hi. read the story, and my main concern is that it lacks flow at times, because it changes tenses every once in awhile, moving from past to present. I liked the premise, though...the two of them alone in a cabin in the woods.
This is a great scenario! loved the story. The criticism I am going to give is nothing bad. Story needs to flow more freely. More detail is needed to overcome some of this choppiness. But more description and feelings said from each other will help tremendously in painting a better picture.
Thanks for writing!
Great story, made me jerk off twice, had to read best parts for second cum. Always loved daddy/daughter fucking stories and always jerk off to them. I have read many and had many jerk off sessions over the years, Keep up the great work.
That was AWESOME! Loved it. :)
god i wish you where my Daddy
du hast ne tolle art zu schreiben
As a woman - loved this story! Have had similar fantasy....love the daddy/dtr scenario! Thanks for sharing! :)
Sounds like a great time in there lives. But why go and knock her up
Damn that was SO good!
19 months later, eh? she must have been fairly bursting by then!
nice job on knocking her up hope little may will get fucked by her daddy too
very nice would love to read more
You need to keep writing... and I will keep cumming to your site....
Being into incest stories this one was great, especially where he knocked her up. I live with my mother and my sister and have always wanted to knock them up. I've been fucking both of them for over a year
see where she got "knocked up" is it written? did i miss a paragraph? was their proof?
nice one, wish I'D HAD THE GUTS TO THAT!
continue this story.
to anonymous 7/13 you are a lucky dude i bet your M/D is fine asc hell
That was fuckin hot. Got my pussy sooo wet.. I think I need a big daddy cock...
Hot erotica! My pussy got so wet... good story... -Sandi
Got my pussy drippin wettt...ummm I think I'm need me a big, nasty Daddy to fuck my tight, wett pussyyy. ;)
WELL THIS IS A GREAT STORY IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR HER DIARY AND THE THINGS SHE WROTE IN IT, THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN JUST ANOTHER RAPE STORY IN WHICH I HATE,''BUT'' SHE DREAMED ABOUT IT AND WILL BE MOST LIKELY ONLY BE TIED UP ONCETHIS IS A NICE LOVEING STORY WITH A GREAT ENDING
I WILL GIVE THIS A 5 PLUS STARS KEEP UP THE GREAT STORYS I'LL BE LOOKING FORWARD TO SOME MORE READING ,RIGHT NOW I HAVE SOMETHING
TO TAKE CARE OF (hee-hee)......................................... ...''R''.................................
I've read this so many time, and it always gets my pussy so wet!
i have enjoyed this heaven more than 100 times cutties contact
Im 22, he's 44. I tease
him hoping he will lose control and take me making me his slut. Im firstname.lastname@example.org hit me up.
Mmmmm I want this do bad it's the hottest thing ever I need a strong daddy to fuck me ;)
I liked this story very much and it definitely got my pussy wet, but I do have one piece of constructive criticism. The hymen is located outside the vagina not inside so whatever her daddy pushed through once he was already inside her was not her hymen. I am a women and I can assure you I know what I'm talking about. If you don't believe me look it up.
P.S. I am absolutely not trying to be mean in any way I simply thought this bit of knowledge could help you improve your writing and make your stories more realistic.
So nasty and pathetic. There are billions of people in the world, why would they keep it in the family?
So hot and well written! I was fingering my pussy so hard while reading this,wishing I had a daddy that took control like email@example.com
The story was rushed.
The encounter was unrealistic.
The daughter sounds like some silly teen.
I loved it! It made me cum so hard... The only thing is that you rushed the story. I mean, you had the right kind of build up, the sexual tension and backstory but it needed a stronger layout. Remeber, that build up is the literal foundation of your story it needs to be firm and well drawn out. Also use diolauge you can imagine real people using without sounding like a script, add some body languag like sagging shoulder to show how tired the daughter was when she came back from her hike. You'll be amazed by how much people don't say to actually speak.
P.S at the begining you shifted from the father's third person to first then to first in the daughter's POV. If you are going I change put some kind of break in between. Like the little star things **** and pick what POV you will use for the father snce you sort of stuck with 1st for the daughter.
Other than that, it was a beautiful story that had me cumming in the end, keep up the good work!
His cock slid a good inch into her virginal cunt until it came to rest against her hymen. I guess there aren't many men who have had sex with a virgin. At least not writers. The hymen is just inside and I mean barely inside the vaginal opening. You might and that is a big might sink a few inches inside her before her hymen breaks, but if you have to go in a few inches to reach the hymen, she has some issues.
i have given enjoyment to mny girls with sweet soft smooth young frsh little cute
virgin pussies with redhead pussy lips
yellow pink clitories
noney filled pussy holes
cuties can mail firstname.lastname@example.org
This story is not your best work but I can tell your a very talented righter. Keep righting stories you will get a lot better. Your a talented righter but I never really like father dominates daughter stories anyway so what ever. Thx 4 posting!
I've read this numerous times *blushes* Each time, I get incredibly soaked! I have to be careful where I read it. Read it in public-ish once and oh my, let's just say, I was very flushed, horny, and soaked to the point that had I been in jeans I would have had a damp spot. Something about this just makes me want to come back and read it again! That delicious feeling it sends from the pit of my belly to my pussy is so incredible *grins and blushes* Thanks for giving me that pleasure. Now, I have something to take care of! *blushes and squirms* I'll be dropping by again soon no doubt! ;-D
brought back memorys of my daughter straddling my cock, squeesing it between her thighs, nestled tight aginst her little girl pussy lips. the fondest memory of her pushing unexpectdly hard when the head of my cock was pressed to her still virgin lips causing the head to pop inside, me jerking back not wanting to cum inside her at such a young age ! but cumming in the instant the head was closed inside her !
Not several inches inside. Are US writers so fucking ignorant that they don't understand that elementary bit of anatomy?
Moderators shouldn't allow stories through until they've been thoroughly edited, both to provide a better experience for the reader and because these stories represent the site. Your submission needs a lot of work. It had changes in POVs, tense changes, punctuation errors, spelling/grammatical errors, misunderstandings with regards to anatomy, etcetera. After seeing the previous comments you've received I have to wonder whether I was reading the same story as everyone else.
I usually read stories from the favorites section, or the hall of fame. After reading this story, I was left wondering whether I should be relying on that anymore. Poor grammar, poor storyline, poor sentence structure, poor sense of anatomical knowledge. Makes me wonder if the writer himself/herself didn't log in from different places and vote the story up, because anyone with half a brain wouldn't give it more than 2 stars. I know I only gave 2 to encourage the effort. Please read a few of the top favorites before you write your next story- you'll get a good idea as to why they're there! As for this one - massive turnoff!
This has to be much better. It's too plain. If the Lubrican the one who writing this now this stories shall be spicier.
Really unrealistic dialogue
It was a nice story now how do you rate around here?
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