All Comments on 'Paradise Lost Redo'

I guess it was okay, but the spelling was awful.

Nice dream, however destroying the house was a crime. Taking all the money would get him reamed out a bit more in divorce court. Running away would only force him to live like a fugitive, why? Who wants to live like a criminal because of a cheating wife? Destroy her reputation, break her down financially, drown her drugged boyfriend in the hotel pool in the middle of the night and leave her on the lounge chair to find him. Get your friends to spin the story back home that she is a crazy bitch. Get them to spread the story that she was also molesting her students. Win in the court of public opinion. Then after a few months or so restart your life.

this was by far the best story, it will only bother the sickos and who gives a fuck about them.

Your spelling is atrocious (farther for father? Really? That's a second grade word) and typos abound.

Yes, grammar nazis the spelling and wrong words was atrocious.

DEAL WITH IT!

This was a breath of fresh air compared to the other garbage that has been posted.

No wimpasscuckold here just a man taking charge.

Fine job!!

Un realistic

Call Me Sparky did a good job, but you did a great job.

Agreed that the original didn't offer enough satisfaction for the narrator. So a reboot of this tale WAS interesting. I admit though, that his revenge in destroying the house seemed more symbolic than effective, and it seemed that the symbolism was wasted on her. I liked that Frank really tried to talk him out of the craziness, and just go for the standard divorce; like others have said, moving on with a clear conscience is a better revenge than being forced to live like a fugitive over a cheating wife. This assures the reader that the author KNOWS that this revenge attempt was silly, but the fun of it is in the writing only. MT, I appreciate what you tried to do, and your efforts were decent. Like I said, this really takes me back to a more "classic" style of BTB revenge, which has been missing around here as of late.

One other thought. Why is it in so many of these stories, is it that menstration is a "no-go" excuse for copulation? So she'd be bleeding a little bit, fuck her anyway! But more than that, why does it rule out recieving oral sex for him, or even anal, or even just some good ole snuggling??? This is never explained why the rag has to shut down ALL intimacy. Meanwhile, I have been having sex with my wife for well over 20 years, whether on the rag or not, with no ill effects. Sure, it takes a little more clean up......may be we leave the bed, so as not to stain sheets. It is ALWAYS a good excuse for us to do it in the shower during these times! But her period has never been a reason to shut down marital intamcy. So it always shocks me when this is used as a device in these stories. If it is some sort of puritanical thing, that doesn't seem to fit alot of the characterizations found in stories that mention this. If it is an "eew GROSS" thing, like I said, there are ALWAYS other options. If anybody can shed light on this, I'd be curious. If authors want to keep using it as a "cut him off from sex" type device, then explain why he accepts it and puts up with it. I know that in THIS story, it was a device used by the original author, and MT kept it in for consistancy. But ESPECIALLY on a sexy holiday, I always felt that this was a huge weakness in the plot. Not so much her TRYING to use it as an excuse, but more the WHY of how she thought it would work, and how she thought she could get away with it! Any thoughts?

MT, thanks again!

gave you a 5

Would have liked a little more dialog

spell check wont check to see if the correct word is used, only that the word used is spelled correctly. You had many instances where the wrong word was used in the story and it was slightly distracting. For one you used the word huge for hung. When you read the story yourself and often mentally read it as you expect it to be instead of how you actually wrote it. The plot is good and I read the original story also.

I guess you can call me a "grammar Nazi" but writing is a craft and one should, at least, understand the difference between to and too. Each mistake takes away from and interrupts the reader's flow.

I don't think that this is an improvement over the original and, when you look at what the guy did to himself, it really isn't even an effective BTB story.

I gave it a to, or maybe a too or even a two.

Bill1104

sorry for the miss use of words and spelling

still a 5

just for the all out revenge

...I really enjoyed your solution. What is more to say: 5* (actually 10).

Thanks for writing it.

Bad grammar, incorrect word usage, coupled to a foolishly unrealistic revenge plan. Impossible events, medications, actions, you name it, this was just a silly exercise.

What really bothers me is that some people find this a just punishment.

A well written BTB story.

A BTB story about a wronged husband with balls.

No wimp cuckie here!

I prefer this version.

Bad grammar? Who cares? This was a better ending that the original story...What she and her lover did and tried to do to him, deserved all he had done to them...4*

You know this a good story when candy ass anonypussy doesn't like it.

