All Comments on 'The Car Trade'

by BlueFlame6178

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  • 21 Comments
BuzzCzarBuzzCzarover 9 years ago
Sensitive

My initial impression is that you have healthy fantasy to work from and a good imagination. The key will be to translate that to an enjoyable story for those outside your head. Expand on the main characters, lay some groundwork. Work on dialogue. An experienced editor can help with that sort of thing if your ego will accept it. Reading the responses you've put in the comments section, you come across as very thin-skinned and petulant in a story segment that the commentators hit hard and are often personal. Maybe you would be better served by Erotic Couplings, or some other segment?

WoodyKCWoodyKCover 9 years ago
one more loser

Waste

javmor79javmor79over 9 years ago
Disappearing comments.

I have seen several comments in regard to this story, and when I clicked on the story the comments were gone. I'm guessing that the author erased them because they were either rude, demeaning, or unfavorable.

I have read the story and I do see some points that could use improvement. One of the biggest pieces of advice is this: even though this is an erotic website, people rarely want to read a story that is ONLY about the sex. I for one enjoy the conflicting emotions behind a married woman engaging in sex outside of the marriage. Is she cheating or is this something that she and her husband do? If she is cheating, does she regret it or does she have no remorse? What about the husband? Does he feel jealous watching her fuck or is he completely ok with it? What is their relationship like outside of the bedroom? The point is there has to be more than just the sex. That is the difference between porn and an erotic story.

Next piece of advice is this: Any story you put on this site is going to have negative feedback. I've put a few stories on this site and I can't count the amount of emails and comments I've gotten telling me to stop writing. The best thing you can do is to ignore them. By responding to them, deleting their comments, and further engaging them you are doing nothing but fanning the flames. Let the people who hate your story have their right to do so. You will eventually be rewarded with the few people who GET YOU and what you were trying to say. Don't let the detractors win. If you find it difficult to ignore the comments, then turn them off. It would be a better look to not allow comments than to erase all of the negative ones.

Good luck in your stories.

BlueFlame6178BlueFlame6178over 9 years agoAuthor
Thanks!

I do need an editor and some instruction. I'm the first to admit that. I appreciate your insight and direction. I'm not uposed to one and can assure you I'm not thin skinned on a critique of the story or my lack of skills as a writer in the least. I welcome constructive criticism. It's all new. I'm learning and I have opinion too.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Fun and funny.

A great fantasy, and the use of all the corny innuendos made it even more enjoyable.

seekerazseekerazover 9 years ago
No, I haven't submitted a story....

but offer this feedback. The piece reads more like a treatment/outline than a completed work. The characters are very two dimensional, we don't understand them and worse we don't care about them. The story arc needs more development as it is it just goes from one sexual act to another. There is no conflict and, as a result, no conflict resolution just one gratuitous sex act followed by another in a real cartoon universe.

I read the prior comments and was disappointed that you deleted them. What good are open comments when those whom you don't like are censored? Yes there were some personal attacks but Loving Wives is a tough room. If you want to play here, you need to toughen up.

Most of all you need an editor, not just a copy editor but an editor to help you refine the material that you publish. Editor's are worth their weight in gold. Most authors don't attack their critics yet you seem bound and determined to drive your audience away.

So, I'm not a contributing author but I am far more important to you. I represent your potential audience and fan base.

Most likely I won't be back to read any more of your stuff Not my cup of tea but there is no betrayal and deceit , Nothing behind the husband's back. The woman just doesn't seem like a real person, just an object for derision and disdain, a misogynist's dream.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
What are you trying to communicate?

If your goal is to communicate that this couple really really like sex, and the wife likes sex with lots of different people, then its just a recital of promiscuous events. If that is your goal then give yourself a 5. I found the whole concept base and demeaning. Reading about the sexual exploits of people who think sex is just a pleasing physiological response, to be induced at every opportunity, removes all the drama and interest that love, romance, adultery, and deceit convey. To tell us that Jack kills Bill is a murder story, but it doesn't tell us anything of interest about the characters or the act. Some dude and his wife like to go out and fuck other people. End of story. Oh, and here's how the fucking went. If you are fourteen and ignorant of the ways and means of sexual interaction you might find this story interesting. For an adult looking for drama, mystery, pathos, guilt, redemption, something dealing with human character and emotions, your story is empty. I hope this helps.

BlueFlame6178BlueFlame6178over 9 years agoAuthor
Annonymous! Contact me!

Love your critique and I agree! This story is not indepth at all. I wasn't trying to write a novella. I wanted it brief. But I do agree some more background on what the characters were about, what made them they way they are in the story would have helped. Again this is my very first attempt at writing anything outside of copy for a 60 second commercial. I've been conditioned to cut to the chase and sell the product in a minute. So this is new to me. I really appreciate the pointers and I'll try implement that on my next attempt. I really want and need someone to work with me on these things. So if you're willing don't hesitate to drop me a line.

I have no aspirations of becoming a great writer. It's far beyond my capabilities! I'm ADD and dyslexic to boot. But being able to become better at it IS an obtainable goal for me and you comments help.

I appreciate the critique. That is what I was looking for.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
really, this is your fantasy?

Sorry but i just don't understand how this could be a turn on for you.

