- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Driving South
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Click hereLeaving Burlington for the long drive home.
A good trip, with good business days,
and sweet, loving nights.
Heading south, through Shelburne,
Route 7 stays high on a ridge
To the east the Green Mountains are gray
Peak after high peak, valley and notch
They are deep, divide Vermont, and help define her
Now, with the sun rising just above them,
they look cut out against the sky
To the west are the Adirondacks.
The morning sun, full on their face,
shows the height and the depth of the range.
White peaks, green-gray where there isn’t snow,
they fold away, getting grayer with distance.
Below them, Lake Champlain is cold in her valley.
The location is exquisite.
Suspended between beautiful places
Different ways might be chosen,
Different choices may beckon me.
But for now I’ve chosen to go home .
- COMMENTS
Tsothaover 10 years agoYour text painted a very clear image in my head of these two ranges to the west and east, and the lake in the valley, and it makes me wish that I could see a picture of it to compare with what I came up with.
Cleardaynowover 10 years agoI think that this is very nearly a very good poem but that it does not quite work.
I think that it works well until the last verse but would need to see these first verses with a changed last verse to be sure. The intent and feelings expressed are irreproachable.
I am happy with the double use of ‘good’ and I think the Lake Champlain single line is an excellent break.
For some reason, I am itching to put a ‘the’ before ‘distance’ at the end of the third verse.
But the last verse. I do not like ‘exquisite’. Not the sound but the meaning and what is carried with the word. It is a word of precise prettiness – say looking down at a landscape from a high aeroplane. But it is inconsistent with the grandeur implicit in the first 3 and a bit verses. ‘Beautiful’ accentuates this as it is too often used casually as a word and is a bit empty as a consequence.
The repetition in the three lines describing choices do not seem to work and seem slightly clumsy. Thus the use of ‘may’. Are you saying that choices ‘may or may not beckon you’ or is it as in ‘we may be getting older’ – and of course we are (I do not know the technical term for this)? Either way it jars. The sentiment is there waiting to be expressed. A little reworking and ....
As always, my opinion only.
It is your name, when I see it on the new poems list, that gives me the warmest feeling of anticipation.
DevotedWifeover 10 years agoThank you for reviving my early memories of vacationing/ traveling in this area, not far from my childhood home. I learned to swim in Lake George (it was either that or freeze).
I have just discovered your poems. As you've said in your poem “In Too Deep” about others' poems, your poems, too, make me want more from you. I think you would be able to write some very touching, beautiful, and erotic stories.
Anonymousover 10 years agoI was "home" to you... but we must graciously let go of what is not meant for us... no amount of wishing can change reality.
greenmountaineerover 10 years agoWell, OldBear, you may or may not know this, but you're describing a route I've taken too many times to count, the latest being last Monday, inasmuch as Vermont is where I live.