Decent story although I prefer stories in which I can imagine things like it happening in real life. The main reason why I don't like BTB stories is that I can't see things working out like they do in these tales. I try to imagine myself or people I know in the main character's shoes. I walk through the pain, the failures, and the triumphs with the character. If I can't imagine the story happening in real life then this walk for me is unsatisfactory. Its the same reason why I don't read cuckold stories. I will give this story a 3 because it was well written but I didn't get enjoyment from it.

and maybe Santa Claus can pick her up with his sleigh. Rudolph can light the way. Hey they can stop off in Atlantis for a drink before getting on the mothership and heading to Sirius.

Guys, I don't advocate violence towards women, I just promote misogynistic ideas about divorce law! Now, let me go back to writing about good, moral things, like incest and grown men taking advantage of teenaged girls! Just so long as it's not any of these awful, immoral loving wives stories, being a mother fucker is much better!

I preferred the first one. This reminds me of those thrillers where the bad guy instead of shooting the good guy sets up some insanely complicated scheme that has to fail. The original had the advantage of being a realistic reaction to a disaster; short, sweet, and immediate. What happens at the resort would be very complicated and hard to accomplish at home with all the time in the world for planning and execution. The original was a little lacking in retribution; this is over the top in too short a time frame at a place where the actions would be very difficult.

I also had a sour taste in my mouth after finishing the original story. But I think you went too far when you trashed the house and abandoned his business.

That business would have been worth something and he should have sold it rather than disband it.

And the house would probably have had a mortgage so he would be guilty of a crime. The bank was the real owner. And if there was NO mortgage, then we just threw a hundred grand out the window to spite the idiot wife.

In fact, since it would take a couple seconds at least for the winch to start the collapse, there might well have been an attempted murder charge involved. If the house took 30 seconds to fold, she could have been in it. Not that she wouldn't deserve it, but it would look a bit suspicious.

I know you said you were going for "over the top" but I think you went a bit TOO far over. It stopped being believable.

Just like with the original, this version falls apart at the end. Hubby's actions at the end don't make any sense at all as the main character goes from someone who was patient and able to plot and plan quickly to destroy his wife and her fuck buddy, to running away without much of a plan at all.

A far better payback would not only make more sense but leave him better off by selling his business, taking all of their money and vanishing for a couple of months all the while acting like he was on a major party binge and sticking the lot in an offshore account while kicking wifey out of the house and sticking it on the market.

Two very big plotholes also let this story down at the end. Seeing as he sent evidence of the cheaters to everyone how can wifey claim any bullshit about his actions when everyone knows what she did?

Why, even if hubby, for no valid reason at all, never told his mother why he kicked his slut of a wife to the crub, would his brother not spill the beans on what really happened?

Hell, if he wanted wanted to fuck over the cheaters, why not involve the police in their attempts to drug him and let her have her bastard in prison?

A little over the top but liked it. I would've liked a bit more on her in the after math and how she was affected with her job , family etc. also his mother should of known all along because of the videos, pics, and the brother had all the info. Cheating is fucked up so revenge is good because no on should get away with it. If your mans dick don't do it for you than don't get married and same goes for the guy . If your ready to commit than do it , if not and you mant more experiences with more partners than wait until your done acting like a pig. When shit like this goes on a lot in the real world so many others are affected like kids, family ,friends , coworkers, business partners etc.

I agree with several others. There was not much of an ending to this as far as what happened to Shannon.Since it was not mentioned, did insurance restore the house? Where was she living and what was she doing with her life?

If this is how he deals with stress, by freaking out and burning his bridges behind him, then she was justified in cheating on him. He's a fucktard. Legally, by abandoning her and with his name on the birth certificate, he could be liable for spousal support plus child support. You state that she was an idiot and agreed to a DNA test that she knew would fail, why? Why did she suddenly become an idiot? Why did she agree even though she KNEW that it wasnt her husbands?

You had your ending preamp ed but you fit the plot to the end and that's not how it goes, the ending is the culmination of choices we make and the consequences they entail. So where are his consequences? Whether we agree with his actions or not, he also needs to own up by his actions.

he deserves consequences? no, he doesn't. But when you do your own rewrite, you can make him the spineless cum-guzzler you always dreamed of being.

and, that, works for me

don't really give a shit if it doesn't for

He abandoned his wife, no divorce. He wrecked his own house, he would still be responsibly for the mortgage. He fixed it so that it collapsed, an insurance investigator would quickly find that so it's insurance fraud. If his idea was not to loose 50% of the common property in a divorce, he failed totally without even getting the divorce.

