All Comments on 'Submission: A Primer'

I was with you except the point of instructing to tell. You tossed out that bomb then glossed over it. My brakes are still screeching and smoking. You need to address that.

pm, i agree with the previous commentator up to the question "the point of instructing to tell.". I think that reader misunderstood and thinks that you the master/trainer are commanding the sub/trainee to reveal themselves publicly.

I do not agree that was your intent. What i understand from your wording. is that you, the master/trainer would ask the sub/trainee to consider to whom (trusted person singular) they would eventually be willing to talk to, reveal themselves to.

i think i understand your intent. That this is one of your methods as master/trainee to gain an understanding of the sub/trainee thinking process.

i am just not sure how well such a revelation would assist, this early in the training cycle.

Than again, it could be a valuable safety measure. if the sub/trainee should have a breakdown, be in serious emotional distress. Knowing who they trust enough to tell their secrets, would be the person to call for help. Perhaps?

It's sums it up for what I am looking for..

As a girl I had no ideal what this fire and need was growing inside me. I was very strong willed and independent, but wanted to please. I survived an abusive grandfather and stepfather, who beat that Hell and a loving independence from me, every friggin day. There was very little help in those days so I left at 15 yrs. I had a boy friend at 18 and 19 then met my husband at college, married at 22 had 3 great kids, a loveless and bitterly abusive marriage, horrible, hateful one sided sex, not one natural orgasms EVER and blamed myself for all that was wrong. I stopped caring about what may have been my true nature even after my divorced 34 years later. No flings or affairs, just continued to work hard and make sure kids were fine. Ignorance is Bliss, so I had no reason to look deeper and at the time didn't even think I deserved to do anything for me, besides I was really just too afraid. Time took it's toll and nature has one Hell of a Sense of Humor. Why on Gods Earth would I now struggle with a submissive need, so strong, it dominates my life like nothing else had in all these years. There is no one to confide in, and I truly feel the weight of the want and desire for a Dominate/submissive life style has awakened much to late to be acted upon. Reading your information made my body scream but my head still fights it. Oh God, how I wished and fantasised about being with some one like you when I was younger. Male Dominates, like most men, would likely choose to be with a young woman needing guidance and that my friend is just reality, hurt as it may. I really hope your information and teachings are read, appreciated and acted upon by those in need, but I truly hope you are who you say . I have read a few things now but something about you moved me so very deeply and I'm not sure why. I think I can imagine a different life, had I not been so ignorant and hell bound to take care of it and pretend to be normal. I nurture by nature and feel submissive to my core. Sorry if it sounds like a pity party but I've never confided this to anyone and now I'm just going to put it out there, Scary!! I don't think I can send this to you privately Mister Marwood, I mean I wouldn't be anonymous anymore, Would I,? Thank You so much Sir. be well...... Kimberlee

I read and agreed with most of your words. Reading them left me flustered. I still find it hard to admit that being submissive and talk of domination turns me on. I have not been abused. I am the product of a reasonably loving and liberal household. I am a strong minded, intensely stubborn, intelligent 37 year old woman. I have 2 kids, the youngest is 17months. It has been a long hard journey but I recently arrived at the mental and physical admission that I love to submit in the bedroom.

I haven't had a lot of partners physically, only 3 with full sex. 2 of them were long term relationships. The first, the man/boy 6 years older than me was also inexperienced at sex. For various reasons our sex life was unhappy and due to not knowing enough about our own bodies, desires or those of each other coupled with a complete inability to talk openly about it led to a very unhealthy place sexually. Because I thought I was incapable of enjoying it, I was incapable. .. sex and sexual enjoyment are very mental. I, well I let him use me in the end, I gave up hope of ever enjoying it and he didn't make the attempt to fix it... so we just kind of stumbled along, he didn't enjoy sex with an unresponsive sack of potatoes as it were. So we ended up barely ever doing it and me dreading it when it did happen. Part of the issue was in fact that he was simply too big for me, which isn't helpful when you're not being stimulated enough to get wet properly. His foreplay was inadequate and my own fears got in the way. Despite this I loved him deeply, in most respects he was everything I wanted, caring, intelligent, looks did it for me. He loved me desperately, which I also need/needed especially at the start as my parents were breaking up. We were together 7 years and in all that time I am sorry to say I don't think I came properly once. At points my self esteem and mood were so low with regards to sex that I could no longer see that I was desirable or have desire myself. And I was a hot 22 when I eventually left. It took me a hell of a long time to realise I needed something or someone else. I had a messy affair and the ended up rebounding into the arms of a totally sweet kid who was utterly inexperienced and 6 years my junior. No hope of Master in any of that scenario. Besides I would have run a mile if anyone had suggested pain or dominance. They just equalled abuse in mind for far too long.