BlueFlame6178BlueFlame6178over 9 years agoAuthor
Fantasy?

No, it's a short fiction based on a fantasy.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Great story!!!!!

I loved your story. I hardly ever comment on a story here. Look forward to more in the future!

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
the blowback from this would be horrible.

Everybody they know would know about this, you would have guys lined up at your house around the block.What exactly did little dicked hubbie get out of it besides being the laughing stock of the town.

BlueFlame6178BlueFlame6178over 9 years agoAuthor
It's fiction!

That means it's not real. So you decide what "little dicked husband" got out of it.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Well, we can give the author credit for the warning up front but the plot holes are obvious.

Nice try but if you want positive feedback about this fantasy, put this garbage on the real cuckold sites where they/or yourself thrive on this "type" of effort.

thebuffalothebuffaloover 9 years ago

It's not a bad story, but could use some editing and polishing. The characters are a bit flat. In my opinion the dialogue needs a bit of work. It sounds, at least to my ears, absolutely artificial. It doesn't resonate. People don't speak that way. And, yes, good dialogue is damned hard to write.

Keep on writing. That's what it takes.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
re: It's fiction!

"That means it's not real."

<P>

That's very simplistic and superficial. Fiction does NOT mean throwing basic human reactions, logic, reason, etc. out the window. Are we to believe you’ve never read a story or watched a movie and had a “yeah, right” moment? That must be true for your “"That means it's not real" statement to make any sense. You just kept piling on and on until it became a parody of a story instead, well, as story.

<P>

BTW, Pick a tense. You keep switching between present and past.

BlueFlame6178BlueFlame6178over 9 years agoAuthor
It IS fiction

See the post that was left just before I made comment to get proper context. The story is not real. None of the events ever happened and I think it safe to say never have. Not with anyone I know for sure. Any way there was conjecture and scenarios of what happened to the husband and wife or could have happened or should. All up to the reader what happened to them as if the were real. All the consiquences of real life don't always apply in fiction. That's why it's Fiction!

You're absolutely right about the tense changing. I wrote in present tense originally and tried to change it to past. Obviously my lack of editing skills are on par with my lack of writting skills. I missed several places. I was impatient and wanted to post it rather reaching for help from an editor. A mistake I won't make from now on. I'm learning and appreciate the YOUR comments and critique.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Nice story

Five easy stars.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
re: It IS fiction

And your response is STILL simplistic and superficial. Making the comments you seem to have problems with are part and parcel of criticism. Most of your comments could apply to the vast majority of stories, whether here, other sites, professionally written, etc.

<P>

Yeah, it’s fiction, but that applies both ways, negative and positive. It’s not a “get out of jail free” card. It does not absolve you from people questioning the logic and reason of a story.

<P>

Implicit in the “it’s a story” or “it’s fiction” argument is that it’s inconsequential. If “it’s fiction” is your defense, your vehement defense it questionable at best. If you are so thin skinned people calling you on your stories deficiencies, maybe you should reconsider writing at all. The comments you’ve gotten have been mild. I’d hate to see your response it people really let loose.

BlueFlame6178BlueFlame6178over 9 years agoAuthor
Simplistic is the story

And so I'll explain that more since you seem to be curious and have asked twice. I wrote this to be short and concise. It's not meant to be true life or explaine all the "what ifs" that would be associated with a real couple or real people in the real world. All the public ramifications of the events in this story never happened to anyone to the best of my knowledge. Just like when a little boy gets his arm ripped off by a killer clown in the sewer in Steven King's "IT." Or ghosts call upon Scrooge, or Conan has sex with a witch. All of those are great, entertaining full novels that take the time, are afforded to have the time needed, and were created from the start as awesome works of fiction.

This story has only one aspect comparable to those and thousands of other stories. It's fiction. No, I don't consider this little half done work to be in the same universe as far as literature is concerned. I have no delusions of grandure. Only an interest in trying my hand at it a little in my spare time. I wrote a story for a porn site that would probably make a half as script for a porn movie... At BEST

If I were going to truly dedicate my life to writing, I wouldn't be posting any of my work on a porn site like Literotica.

As the creator of the story, I have the freedom to do with what I want to, in happens. I realize some will like. Some won't. And if no one does, that's ok too. The purpose of posting it was to share it and if Someone does enjoy it, Awesome! But also to seek some guidance from more experienced writers on how I can become better. Whatever your opinion of the story is, post it. But be respectful as the guidelines of this sight state. Or I'm given the right and option to moderate as I have and shall continue to do.

Again THANK YOU for the comment and for pushing me to expound upon what I agree was a simplistic answer. I hope I've answered you question. If not, drop me an email and let's chat.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
I liked it.

It's wasn't the typical wife in a bar or at the office story. In fact I liked it because my wife and I are very similar to this couple. We know how to seperate love and sex. And it hit close to home, because she basically did the same thing for a new car. It wasn't at a dealership, but from one of our acquaintances. He had a car she liked but we didn't have ready cash on hand. They worked out a deal where she would go to his house once a month and spend the night. She had the best stories when she came home.

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Born and raised in the south. I have worked the last 30 years in mass communications. I'm also a musician and love to ride my motorcycle.