"I wish I could have told you and that you'd understand but I need to do this. These next few days are for me. I wish I could've told you but I know you'd leave me and I need you more now than you know. I love you so much but I really need to do this."

I call Bull Shit on this! She MIGHT have had a case if she was just talking about a little fling, but she is planning on having another man's BABY, and having her husband unknowingly raise it as his own! How can she possibly "need" that?

You truly are an idiot. DNA as proof of a fraudulent claim of paternity almost always trunmps the lie on birth certificate or anything the whore says. Wrecking the house - well too much evidence left behind. the wife got horrible STDs from her player fuck buddy.... Incurable ones. Cheaters deserve all the retribution and revenge they get.

For those who complain about then lack of realism, I refer you to the author's remark at the beginning:

"I rewrote the story more towards the absurd or extreme of what could happen."

With regard to the menstruation issue, besides, as someone else said, that there are other options besides vaginal intercourse (assuming we are ruling that out!), besides the absurdity, as Stu himself says, of her getting her period again, the idea that she would have her period for TWO WEEKS requires him to be a total moron!

There are a lot of USA states where the ex husband will not pay child support for bastard after divorce (DNA test) if the bastard kid are below 4 years. Is Minnesota is among those states?

dumbass what a waste of a good story

I read the original and remembered it right away. I like your ending and the revenge aspect because I like the cheating wife stories that really BTB in the end.

I would have given it a 5, but can only make 4 *'s because of ALL the word usage mistakes. Please get yourself a good editor.

Get some.

I thought is was an enjoyable read for a Redo.

To get everything to fall into into place while emotionally upset due to cheating wife wanting to get pregnant by another man. Is extremely unlikely and perhaps only a fraction of the plans would work. The DVD disks to the two couples makes me wonder do all hotel rooms have DVD players and why would they play them, how certain was the husband that the boyfriends would watch the DVD's !

The last part and the house collapsing from motors activated from an opening of a door. Has way to many variables to be nothing but a plan on a drawing board !

Though still good fun to read though.

What I wanted to know from both the original and this Redo story is why the wife cheated, why she wanted to have another mans child and pass it off as her husbands. What did she think would happen with her Anthony once the child was born, would he not want to see it, even years later perhaps blackmail the wife to continue to see him ! ?

How was she going to cope with still working at the same school as Anthony, What if the husband wanted his wife to have another child, to give the 1st child a brother / sister to play with ! ?

The for the husband to work off the grid for years is a legal nightmare, and he has to give up his family because of his wife. Surely there is crime for the Police to want to question him over various charges of attempted bodily harm, Revenge porn issues etc !

get a life. MT great story. 5*****'s

- and please get an editor to avoid this mess of misspellings.

I thought the story was pretty good, although a bit far fetched. However, there were so many typos and misused words. One walks past someone, not passed. That's just one of many examples. This story badly needed proofreading before publishing. Other than that it was interesting.

If you are going to steal someone elses story and make it into a dopey retread revenge story (if these cheated on husbands had all these friends that they apparently do after the deed, I can't see how the spouse could sneak around), at least get the spelling right since you don't have to bother with actually coming up with a plot yourself.

Atrocious spelling of simple words. Use a dictionary! It takes time, but is worth it. Story a bit outlandish, but okay. Cheers!

...and misuse of words as others have mentioned. You really need to work on your vocab.

The plot also suffered from too many improbable moments to be realistic. I'll give you points for imagination and wishful thinking (plot wise).

If you can take another story and re-write it surely you could write your own.

thank god we have an over the top btb and crush some nutz fantasy to counter the queercakes cucky shit polluting the LW category today! Booyaa

Glad both cheaters lost something in their fucked up adventure. Frankly, in both stories it was amazing how bloody stupid the slut & "1-testicle short" bastard were to even consider trying to get away with all the hook-ups they did. The only innocent one from this story is the child who gets fucked over forever.

How childish can some writers be? It isn't worth pointing out all of the grammatical errors since the story itself is so sophomoric.

For the read.

