All Comments on 'Kid Sister: Spa Retreat'

by mutepenguin

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mutepenguinmutepenguinover 9 years agoAuthor
Autor's Question

Please comment on this piece. What is less enjoyable about this one versus the other two. Is it the main character? Is it the sex scenes? Is it the details? Please let me know. The fact that it is scoring so much lower than the other two in the series means that I did something something wrong with this story by comparison. Constructive criticism is needed for me to improve my work.

Thanks for any support.

P.S. If you like it please rate it highly, so that it will make up some ground on the score.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Felicity

If I had to pick a reason the first two were better its Felicity. Now Melissa turning into a little slut is enjoyable too.

Jedd11Jedd11over 9 years ago
since you asked

OK, here we go. First, I haven't checked to see if you did other stories, so I don't know if you have, or are willing to, write incest. If you're looking for ratings, there's a reason it's one of the biggest genres on the site. And you implied, even if you didn't mean to, that Melissa was considering it when she kept taking notice of her mom"s body. Also, you closed the story too abruptly. After the first two, which I do beloeve were better, you owed the reader more. If she cheated again, there should not be a "I never told him" aspect to it. She told him before, he knows she has that tendency, she should tell him again. And his escapades with her family can't possibly be kept secret either. He will be found out, so he should just find a way to break it to her. Ideally, imho, after a good buildup, he should be the 'family man' if you get my drift. Just my opinion, but I think it would help ratings. Good luck.

DegausserDegausserover 9 years ago
Amazing

I actually thought that this was the best one of the three so far. I'm not really fond of the Mother character as I feel there hasn't been a lot of character development with her. I thought Melissa was written beautifully and that scene with Paulo was fantastic. It managed to be not just sexy but sensual in a way that was not only arousing but interesting to read.

I felt the scene with the two kids were a bit rushed and badly written in comparison to the scene with Paulo. There wasn't enough detail and I feel that there wasn't enough time really dedicated to that scene which also could have been amazingly hot. I did think that Melissa was fantastic throughout.

I really enjoyed this story and am glad I have favourited you as an author as I think you're doing really well! I'd love Melissa and Ben to go to a sex club at some point and enjoy people together!

RogueAlanRogueAlanover 9 years ago
enjoyed it!

looking forward to more.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago

I kept waiting for Mom to take the kid in her ass, but she never did. It's not like she could do her S-I-L's big cock but The Kid would have had an amazing time. and Mom would too. Daughter might have been shocked but hey, Mom could teach her a thing or two.

davebccanadadavebccanadaabout 3 years ago
I guess you asked for it

In the first installment your error rate was almost (if not totally) zero. In the second and third parts you should do an edit. There are many errors in them almost to the point of giving up on the piece before I finished the second one, but I persevered and am glad I did. I really enjoyed this one in spite of the distraction of the errors. I think it's all in the editing. Perhaps you hurried the last two too much. I think I would enjoy another one with these characters. Hang in there, at least you're giving us something to read. Thanks for that.

AnonymousAnonymous3 months ago

Masseur for male

Masseuse for female

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