by Master_Vassago
not bad at all in fact, right up to the introduction of the camera at the end,,, seems an unecessay element,,, we'll just have to wait to see how the camera tangent is develloped
Very enjoyable. The camera was a bit of a disappointment, but we'll see what becomes of it.
it was a "five" right up until that last line about the camera...then i marked it down to a "three"...
Master Vassago's done a great job of defining the main characters and the surroundings. Jame's character in particular as a caring, intelligent, young man.
The introduction of the in house cameras on Chad's part probably foreshadows either a voyeuristic nature leading to an incest/sex slave relationship later on, or a more sinister blackmail or amateur porn movie interest. Or something else entirely. It depends on which way the author wants this story to go.
Still, from this first glimpse into the story, I'm hoping this decent young fellow, James, winds up as Emily's hero in the end.
I gave this a "75" in that it showed Emily to be Catholic and they believe in the rhythm method of birth control. It is not known if she was ovulating or not, but he shot her full of his cum. Perhaps she got pregnant? It did not say that so we don't know if she got preggie or not, which if she did, it would be highly erotic and a '5'.t
Great story, up until the camera. Would have been a 100 and a 5 if not for that last paragraph. Instead I had to give it a 75 and a 4.
This story was good, but why the camera? It makes no sense. Guess we'll have to see what happens with it...
I think the introduction of the camera is highly engaging. It just gives a foreshadow of things to come from brother Chad (no pun intended).
Thank you for your stories.
Fantastic story. I have ALWAYS had a 'thing' 4 Catholic girls, & this tale brings back all my wonderful memories of said young ladies! I am going 2 read some more of this series, so I can cum B4 bed! Well written, Master. Oooh yeah!
OK, so do you not have an editor to go over your stories? I mean, even you could do it yourself when you go back and revise it. I liked it a lot, though, and one more thing that really irked me was the fake dialogue. No one really talks like that..
"........he moaned that he was going to cum in her ear."