The odds of such a fantasy happening are a close to any one winning the lottery. Both worked no chidren equals no allimony. What about homeowners insurance ? Forgot about that. Then criminal charges, just a fantasy. Could not happen in the real world.

Good story. I love revenge. I can never understand how someone would say they love their spouse and pull this kind of shit.

That's what makes them so popular here. All the sissies and the cucks have their muses, about time those of us who are a bit grittier had another one of our own.

Well, the Thrasher DID warn us that it was at the extreme end of what (remotely) COULD happen! Sure enough!

3*

Seems so familiar to a previous story I have read on Lit. Though not as well written. Plagiarism or close too?

i dont know what has happened to my favorite category ! the Cucks have infiltrated the wire and the good guys are catching hell ! its good to see a real revenge story here, its been too long !!!

I think both of them are so beyond the pale they need to crawl in a hole and associate with no one. I can understand the problem with monogamy, with getting older and being human. To plan to plan while on vacation and take the lover with you. Beyond bold. To make a plan to have the lover's child. That is insane and psychotic. Or just evil. Anger at all this of course. Some sort of revenge probably. To cave the house in is over the top and I would have him arrested if it were my story. All these stories where the pictures are mailed out to all the spouse holds dear. Man that is evil and spreads the hurt to the innocent. She made him as bad as her. And no I do not hold as some of the foolish ones on here do that infidelity is the worst of the sins to commit. Hated the story. My happy ending may have been that both characters would have walked into the surf to disappear and make the world a better place. Maybe some of the commenters too. I excuser the author because at least he tried to show his cause with significant energy even though I think he has an emotional age of 10. Whole thing pissed me off.

This story celebrated AND yet parodied the BTB short story format , in the same way those old Clint Eastwood/ Sergio Leone films played with the Western cinema stereotypes. Full marks *****

The author's entitlement is outrageous. Where does it say in the exit clause of the marriage contract that the husband can destroy the wife and leave her destitute if she cheats? Can you imagine a marriage proposal as "please marry me, and if you betray me I will destroy you?" The only thing that the husband is entitled to is what she agrees to give him. If he doesn't like what he is getting, then he can withdraw himself and his half of the marital assets. That's it. The law is the way it is because it's fair.

The author's vision of what a marriage is is skewed by his ridiculous sense of entitlement, and probably he is an immigrant from an undeveloped and uncivilized country.

What are you going to be when you grow up ? Childish nonsense written by an immature child for immature children.

that is all

decent enough story, sorely in need of some serious editing/proofreading.

Spoken like a lowlife cheater....the law is fair....what a load of crock! So a faithful, hardworking person should end up paying alimony and child support to some whore who could have given him AIDS or some other STD? And for a child that isn't even his?

You obviously know nothing about the law. In some states the man a woman is married to at the time of a child's birth is considered the father, regardless of what DNA says. Judges with no morals or character think screwing over the innocent party "in the interest of the child" is what's best.

Screw that!

You lie, cheat, and endanger a spouse's life, if you are left alive and well, you should consider yourself fortunate.

BTB is OK< but here Stu would be going to jail, if for the house, if nothing else. So, I reduced from 5 to 4 starts for that.

Liked your ending better. but in both she got what she wanted "Tony' and his Baby.

Too bad she lost the one she claimed to have loved.

too much non real revenge actions taken. 4 stars till the last page.

**

You know, I guess the original needed a redo after all. The original had no real revenge and this version had extreme revenge. As a firm BTB guy I enjoy the revenge, especially for what the cunt had planned. In the end she had nothing and her asshole lover had less. Stupid idiots.

Was this extreme? of course. Is it real? Not at all. Anyone who thinks this stuff is real needs to get their head examined. It's just for us betrayed people who like to read about revenge and/or justice. This tale fits the bill.

i do love revenge stories, not as much as i love cheating wives / girlfriends, what i don't like are stories without sex. shannon cheated on her husband for a long time, long enough to allow her lover to knock her up, but little glimpses at the airport are enough to make Stu question his wife? the house collapsing is one of the most stupid lines i have ever read in a sex story

i'd love to rate it 0, sadly 1 is the lowest :(

She is nothing but a whore and slut. Anyone that cheats does not love the one they are with and there is no reason for it.

She got off easy those that like cheaters should live that way and have anyone they love cheat on them. If they do then they have no reason to complain and should be ok with it.

....some of it was outlandish and impossible, or at the least very, very unlikely.

