All Comments on 'Mom Was Wrong'

nice...more, god more... this needs closure and more sex.

The story itself is pretty good and the writing is fine as well. There's a number of typos and grammatical errors, a few run-on sentences or broken sentences, which could probably have been fixed with a little more attention to detail or with the help of an experienced editor.

The dialogue was mostly solid, but there were a few bits of it that didn't seem to fit or didn't ring true to the character speaking. Some golden opportunities for more character development were missed, especially with the scene between Peter and Luke- Uncle Luke should've gotten punched, IMHO.

The ending, though, was the most jarring thing. I certainly wouldn't have ended it like that, with Peter and Jackie simply shrugging off Jenny's tirade like it was inconsequential. I dunno... I liked the story, but I honestly feel that you could've done worlds better with it if you'd invested just a little bit more time and patience.

But, like I said, the writing was pretty good for the majority of the story. I'll definitely want to see more from you in the future!

When Jenny calms down, have her join in for some bi-fun.

I will write a second part of this story. If you you want a heads up when it will be published, e-mail me.

Thanks again for the constructive criticisms. Sadly spell checks and rereads don't catch it all. I will move on to one of the editors on Literotica, and then it will be their fault if there is a mistake..hehehe :)

Natasha xxx

Your writing is improving.

Jackie, as you've written her, is a real piece of work. The main motivation that stirs her is simply to prove her mother wrong. She cares nothing for her mother's feelings, and my impression was that she is the same to others as well; it's an "I want what I want and I don't care who it hurts" attitude. Manipulative, and if not cold, at least very conflicted emotionally. Indeed, the one comment she let slip shows she holds a real grudge against her parents about the boy she was sucking off. As if her goal to seduce her father is revenge for the boy her mother drove away. "You hurt me, bitch, so I'm hurting you back!" I could see her becoming a black widow very easily.

Jenny seems almost asexual. Other than the blowjob for her husband, there is friendliness, even comradery, but no sexual tension between her and Peter. Many things can go wrong in relationships, but one of the most sad and cruel is differences in libido. She is concerned about her husband enough to talk to him openly about what she sees, but not enough to follow up her objections to what's going on with giving him any sexual outlets. She services him once out of love, but is uninterested in any satisfaction for her self. Spineless Peter, for his part, has simply dealt with the lack by surfing internet porn and presumably masturbating in private.

As the characters have been written, I don't see Jenny doing any three-way. She may turn a blind eye to it like she did with Luke's abuse, especially if it stops and goes no further. More likely she will separate if not divorce Peter. Peter, for his part, apparently only has enough blood for one head at a time. Neither he nor Jackie are doing this for love but for simple lust (Jenny described it as a "hungry look").

It's officially a train-wreck and the train hasn't finished crashing yet.

Nice character study, sad tale. Good luck finding an editor!

Up, down, yes, no. It flops around like a fish out of water. And then the father and daughter are oddly nonchalant at the end.

This could have been a decent story were not it so poorly written and 2 1/2 times to long. No way to sugar coat it or offer constructive criticism.

I liked that the daughter wasn't one dimensional and some boring typical girl just obsessed with dick. I've never read a story here where a girl forgets about fucking whoever, has a nice time with someone else then fucks the object of the story because the opportunity came up. That's legit how girls are irl. So if that was intentional, well done.

Just don't have 'it'. More practice maybe. Should be embarrassed at putting that out there.

...atrocious writing!

Next time, perhaps you should use a word processor to sort out errors and have someone proof read your work. The story was well written with good character development. The ending felt a bit cut off, and the characters seemed to have changed in temperament slightly at the end. Otherwise, it a good read. 4/5

Really, a great story, quite flawlessly written and produced. The characters are well versed and adeptly had great dialogue with each other, and performed exceedingly well spoken.

Mother Jenny is more than always suspicious of her husbands intentions, even before he had any designs on their daughter. It might have been her suspicious nature due to allowing her uncle to fuck her when she was twenty years old, or she could feel that maybe she had some short-comings with keeping her husband Peter happy!!

Father Peter did finally begin to (half) fuck his daughter Jackie several times, but wimped out and never completed the manly, natural incestuous fucking of his daughter deep and leaving her filled with a cunt full of his baby-makers (though she is on the pill). He lost any respect from this reader!

What a lucky man. Wish I had a daughter to fuck

Although I first read this story almost three (3) years ago, August 2013, I still realized an amount of thrill and sexual agitation from another reading. As far as I'm concerned the story seems to have more appeal than before; Jackie now seems to have greater feelings for her father, Peter, than before. Her appreciation of her incestuous affair with her father seems more satisfying to her--to the degree than she could expect her and her father to have more mating sessions, even to not caring that her mother Jenny now knows her husband and her daughter are in the throes of being lovers! From the male perspective, Natasha needs to know that males like for the sex act to be completed.....just as nature expects, with the "maker's of babies" cum doing the job that nature intended, filling his mate's pussy full to the brim!! Nothing does more to give a guy a limp dick than for the male to not unload as far into his mate's pussy as is possible! The writer, Natasha, has the abilities to be a better, more disciplined writer of incest; her efforts thus far has displayed as much! Thanks for a very good story, but remember to have the male finish his deliver of his cum loads as deep into his daughter's pussy as is manly possible!!