All Comments on 'How To Handle Infidelity'

by lonelylisa

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  • 17 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Enlightening

Fantastic. Well done, write more articles!

ChagrinedChagrinedabout 19 years ago
Well Done

You skipped a few areas though. Perhaps I might write a little ditty and fill them in. :-)

CharlemagneBlueBloodCharlemagneBlueBloodover 18 years ago
Insightful

Very insightful and well presented, with enough humor to keep the reader interested.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
VERY WELL DONE

I do have to disagree with u though. I think the only one to blame for cheating, is the person cheating. Yes i read all of the story and i know where u are coming from. But if something is missing in the bedroom, than sit your husband/wife down and tell them how you feel.Tell them what you think is missing or what it is that you want. If you don't speak up than you will never be heard. Just because your wife/husband dosen't give you as much sex as you want or what ever it is that you want, gives you a reason or excuse to have an affair. I told my now wife before we were married that i would no tolerate her cheating on me. If she ever did i would throw her ass out and divorce her, no if's and's or but's about it. I told her there was no reason or excuse to cheat. I even went on to tell her that if she ever wanted or needed something,whatever it was for her to talk to me about it.I told her that i couldn't read minds.LOL

Bridget69Bridget69about 18 years ago
Good advice...

although, personally, that's not the way I would handle it. I wouldn't try to justify the cheating, or try to improve things in an attempt to stop the infidelity. I would simply leave him, as I do not tolerate it. Same goes for myself, I would never do that to my partner.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
Like your article...

Stumbled across it while trolling through the ‘how to’ category.

Flippant in places, however, the overall message and sentiment has its heart in what seems the right place.

Checking your homepage suggest your inkwell has run dry. Almost as much a sorry state as infidelity.

My best wishes.

XodanXodanover 16 years ago
Handle it ?

I liked your text. Of course it's quite a simplification of that very present mater, but you make some very good point. I was a type 1, drifting to type 2 with some old girlfriend (once a quarter...). My wife went directly to type 2 (once a month?) after some years of "not trying very hard". I finally discovered everything after 4 or 5 month. Lets think about all that... You are very right in the "shared guilt" department. Anyway we are now nearly separated. She seems to regret that, but in the meantime I went to a real type 2 relationship since my discovery of her infidelity. Dont know if will finally handle it... There has been more fucking for both of us in the last 18 month than in the precedent 9 years !

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
Very Good

All that you have written is very true and realistic. Very good advice even if hard to follow. It is so hard to get out of the rut that married people settle into. There is some truth to the fact that the wife sets the rules and tempo of sex in the marital bed. Then they can become dissatisfied with what they themselves created. As you said they meet someone who excites them the way their husband did before she trained him... My wife and I can't get out of that rut and I suppose neither of us wants to try that hard anymore. As a consequence, when you are married over 20-30 years you both live for everything other than the sex. It is very sad but either your wife or your husband loses all interest in sex and you have to turn to toys, porn, or literotica stories that turn you on. At least you can control that sexual inspiratation and stimulate yourself accordingly. That then becomes your own private sex life. How many of us have turned to such means? How sad...isn't it? To lose that intimacy and closeness the pair of you once shared? Still, even barring the stories on this site, there is no blameless person when it comes to one spouse or the other cheating. There is always some reason for it. It may be minor but still a valid reason as you have mentioned... Enough to have caused that lessening of love and respect that allowed the cheating anyway! Thank you for your insight and ignore the self-righteous and ignorant commenters that have little or no experience, or are in self-denial... Remember, all wisdom is learned from experience, and those that have not experienced have little wisdom... Thank You, Ron Wood from Roswell, New Mexico

peteinchicagopeteinchicagoabout 14 years ago
pretty insightful

you did a good job of laying out why someone might cheat, as well as pointing out what we could do to prevent that from happening. Let's face it, its easy to forget that relationships need work to keep them fresh. At the end of the day however, I'm with bridget, there is no excuse for, or reason to, tolerate cheating. Your SO probably has a mouth and can use it, if they aren't happy then open that mouth and express these feelings. If this doesn't work then end the relationship before seeing others.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago

Interesting article. Just like your first exaple got his just deserts when his wife cheated it seems you got some karma as well. You quit caring about the wife of the first male while engaging in the affair...then felt what she must have been feeling when your own husband cheated. Cheating is a vicious cycle with many victims.

There is no excuse for cheating, ever. If you're not happy then either open your mouth and speak up or get a divorce. Don't add insult to injury by direspecting the person you are with.

I could never forgive infidelity. It's just a matter of self-respect. I wouldn't tolerate someone stealing from me so why would I put up with someone who obviously doesn't have enough respect for me to keep it in his pants. Similarly I would never cheat on someone, even if I were miserable there are other options besides cheating. Too bad it seems society has abandoned all idea of morality and decency behind.

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago

It happen to me 13 years ago, my wife started seeing a customer of hers. I was too busy building a business to even think of her needs... she was type 2, after 5 months I figured it out. I thought something was different, the sex was just TOO damn good. We did the counciling thing, and she said it was so exciting and they did everything but intercourse, but who cares. You still picture your spouse with "his" dick in her mouth and swallowing his cum, even thirteen years later.