I can't 1-Bomb you for such a concerted effort, but I have to say your writing is technically atrocious. Problems with grammar, spelling, person, number, tense, oh, it goes on and on......little or no editing and clearly having issues with how and where to use "to" versus "too".

Look, spend at least as much time editing, cleaning up and polishing your writing as you do in getting the original draft together, then have someone that has a decent mastery of the language work through it. Then, you might have a story that is enjoyable to read and that also manages to tell a good story.

But this, the story was troubled and vastly overshadowed by the the very rough reading experience. Too bad, two stars.....ooooh, I used them correctly, too!

The story line is good. But! If the redo is so atrocious with the spelling, grammar and misused words, what was the original like? It seems the further you went the worse it got.

Perhaps a re-redo is in order.

You started the redo well but the ending was very very rushed

I read these stories for fun, not for reallistic prose. And this one is one of the very best of it's type, IMO.

Much better this time. She deserved everything she got and more. Pricks like 'Tony' never seem to get enough of a 'come uppance' in these stories. Glad to see he got what he deserved. Thanks for the redo.

In that one, the author ALSO had a wife who cheated but also loved her husband. Know what she did?

She lied to her lover. The humiliating things she said she'd do to hubby, like cut him off, make him eat cream pies, have the other mans baby...she didn't do it because she'd have to live with the consequences of KNOWING what she did, much less what if hubby found out.

That was a more realistic take than 'oh. Aunt Flo is here again a week later'.

Okay. Not great

The spelling and grammar in this little revenge fantasy is a punishment to your readers.

All cheating bitches deserve this. Great story man. I wish all men could think straight like the guy in the story when they find out that they have been cheated upon. Most people give in to their anger and emotions.

Good story line and the build-up was believable however the end was weak....sure would have liked more detail and way more fallout from the affair. Was he also a teacher? Did they lose their jobs? Who beat him and how badly? Did anyone sue him? Great build-up weak ending? Losing the house is no big deal....what we were looking for is some emotional pain. We were let down! Keep trying.

There are so many happy cuckold semen slurping stories out these days it was great to read something when the husband doesn't like being cheated on and does do something about it.

I gave you a five for telling a story I'd like to tell.

However, it was problematic in two ways. First, there were too many mechanical problems, but I attribute them to your desire to get this out quickly. Remember; haste makes...mechanical errors. Second, you were way over the top. I would have tried to find more subtlety. Disassembling the house was ridiculous.

Just the same I'm glad you posted this. It was fun to read, and much more realistic than the 'oh goodie I get to watch my wife fuck another man on a vacation I paid for.'

You keep writing and I'll keep reading.

Thanks again.

Would like a follow-up about his cheating breeder wife....and there is one thing he forgot to show her. The follow-up could be another six months to three years later....but I would like to know how a cheating pregnant, penniless wife with no medical insurance makes out. Hopefully, she doesn't do too well.....

And, she needs to receive a copy of her lover cheating on HER....just in case she thought he would be her 'Plan B' once she learns she is broke and homeless.

I hold mortgages. I can guarantee you if I was holding the mortgage to the house he trashed that I would find him and make him pay. What happened to Anthony would be nothing to what I would do the asshole that trashed my house (at least Anthony escaped with 1 testicle). Devinne revenge or not... he is toast. (Oh, I will find him).

D'amato

What a story. Revenge huh? This was excellent period. If my wife did what his did-well...lets just say divorce would be needed to keep me from killing her lover.

I did Almost the same to my now ex wife.except I sold my trucking company to a friend for 100.00. And I did her lover's wife.And kick his ass. My ex works a Bob big boy in Jacksonville,Fla. Revenge is SWEET.

"Baby, I know this is just awful what I'm doing here, but I just need to do this for me - fucking some big cock and letting HIM get me pregnant before you and I start our life together."

"Oh, I know you thought we'd ALREADY started our life together when we got married but I guess I'm just a heartless slut..."

"Oh, and hey, I really hope it doesn't turn out that these drugs kill you or something because I'd just feel awful about that."

"So you just rest here while I go off and fuck some other man on OUR vacation. Love you - well, I mean as well as a person who's as clearly as selfish as I am can be."

but after reading both this and the original, I think the original is a better story.

Just my opinion.

Either get a proofreader or learn to write.

