All Comments on 'Welcome to the Gym...'

Surely there is more?

"Should have went.." Your grammar and punctuation are horrible. "He/she thought to him/herself." is very bad form. Your point of view jumps back and forth and you have quotation marks for all thoughts and dialogue. What a mess. How can "bouncing breasts" be moving "ever so slightly"?

"I think she knew he liked her." Who is speaking here? If Mike works there, why is he so surprised at the number of machines? He never noticed them?

"The bathrooms and the showers the bathrooms were very private. The showers were private as well." What? Get an editor. Or an education. Jesus.

This is a story of a readymade seduction. He knew he was going to score, & she knew she was going to have her way with him. Thats what counts. Whats said, & the english used doesn't mean shit. Its if they each get what they want that counts.

And they did!! Just read, fantazise & enjoy the story.

I did!!

"Whats said, & the english used doesn't mean shit. Its if they each get what they want..."

Yes, it really does mean something. Not only does it determine whether the writer is successful in conveying his intended meaning to the reader, it says a great deal about his education and intelligence, as well as whether he cares at all about his work. A great story can be wrecked completely by clumsy writing, and even by sloppy spelling and grammar.

It's not that much more difficult to do it well.

Do we need more garmmer police? Please, unless the story is completely unreadable, keep your comments to yourself. If you really want to make a difference be an editor and also have a username. Hiding behind the veil of anonymity is cowardly and counterproductive.

I liked the story regardless of the preordained outcome or lack of punctuation! Write some more and you will get better at it.

The writing is enthusiastic, if not sophisticated. But the story is fun, well paced, and definitely erotic. I'll be watching for the next chapter.

Looking forward to future chapters. This was entertaining.