It took many months to trust again, and swore I would never forget it all. And I would never pass up a lay just for the experience of it.

I returned to the midwest (home) for two months for business. Tonite i'm meeting an old girlfriend from high school, we never had sex then, but tonite 25 years later she said she wants to start off our date by sucking my cock...

Wonder how the misses will handle this situation with the roles reversed ?

Oh KARMA !!!

Thanks all, JBF

Johnny1MJohnny1Mover 12 years ago
Pretty much on the money

I think everyone past a certain age (25?, 30?, 35?) will be nodding their head in agreement over this one. When I was 20(and single) I had an affair with a married woman. I just didn't think. It was exactly like what the author talked about. Now, I would never even think of doing something like that even if I were single. I wonder though, if it just isn't a function of age. When you're young you believe you're immortal and invulnerable--not only won't bad things happen to you, you won't cause bad things to happen to others, and heck, if you do, they probably deserved it. A few years of living in the world(and not your parent's house) and suddenly destroying someone's marriage for a little bit of fun becomes awful and deplorable. Your justifications (the marriage is in trouble, if it's not me it will just be someone else, etc.) are seen for what they are: Rationalisations that give you an excuse to do what you want to do. As we get older, most of us grow up and realise that we can't always do what we want. That actions do have consequences. Except for that small(hopefully it's small) group of people who just never grow up. They are the narcissistic ones, those who believe that no one counts but them.

johnstang2johnstang2almost 12 years ago
Hmm

Step One - go to bank and protect your assets.

Step Two - See your stock brocker and move your stocks around.

Step Three - see your human resources manager and have the spouses name stricken.

Step Four - see a lawyer about divorce.

I will not stand for any level of infidelity for things could progress without you knowing about it untill its too late to do anything about it.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Only one way

Throw'em out. Done.

lonerider10lonerider10over 10 years ago
super essay

it nice to see a balanced perspective. however men are condemed just as harshly as women when cheating happens. forgiveness has to be earned and given first

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
Male point if view

Been on both sides myself, much to my shame. I was type 1 one time, and she a very long term type two. Somewhat disagree with the male point of view of infidelity though. For me I was first concerned with her physical safety--I couldn't prevent her from being physicallt hurt (she was not) by an agressive guy. Less a caveman 'this is mine' than feeling like I was diminished by not being able to protect her as is some manly sacred duty. Second, it was a loss of, if not control, loss of influence in her life. She removed me from consideration in all things, I simply didn't matter to her and she was supposed to be my partner and the one person in the world that held me close as something loveable and good. So my stature in the world was reduced to being nothing, unimportant and unworthy. King to pauper.

In any case, cheating is everything you say it is.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 2 years ago

My experience as a guy was different because I am a romantic and I only wanted and loved my wife. I was a relatively handsome guy - was told often that I looked like Robert Redford in his younger days. I had turned down several women that wanted to have sex with me. When my wife told me she was a bad person one day, I tried to console herb but she wouldn’t tell me why she felt that way. She started seeing a therapist instead. She cried whenever we made love and couldn’t tell me why. She eventually asked me to come to her therapist with her which I did thinking I was supporting her in dealing with whatever she was dealing with. This went on for over a year and still I had no idea what her problem was - she still hadn’t admitted what she had done and I had no clue. Since I loved her I wouldn’t even think of cheating on her. Anyway finally after over a year of this she finally told me what she had done as we pulled up in front of the garage after one of the joint therapy sessions. She had had sex with someone she had met at a 2 week away work training program she went to over a year before. When I heard it - it just broke my heart because like I said I would never even consider doing that to her because I loved her so much. So I said “so that’s what this has all been about”, the therapy sessions and the crying during sex. I asked if it was just a one time momentary slip - she no it was 2 nights- that really broke my heart because then it was intentional. That’s when I understood she didn’t love me the same way I loved her, that was tough for me to swallow as a romantic guy. That was about 7 years into our so far 45 year marriage. After that I stopped making love to her and just had sex with her as it was always a mentally painful experience for me picturing her f’ing the other guy while I was trying to f’k her. It’s also hard for me to cum when f’ing her and usually don’t cum and have to take care of myself in the shower the next day - pretty sad. She said she only strayed to prove to herself that she was attractive enough to attract another guy since other women at her work would look at her picture of us on her desk and say to her “Is that your husband? How did you ever attract him?” Making her feel unattractive, although I’ve always thought her very attractive. Anyway after she did it she felt very guilty and bad for what she did. I later found out that growing up she never felt loved by her parents, so she didn’t really know what love was - her idea of love was very different and it certainly wasn’t romantic love. So back to now - we’re retired and we still do have sex - actually more than we used to and I do enjoy it although still rarely cum in her - I make sure she always cums and in fact she cums a lot now that I’ve learned enough tricks from reading Lit stories about how to use my tongue, fingers and cock of course on her clit and using my saliva as a good lubricant to make her come multiple times now, but she doesn’t know how to reciprocate since sex is still something she won’t talk about and she still gets upset when I don’t cum - but I still enjoy myself while doing it even if I don’t get my big O with her. I’m just a sadder and wiser guy now and can never get the picture of her and the other guy out of my mind even now after all these years. So ladies if you slip once don’t tell the guy, let him be happy in his ignorance and don’t do it again.

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