You see, Mr.Stu, you did an excellent job of exacting your revenge on your wife--sorry, bitch of an ex. But you see, you did not do total damage to her and Mr MotherFucker. Wounds will heal, and time is the best doctor,and Anthony got away with his life only slightly damaged. The key to fully getting revenge is psychology. If it were me, I would have waited until that bastard child grew up and secretly take birth control with Ms Bitchy Whore. Then when he comes of age(say,the tender age of 13-14 when the two fuckers will really bet their chips on him,but he isn't old enough to resist your rule yet)then you reveal the fact that you knew exactly what was going on,and tie them all up. Then, for every time they have done The Disgusting Act, do something small but painful to the bastard. At the end of this, make sure the bastard has no hope of any decent life,but let him keep his life. His life is innocent,so it should be spared. Next you call up the families and authorities(after untying them and making sure they won't get you into trouble) and expose them to the world. Oh,and the sending all the photos to respective husband-victims were a very nice touch. I take my hat off to you on the way you handled the timing and your actions. Excellent.

Excellent revenge story. Please add a view point from shannon so that we know why she did it and the feelings of loosing everything.

Running away and not facing the problems of life, fairly typical for this site. Why do these victims behave like children instead of manning up like adults.

But a couple of questions. Did she divorce him? It would have been obvious to an insurance investigator that he was responsible for the destruction of their house so an arrest warrant would have been issued for him and the Police would have been looking for him to renew his Driver's license or registrar the truck. Then he would have been in jail. Did she sue him for theft and the loss of all her things? Again, he was liable. Did she get fired from her job? If a Judge ever got him into Court he would have had to pay all damages, split half their assets with her, pay the Court costs and her lawyers costs in the divorce and then pay his own lawyer for a divorce and then the lawyer that tried to keep him out of jail on the rest of the charges. SO while this was a nice fantasy, the reality is that he's toast.

or what never was to begin with. TK U MLJ LV NV

than the original story ending. Now I'm satisfied that she got what she truly deserved.

Spell check is not your friend. A lot of words which were incorrectly used. Use a dictionary a hell of a lot more. I can see one or two errors. Not in the numbers I saw here.

Next up, he stole the phone...and then she had the phone...and then...

Why didn't he just drink SOME, not all, of the water and call the cops? Now her and lover are in a prison on a tropical island. Not gruesome enough for you? It has a prison population which is majority 'ethnic', so imagine the delight their days will hold...

But we couldn't ramble on for 4 pages. And again, you made the wife pathetically stupid. He LEFT A NOTE IN HER FUCKING WALLET (you wrote this TWICE) and she STILL had questions as to what exactly happened to her? My wife can, with a glance, tell if I am telling her abbreviated truths. Yet this woman can't tell sleeping from awake, wonder why she was drugged, why her stuff was gone, how her photos got all over the place.

It is a fantasy, and a far fetched one to boot. Hubby is now on the run from the authorities, because even if the wife sucks it up and doesn't go chase him, the BANK who owns the note on the house will chase him like the very hounds of hell.

And he deserves that.

This is better version. Sure you could try harder but I like it anyways. Five stars from me.

seamen - semen

seems like a bit of Freudian slip, have you perhaps worked at sea? ;-)

adders hers - added hers

thru - through

in to - into

the farther - the father

The page 3 especially could use some more polish, noticed a number of clumsy sentences.

Complex but fun

but me thinks the awakening is becoming for the new coming, TK U MLJ LV NV

Good to read of a pro-active husband who immediately set in motion measures to cause pain to the faithless wife and her fucker. I suppose the only thing I might have done in addition to what he did would be to visit her lover's room just before leaving and relieve him of his penis and testicles. They caused the poor fellow to use and lose an awful lot of time and energy, he would be happier and healthier without them.

Excellent story. A few errors language wise, but they did not interfere with the flow of the story.

I really dislike it when someone does a follow on to another author's story or attempts to rewrite it. Usually, as in this case, they screw around with the character of the protagonists and distort them terribly. This is a bad story. Conceptually, his ability to do all the things he did at the resort is extraordinarily unlikely. The house collapse is pure silliness. You have your character acting first, as a clueless wimp and then as a cross between Superman and Machiavelli with absolutely nothing to establish any possibility of him acting or having the capability to act in the manner you describe. Given the circumstances the original story is about 1000% more believable and satisfying.