I have been with my kind, funny, scarily intelligent, beautiful man for 15 years. In that time I leant a lot about myself. We started out from scratch. The internet helped a lot too. I have talked to amazing people, read an endless amount of filth. Been utterly disgusted by what other people find arousing, and been utterly surprised and at times revolted by what can turn me on. And I think that is a big distinction to make. I can get turned on by all sorts of crap, but that doesn't mean I like them all. Learning what actually made me tick was slow and amazing. I learned to cum, and then I learned to cum in different ways, clitoral, vaginal, multiples, squirting, anal, oral, denial, ordered(in that order if memory serves me correctly). All took a long time. All happened because I wanted them to. Because I had read stuff and was more mentally primed I guess. But my vanilla other half was vital in providing a loving, ever patient hand, tounge, cock or toy to stimulate me. He enjoys playing with me. His totally unthreatening demeanor was vital to gaining my trust.

I admitted that I like to be spanked a long time ago and that was hard enough for my kind, inexperienced and vanilla man to hear. It took him a fair while to be mentally comfortable with the idea of hurting me. It turns out that I don't like an excessive amount of real pain anyway, just enough to sting and leave me warm and red for a while. After a few tentative attempts he got very good at teasing me and making me cum. Yet somehow admitting that I am usually my most aroused when he's taking the lead was an almost impossible admission to make. It took me forever to admit to myself that I like being submissive in the bedroom. That I enjoy the feeling I get when I am devoted to just desire, his and my own. I can't deny the reactions in my body when he does anything that takes control of all of me. Using my hands as if they were his was probably one of the first fairly innocent activities that made me aware that submitting felt unarguably right to me. He just liked to gently hold my hands and trace my shape with my fingers under his. But unknown to us it was still a lesson in submission and trust. Getting to the point where I needed to say the words out loud took a lot. I felt like saying those words would kill me, I was terrified it would be the end of our relationship if we couldn't work it out. And we have had our fair share of problems believe me. But eventually I had to say being submissive turns me on and that I needed him to be my dom.

Eventually after a lot of talking we realised that in many ways he already was my dom and that actually really helped. Once we were both tentatively receptive to the idea and what it might mean for us sexually it was like a switch had been flicked. The fact we were talking honestly and openly about the last taboo areas in our relationship at long last was amazingly healing. We have had a lot of good sex over our time together, but it has drastically improved again with this latest change in dynamic. We are still very much in the early days of our dom/sub relationship but have already managed to achieve such heights of extacy that we could only describe them as approaching tantric in their quality. What has been the key to this? Absolute trust in the honour and kindness of my man. I know he will only push me past my limits to an acceptable amount. I know he will never hurt me. He has no interest in pain beyond my enjoyment of it. He has no desire to rule my life and yet delights in his new domain of dominance. Outside of the bedroom I am usually the one who takes the lead. Being submissive makes me enjoy it more. I have to admit and submit to my own desires, all he does as my dom is make me face them, and sometimes some more of his own. As I say we are in early days.

I wrote this because I want to give other women hope. You can feel like a godess, the sexiest creature alive. You can cum till your knees give up, from a command or the feel of his cock in your mouth. Being bound or gagged can help, but being able to be still because it is expected of you is even more erotic. All these things were once not only alien to me but revolting or shameful. Don't be scared of your desires. Learn them, own them and trust them. Learn about your body and mind, and those of your partner. Masturbate. Practice. Relax. Learn to accept that your man probably loves your body just the way it is, because it is yours and he loves you. Don't ever give yourself completely to someone you don't trust completely. Me and my Mate love each other. Everything we do comes from a place of love and respect and honesty. I am so thankful that I have never had to go through so much of the bullshit ego boosting male dominated extremist crap that seems to so often be depicted in porn to find my submissive freedom. And believe me girls it IS freedom when you submit to the right man.

I read and agreed with most of your words. Reading them left me flustered. I still find it hard to admit that being submissive and talk of domination turns me on. I have not been abused. I am the product of a reasonably loving and liberal household. I am a strong minded, intensely stubborn, intelligent 37 year old woman. I have 2 kids, the youngest is 17months. It has been a long hard journey but I recently arrived at the mental and physical admission that I love to submit in the bedroom.

I haven't had a lot of partners physically, only 3 with full sex. 2 of them were long term relationships. The first, the man/boy 6 years older than me was also inexperienced at sex. For various reasons our sex life was unhappy and due to not knowing enough about our own bodies, desires or those of each other coupled with a complete inability to talk openly about it led to a very unhealthy place sexually. Because I thought I was incapable of enjoying it, I was incapable. .. sex and sexual enjoyment are very mental. I, well I let him use me in the end, I gave up hope of ever enjoying it and he didn't make the attempt to fix it... so we just kind of stumbled along, he didn't enjoy sex with an unresponsive sack of potatoes as it were. So we ended up barely ever doing it and me dreading it when it did happen. Part of the issue was in fact that he was simply too big for me, which isn't helpful when you're not being stimulated enough to get wet properly. His foreplay was inadequate and my own fears got in the way. Despite this I loved him deeply, in most respects he was everything I wanted, caring, intelligent, looks did it for me. He loved me desperately, which I also need/needed especially at the start as my parents were breaking up. We were together 7 years and in all that time I am sorry to say I don't think I came properly once. At points my self esteem and mood were so low with regards to sex that I could no longer see that I was desirable or have desire myself. And I was a hot 22 when I eventually left. It took me a hell of a long time to realise I needed something or someone else. I had a messy affair and the ended up rebounding into the arms of a totally sweet kid who was utterly inexperienced and 6 years my junior. No hope of Master in any of that scenario. Besides I would have run a mile if anyone had suggested pain or dominance. They just equalled abuse in mind for far too long.

