywhere.
When it was time to go to bed I was locked in my room as usual.
I pushed everything in front of the door, blocking the entrance.
Every little noise in the night startled me.
I heard everything.
I was convinced that they would come back and hurt me again.
I felt so unclean.
I could still smell them on me.
I spent the long night drifting in and out of a restless sleep.
Day followed night.
The morning came and went in a blur.
Days slipped away and soon became weeks.
And every moment of that time I spent hiding in the safe place in my head…