All Comments on 'Forbidden Fruit Ch. 02'

You tell me your story by using lots of words instead of showing me your story by using description and imagery.

I want to see your characters but I can't see your characters. I want to see what you see as a writer but you don't do that.

Show me what you see instead of telling me what you see. I want to feel what you feel.

If you took the time to develop your characters, instead of being one dimensional they'll become three dimensional. They'll stand up from your page to stand behind you and whisper in your ear what to write next.

Take more time with your stories. Everything you write seems rushed. I feel more panic than I do pain. I don't feel anything from this story other than boredom. Sorry.

I rarely comment or delete these things...But this time I will.

And I get bored as bat shit with modern writing styles that are nothing more than he said, she did. That to me...and my readers, which outnumber you significantly and who are not afraid to put their names on their comments (Freddie)...long for something more.

My style is called free and indirect discourse...and was a hallmark of Jane Austin...not bad company if you ask me. But I did not know that until I took a literature course. It was just what felt right to me...and what spoke to lots of people's hearts.

Now the truth of the matter is that in this shallow world it has lost popularity with publishers...but not readers. The other truth is that on the Internet there is ample room for both. So as my comment said...don't read it...find someone else...cause I don't give a damn...I don't write to please you.

One thing that is apparent about writing, to me anyways, is the depth that can be instilled in a character. In a movie, and in some writing on this site, all you get is what you see. He said, she said, etc. On the surface I'm not particularly fond of this genre because of the pandering stereotypes. I knew this one would be good though because of the author. This story gets inside their heads. It tells you where they come from, what their motivations are. 90% of the time, that's what makes a story for me.