I have been with my kind, funny, scarily intelligent, beautiful man for 15 years. In that time I leant a lot about myself. We started out from scratch. The internet helped a lot too. I have talked to amazing people, read an endless amount of filth. Been utterly disgusted by what other people find arousing, and been utterly surprised and at times revolted by what can turn me on. And I think that is a big distinction to make. I can get turned on by all sorts of crap, but that doesn't mean I like them all. Learning what actually made me tick was slow and amazing. I learned to cum, and then I learned to cum in different ways, clitoral, vaginal, multiples, squirting, anal, oral, denial, ordered(in that order if memory serves me correctly). All took a long time. All happened because I wanted them to. Because I had read stuff and was more mentally primed I guess. But my vanilla other half was vital in providing a loving, ever patient hand, tounge, cock or toy to stimulate me. He enjoys playing with me. His totally unthreatening demeanor was vital to gaining my trust.

I admitted that I like to be spanked a long time ago and that was hard enough for my kind, inexperienced and vanilla man to hear. It took him a fair while to be mentally comfortable with the idea of hurting me. It turns out that I don't like an excessive amount of real pain anyway, just enough to sting and leave me warm and red for a while. After a few tentative attempts he got very good at teasing me and making me cum. Yet somehow admitting that I am usually my most aroused when he's taking the lead was an almost impossible admission to make. It took me forever to admit to myself that I like being submissive in the bedroom. That I enjoy the feeling I get when I am devoted to just desire, his and my own. I can't deny the reactions in my body when he does anything that takes control of all of me. Using my hands as if they were his was probably one of the first fairly innocent activities that made me aware that submitting felt unarguably right to me. He just liked to gently hold my hands and trace my shape with my fingers under his. But unknown to us it was still a lesson in submission and trust. Getting to the point where I needed to say the words out loud took a lot. I felt like saying those words would kill me, I was terrified it would be the end of our relationship if we couldn't work it out. And we have had our fair share of problems believe me. But eventually I had to say being submissive turns me on and that I needed him to be my dom.

Eventually after a lot of talking we realised that in many ways he already was my dom and that actually really helped. Once we were both tentatively receptive to the idea and what it might mean for us sexually it was like a switch had been flicked. The fact we were talking honestly and openly about the last taboo areas in our relationship at long last was amazingly healing. We have had a lot of good sex over our time together, but it has drastically improved again with this latest change in dynamic. We are still very much in the early days of our dom/sub relationship but have already managed to achieve such heights of extacy that we could only describe them as approaching tantric in their quality. What has been the key to this? Absolute trust in the honour and kindness of my man. I know he will only push me past my limits to an acceptable amount. I know he will never hurt me. He has no interest in pain beyond my enjoyment of it. He has no desire to rule my life and yet delights in his new domain of dominance. Outside of the bedroom I am usually the one who takes the lead. Being submissive makes me enjoy it more. I have to admit and submit to my own desires, all he does as my dom is make me face them, and sometimes some more of his own. As I say we are in early days.

I wrote this because I want to give other women hope. You can feel like a godess, the sexiest creature alive. You can cum till your knees give up, from a command or the feel of his cock in your mouth. Being bound or gagged can help, but being able to be still because it is expected of you is even more erotic. All these things were once not only alien to me but revolting or shameful. Don't be scared of your desires. Learn them, own them and trust them. Learn about your body and mind, and those of your partner. Masturbate. Practice. Relax. Learn to accept that your man probably loves your body just the way it is, because it is yours and he loves you. Don't ever give yourself completely to someone you don't trust completely. Me and my Mate love each other. Everything we do comes from a place of love and respect and honesty. I am so thankful that I have never had to go through so much of the bullshit ego boosting male dominated extremist crap that seems to so often be depicted in porn to find my submissive freedom. And believe me girls it IS freedom when you submit to the right man.

That's how you do it correctly. X

You have touched a nerve within me. I do believe I am that strong intelligent feminist. Thank you for connecting the pieces in a way I understand.

Thank you for enlightening me.

This was a good read, but there are plenty of opinions put forth as if they were facts. What is and is not a fetish is in the eye of the beholder.

I love this.